


Emails for a Better Tomorrow

by Novaforever



Category: K-pop, Wonder Girls RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-29
Updated: 2011-10-28
Packaged: 2017-10-25 01:23:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 64,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/270137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Novaforever/pseuds/Novaforever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to Letters of a Relationship Long Gone.  Min Sun Ye expands her singing career into America and Kim Yubin is appointed as her mentor to the biz.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1:  Emails

Two-hundred and thirty two tiles.  That was exactly how many tiles were on the ceiling of my bedroom.  And now that I had spent the past hour counting them I couldn’t get that completely inane fact out of my head.  Really I had nothing to complain about.  A random number being stuck in my head was much better than what had been floating there for the other three hours I hadn’t been sleeping. 

 

Sun Ye was back.  She was living in New York City.  She was going to be at work with me every day for the foreseeable future.

 

And she was in love with me. 

 

Urgh.  And now the thought was back.  I glared hard at the tiles on the ceiling, trying to will the random number back. 

 

Sun Ye was back. 

 

Okay.  I was obviously not going to get anymore sleep tonight.  Sitting here was pointless and frustrating.  I knew from the second my manager called me at 4AM that I wasn’t going to be sleeping tonight at all, which was a bad plan since I had a major photo shoot this afternoon.  There wasn’t enough make up and concealer in the world to cover up the bags under my eyes at this point. 

 

With a sigh I lifted myself off the bed, grabbed my cell, and headed out into my kitchen to put a pot of tea on the stove.  If I wasn’t going back to sleep I might as well get a heavy dose of caffeine.  As soon as the stove was on I took my seat at the kitchen counter. 

 

Sun Ye was back.  Okay, obviously my brain was running in circles due to the lack of sleep.  This was a bad, bad situation.  Def Jam was so not on my good list after just dumping this onto me.  Considering I was one of their top performing artists on the label right now I definitely deserved a little more than a few hours of advanced warning about this whole mentoring a new artist deal.  Argh.  Who was I kidding?  This wouldn’t even be an issue for me except that it was Sun Ye.  I couldn’t really blame the company when it was a personal based problem, although I might just be spiteful enough to shoot the messenger…

 

I flicked open my cell phone and my fingers instinctively flew across the buttons. 

 

“Uh… hello?” came the groggy voice on the other side of the phone.

 

“Hey Joe!” I said as cheerfully into the phone as I could.  “I just wanted to make sure what the meeting time was with the new trainee.  Don’t want to end up in the wrong place at the wrong time and such.  That would just be so embarrassing.”

 

“…Dammit Yubin.  You know the time and place.  You suggested it yourself.  This is just petty revenge for me calling you at four in the morning.”

 

“I will neither confirm nor deny that, Joe.”

 

“You are so lucky you earn me a big paycheck,” he said sarcastically with a yawn.  “I called her manager last night and told him that his girl should meet you at the Universal offices in the Def Jam lounge at noon.”

 

“Oh great!  Hold on now, I need to write this down,” I said slowly. 

 

“Oh my God Yubin!  You are drawing this out on purpose!  You are a bitter and mean girl!  I hope your old friend can put up with your cruelness.  Although I doubt she can since you broke up that group.”

 

I winced slightly at his harsh joke.  Ouch.  He was upsettingly close to the truth there. 

 

“Now if you are done keeping me away from my happy dream time I would like to go back to sleep.  I’ll see you at the office today.  At noon.  Like we agreed on previously.”

 

The harsh click in my ear told me that he had hung up before I could make any sort of comeback.  I closed my phone with a grin.  Totally worth it.  Joe and I had a special relationship.  We could call each other at all hours of the day and we never really got upset with each other over it.  He had been my manager since the very beginning of my time on the label and we had gotten really close.  Joe always said that a policy of total honesty and friendship was always best in the cutthroat world of music.  It was true too.  It felt good to know that someone always had my back.  We had shared a lot of secrets with each other and he was the only one in my company that knew about my dating preferences.  Plus he had even told me that he also batted for the home team.  Of course in the whole course of our three or so years together I had failed to mention a few facts here and there…

 

Like how the new trainee was my ex-girlfriend and love of my life. 

 

A loud whistling from the direction of the stove signaled that my tea water was ready.  I stood up and slowly put it in a pot with leaves to steep.  My eyes drifted up to the clock on the wall near the door. 

 

8 AM.  That gave me four hours to figure out how the hell I was gonna deal with my new life. 

 

=========

 

I swept my hand nervously through my hair for the fourteenth time.  It felt like it was messy, even though I knew it wasn’t.  I had checked myself out in the mirror three times before coming to the Universal Records building and twice since arriving.  This was definitely just me being paranoid. 

 

But really who could blame me?  I was standing here awkwardly in the Def Jam lounge waiting for my ex-girlfriend.  It probably wouldn’t have been that bad, except that I kept thinking up more and more reasons why I should be running in the opposite direction from this situation. 

 

Sun Ye obviously wanted to get back together with me.  She said so much in the cafe so that was a given.  And unfortunately I had made some very bad decisions of my own.  At the time, my confession of undying love when I left her yesterday seemed like an appropriate exit.  Now it was just looking very stupid.  How the hell was I supposed to face Sun Ye again after saying that to her?  Curse my dramatic flair!  So now I was going to have to spend the rest of my time for who knows how many days with a girl who said she was in love with me and knew that I had feelings for her too.

 

This was just going to result in a whole ton of awkwardness when she shows up.  I had a totally different career here in America.  I didn’t want to brag, but I was definitely a bigger star now than I ever was in Korea.  I mean, I had just finished up a joint tour with Beyonce!  It was the result of three years of constant work to build up my reputation from scratch.  I didn’t have negative street cred like some of the other rappers on the label, but my hip-hop dancing skills and well-written lyrics had earned me some measure of respect.  My reputation was everything to me now. 

 

With Sun Ye showing up it made things much more complicated.  I really didn’t need a gay scandal right now.  Controlling myself around her had never been easy either.  Plus with the confession I had given her yesterday she wasn’t gonna just step down and leave me alone.  How the hell was I gonna keep her back when the eyes of the entire country were on me constantly and… I didn’t even want to push her away?

 

My life was too complicated for its own good really. 

 

“And if you come down this hallway you will find our Def Jam artist lounge.  All the hottest performers hang out in here while waiting for meetings and interviews.”

 

I could hear Joe’s voice filtering in from the hallway.  Crap.  Time for me to look busy.  I grabbed a magazine and leaned against the counter, pretending to read it casually.  The door clicked open and revealed Joe and … her.

 

My breath caught lightly in my chest.  She was wearing a tight fitting print tee with a vest that hugged her body in all the right places.  Her cropped hair framed her face perfectly.  She looked even more beautiful than yesterday.  Crap.  I was failing at this already.  Sun Ye smiled politely from across the room.

 

“I thought you said all the hottest performers spent their time in here?” she asked Joe in her clear-cut English. 

 

“Ah my bad, it’s just Yubin I guess!” he joked back with a laugh.  “Hey Yubin, you never said your ex-groupmate was so much fun.  I feel like you have been holding out on me.”

 

Oh poor Joe.  You had no idea how I’ve been holding out on you. 

 

“Yeah, she’s a bundle of fun,” I drawled as I put down my magazine and walked slowly over to the couple. 

 

Sun Ye smiled at me softly and held her hand out for me to shake.  I frowned slightly at the impersonal action. 

 

“Yubin.  It certainly has been a while,” Sun Ye said calmly.

 

My eyes narrowed slightly at her.  What was she trying to pull?

 

“In polite society this would be where you take her hand and shake it,” Joe said sarcastically from my side. 

 

I shot a glare over at him.  Great.  I was off to a fantastic start already.  Sun Ye was being perfectly well behaved.  That was suspicious, but it was only going to draw more attention if I kept freaking out like this.  I blinked off the thought and raised my hand up to grab Sun Ye’s. 

 

“Has it been a while Sun Ye?  It feels like just yesterday.”

 

Her smile grew a little at that and I decided that three seconds was long enough for physical contact between the two of us.  I slipped my hand out of hers as slowly as I could manage without being rude and took a step away.  Personal space was definitely a plus if I was gonna make it through this unscathed.  Joe stared at our still slightly awkward greeting. 

 

“Huh.  Well I can already feel the friendship in the air.  Remember that you have your photo shoot and interview in the studio on the fourth floor in half an hour Yubin.  Why don’t we all just head up there now so you can get a head start on make up and hair.  Lord knows you need it,” he said as he analyzed the bags under my eyes.

 

Urgh.  Like I really needed to be self-conscious right now.  I knew I should have brought sunglasses.  With an exaggerated eye roll at my quippy manager I headed towards the doorway out of this awkward nightmare. 

 

“Now now Joe.  Give her a few more years and a bit of concealer and maybe she will become one of those ‘hottest performers’ I was hearing so much about,” Sun Ye’s voice rang out from behind me. 

 

My manager/best friend and Sun Ye were getting nice and cozy.  Fantastic. 

 

And there were still twelve more hours left in the day to suffer through. 

 

==========

 

“Wow Yubin, your eyes are a little bit bloodshot today.  You kind of look like you have been through hell,” Sun Ye joked in her annoying good English from my side at the makeup table.

 

My stylist bent in front of me and continued to try and cover up my dark circles with makeup. 

 

“Yeah girl.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look this bad.  I hope that whatever kept you from catching some Zs last night was totally worth it,” my stylist sympathized. 

 

I glanced over at Sun Ye quickly.  She arched her eyebrow at me and gave me look that showed she was curious what my answer was going to be to that as well.  Like I would give her the satisfaction.

 

“Not at all.  It was more annoying than anything,” I said pointedly.

 

Sun Ye let out her musical giggle and I went back to trying to forget that she was there.  The whole time during my preparation for the photo shoot she had sat next the stylist and watched me.  It was unnerving to the max, not only because she was so close, but also because she was acting so completely professional.  She sat there and watched the ‘American’ makeup and hair process and chatted casually with the stylist in her practically fluent English. 

 

Was this even Sun Ye?  She didn’t seem quite like the girl who had been begging me to get back together with her yesterday.  She was planning something.  What did she have up her sleeve?

 

“Alright.  Then I just make sure her bangs have this casual swoosh to the side.  Yubin’s style right now is that of a feminine, but edgy rapper so we have been pushing her to wear her hair naturally straight at shoulder length.  Plus the feathered effect is just adorable!” my stylist said happily as she fluffed my hair in front of the mirror. 

 

I watched as Sun Ye pulled something off the table in front of us and passed it to the stylist.

 

“And this is the final touch for it, right?” Sun Ye asked chirpily. 

 

“Yup!” the stylist replied as she pressed my bright blue Yankees hat onto my head.  “Feminine, but edgy.  Alright girl, you are good to go.  I think they are waiting for you over at the photo stage so you better head over.  Make sure you don’t ignore your new trainee like you have been!”

 

Oh please.  I rolled my eyes exaggeratedly at my stylist to let her know I didn’t appreciate her comment, which just elicited a chuckle from her.  With a final glance to the mirror I stood up and started heading to the photo shoot area.  I walked a few steps before I realized that Sun Ye wasn’t following me. 

 

“Um the stage is over here,” I said with a gesture of my thumb. 

 

She just looked at me with a big, doe-eyed expression. 

 

“Oh is that so?  I’m new here so I really don’t know my way around.  I think that is what you are here for,” she said with a smile as she fell into step beside me. 

 

I couldn’t help but let out a disgruntled sigh as we turned the corner into the dark hallway leading up to the studio.  This was getting so very tiring. 

 

“Honestly Sun Ye, I don’t know who you are trying to fool with your Little Miss Innocent act but-“

 

Before I could even finish my sentence I felt myself get slammed into the wall, Sun Ye’s petite hands holding my shoulders back against the solid surface.  I glanced up and down the hallway and saw that we were completely alone.  Dammit.  So this was her plan.  She took a step closer to me, fitting her trim form up against my own tantalizingly.  I could feel my pulse go haywire as she leaned in towards my lips.  At the last second she turned her head into the crook of my neck, her breath teasing at my ear.

 

Okay maybe she wasn’t so innocent after all.

 

“Don’t think that I have forgotten everything that happened and was said yesterday Yubin.  Because I haven’t.  You can keep trying to push me away, but for now you are completely and utterly stuck with me.  I know you want to just give in and I know you want to come back to me too.”

 

She took a step back and released me from the wall.  With a seductive smile she turned and started to walk towards the studio once again. 

 

What just happened?  

 

I stumbled forward off the wall and nearly tripped on my own feet to follow her out into the photo studio, trying very hard to get my heart under control again. 

 

“Yubin!  You’re late!” the photographer in charge of the project barked at me.  “And your hair is a mess!  Didn’t you just come from hair and makeup?  What the hell happened to you?”

 

I glanced over at Sun Ye, who was back to looking innocent and leaning against the studio wall. 

 

“I honestly have no idea, sir.”

 

 

=========

 

“Great.  Now look like you are tipping your hat at the camera.  Harden your eyes!”

 

I tried to follow the photographer’s instructions.  It all seemed very silly, but I had worked with him in the past and the pictures always came out really well.  He had to be doing something right.  I leaned backward languidly onto the white blocks that had been set up on the white stage for the photo shoot.  They had been spray painted with blue tagging symbols to match my hoodie, heels, and hat.  The whole thing just exuded ‘urban,’ which was definitely in line with my image in America. 

 

When I was sure the photographer had stopped his string of pictures I hazarded a glance over to the side.  Sun Ye was watching me, her eyes sparkling with interest.  This was just a normal photo shoot.  We’d done this kind of thing hundreds of times before back when we were in the Wonder Girls.  Surely she couldn’t find it that interesting. 

 

“She definitely exudes a ‘don’t mess with me’ vibe in your pictures doesn’t she?” I could hear her ask my photographer enthusiastically. 

 

He startled slightly at her unexpected comment as he fiddled with the lens on his camera. 

 

“And who exactly are you and why are you here?” he questioned her harshly, looking her up and down.

 

“I’m Min Sun Ye.  I just got signed to the Interscope label and they wanted me to shadow Yubin to learn the ropes and get an in depth grasp of the English language in the musical setting.”

 

My photographer continued to glance Sun Ye over.  Was he checking her out?!  Why had I ever liked this guy?  I oughta beat the snot out of the scrawny dude!

 

“Your English sounds just fine to me,” he said thoughtfully.  “And your outfit is very casual and interesting.  Say, I’m done with the pictures of Yubin for today, how about we get some pictures of you too.  I’m sure your manager will appreciate the free shots.”

 

Sun Ye looked just as shocked as I was at the offer. 

 

“Um that’s kind of you, but I haven’t been through hair and makeup for today.  I’m not really prepared for this sort of thing…” Sun Ye said quietly. 

 

“In this business you have to be spontaneous.  If someone offers you a free photo shoot, you take it,” my photographer said as he loaded a new lens on his camera. 

 

From across the studio I could see the statement’s affect on Sun Ye.  She straightened her shoulders and her eyes sparked with the challenge.  Huh.  Sun Ye never liked to tackle unplanned work.  The very thought of its disorganization freaked her out usually.

 

“Yes sir,” she said with a mock salute.  “Just tell me where you want me.” 

 

The photographer pushed her hurriedly over toward the white stage I was on and stared impatiently at me.  I blinked up at him from my graffiti block chair. 

 

“You’re in the way.”

 

Oh.  Well.  Good to know I was needed at my own photo shoot.

 

“Yeah, great…” I mumbled as I vacated my seat.

 

The second I was off of the platform the photographer placed Sun Ye right where he wanted her.  She leaned back against a taller block, teasing her hair with her fingers.  Her vest fell open slightly, revealing her slim form.  The photographer positioned his camera down onto her and began to shoot.

 

“Okay now look up through your lashes.  Think sexy,” he instructed and Sun Ye followed.

 

And the sex appeal just oozed off of her.  It was like she had been preparing for this photo shoot all day and it hadn’t been a spur of the moment thing.  I could feel my heart thrumming in my chest again as I watched her give a smoky look through her hooded eyelids. 

 

Urgh.  Focus Yubin.  No touchie.  Not for you.  Not anymore.

 

“You were made to be in the business,” the photographer said proudly.  “There are very few artists out there who are such naturals at these kind of photo shoots.  Yubin and you are just about at the top of my list right now.  The camera loves you.”

 

I watched the photographer snap pictures of Sun Ye carefully.  He seemed totally genuine right there.  Maybe he wasn’t trying to get in her incredibly sexy pants after all.  Huh.

 

“Yubin!” he barked at me suddenly.  “Get over here again and pose with Sun Ye.  I think you two would make an interesting pair.”

 

Sun Ye grinned at that comment.  I narrowed my eyes at her in warning and strolled over to the blocks on stage.  They were rather small overall and no matter where I sat I would be in close proximity of her taunting smile.  Urgh.  There was no helping it.  I stalked over to the edge of the set and perched myself on the block as far away from Sun Ye as humanly possible with my best apathetic rapper face. 

 

The photographer spun around us taking pictures.  I could feel Sun Ye shift her position behind me and I twitched awkwardly so that I was even further away.  This was seriously freaking me out.  Sun Ye and I hadn’t done something like this photo shoot in… far too long.  Not to mention that the conditions between us weren’t exactly ideal for this sort of work.  It was best not to think of her being there at all in her sexy clothes.  With her sexy hair.  Urgh.  I took a deep breath and held it, counting the seconds as a distraction from my thoughts. 

 

“Yubin,” the photographer called as he took his camera away from his eye.  “What’s wrong with you?  You were a pro just a few minutes ago.  Now you are a statue.  Loosen up.  Act natural.”

 

My shoulder tensed instinctively as Sun Ye’s hand gently landed on it.  Her hair teased the side of my face as she leaned in closer to me. 

 

“Yeah Yubin.  Just act natural,” she whispered to me. 

 

I could feel my body bristle at her unexpected touch and my heart started to race again.  Stupid body.  It always had these sorts of reactions without any input from me.  And stupid Sun Ye.  She was baiting me like this on purpose.  She trailed her fingers down my arm and let her hand end on top of mine.  With a sigh I leaned back against her and let my muscles unclench.  I wasn’t going to win this one, so I might as well just give in.  For now at least. 

 

My photographer was by our sides again in an instant snapping away like a man possessed. 

 

“Yes!  That is what I am talking about!  It’s so much more natural.  You two look perfect together.”

 

Sun Ye chuckled as she laid her head on my shoulder. 

 

“Hear that Yubin?  He thinks we are perfect together,” she whispered in her native Korean.

 

I turned my head carefully to the side to look at her on my shoulder.  She was closer to me than I had originally thought and my nose grazed her cheek lightly.  My eyes drifted shut lazily and I could feel my face grow hot from the blush that had rushed to her cheeks at my touch. 

 

“There are many perfect things in the world, but the two of us aren’t one of them.  We are only human,” I replied quietly in Korean.

 

Sun Ye’s breathing hitched audibly as I whispered my words against her face.  She wasn’t the only one with control in our current situation. 

 

“Perfect.  I think I got some really good shots today.  I’ll make sure I turn them in to your managers for review.  Thanks for your hard work,” the photographer snapped us both back to the here and now. 

 

As soon as he finished his sentence I jumped up to my feet and started walking out of the studio, shooting a casual wave of thanks over my shoulder to the photographer.  I had to get out of there now. 

 

And there were still eight more hours in the day to suffer through.

 

 

 ==========

 

I locked the door to my apartment and kicked my shoes off with a sigh.  Today had been more draining than I had ever imagined it could be.  I rubbed my eyes tiredly and stumbled back towards my bedroom.  I really needed a full nights rest at this point. 

 

As soon as I got back to my room I flicked on my lights and looked longingly at my bed.  There was still one more thing I had to do before I got to bask in the comfort of my silky sheets.  I walked past my beckoning bed and sat down in front of my laptop.  I clicked a few buttons and logged into my email account.  It was full of dozens of new messages.  Most of them were little notes from Joe.  I deleted them without even looking at them.  He could call me if he wanted to tell me twenty random facts.  About halfway through Joe’s emails my hand froze up on the mouse. 

 

Now there was an email address I hadn’t seen in a while.  I double clicked on the message and started to read carefully.

 

\--

 

 _To:  snow_white_funk@defjam.com_

 _From:  da_man@jype.com_

 _Re:  photo shoot_

 _But obviously I’m not contacting you just to praise you.  I received an email from Sun Ye’s manager from Interscope.  He is in charge of keeping me updated on her progress in America.  He included some pictures from the photo shoot you ladies did together today.  You girls looked fantastic together, it’s obvious that you have both matured in recent years.  And that wasn’t the only thing that I saw in those shots._

 _I think you know exactly what I’m talking about.  You and I both know that you didn’t leave the number one Korean pop group so you could take a Russian roulette chance at fame in America.  Having Sun Ye back in the picture is going to be tough on you, I’m sure.  I actually advised her against this overseas debut, but I knew she was going to go against my warning the second Interscope made her an offer.  She’s been working towards an American career for far too long._

 _And I don’t want you to ruin that for her._

 _Remember that although she is signed on the Interscope label in America she is still a member of the JYPE label in Korea.  Her actions have to represent two companies now, all while working toward her own goals as a performer._

 _While your image is not longer a matter of concern for me, Sun Ye’s is.  I’ll be receiving daily updates from her American manager.  Don’t disappoint me._

 _JYP_

 

\--

 

My hand twitched on the keyboard.  Did JYP just email me a threat?  As if this day wasn’t filled with enough curveballs.  I knew that I needed to keep away from Sun Ye.  Him telling me that wasn’t going to change anything.  Plus I wasn’t his property anymore, who was he to send me emails like this!? 

 

I stared at the reply button for several long seconds before I simply backed out of the email and left it in my inbox.  As angry as his email made me, it was all true.  I could probably use that reminder in the upcoming weeks.  My chair spun lightly towards the bed as I moved to get up when my eye caught a new email blink into my inbox.  Great.  What now?  I scooted back over to my desk to see what was keeping me from my bed now.  It wasn’t an address I knew.  Even though I wanted to go to bed, I let my curiosity get the better of me. 

 

\--

 

 _To:[snow_white_funk@defjam.com](mailto:snow_white_funk@defjam.com)_

 _From:  first_snow@interscope.com_

 _Interview  Prep_

 _Hey Yubin~_

 _Hopefully you actually opened this email and didn’t just delete it off the bat like I’m sure you thought about doing.  I wanted to make it as inconspicuous as possible, but I am sure you will realize that the address has a great deal of meaning to me, and hopefully, to you too._

 _I’m sure it seems weird that I am emailing you like this when really I am lucky enough to be seeing you everyday again.  Well mostly it is because I am not stupid enough to think you will just fall right back into my lap, Yubin.  I realize that I am going to have to win you over, and I will work really hard to earn the right to be your girlfriend again.  And this email is just step one in the process.  Over the past few years I’ve had a lot of time to think about where I went wrong in our relationship and one of the major issues is that I didn’t really talk to you.  Sure I talked to you about work and things I liked and stuff like that, but not about important things.  Like how I felt at any given time._

 _I don’t want to be that person I was in the past, Yubin.  You said it yourself today: we are only human.  I’m going to prove to you that I’ve changed into something better, like perhaps a more empathetic girlfriend?  Plus that is only step one.  Just wait until you see the new and improved Min Sun Ye.  I’m sure you won’t be able to resist her~!_

 _That being said, today was fantastic!  Okay, maybe it wasn’t for you.  You seemed like you were just about ready to jump out of your skin most of the time.  I made the decision in the beginning that I was going to act totally professional with you in public.  Not only is it a good move for both of us as performers, but also I have to admit that I really did want to watch you squirm.  Just a little.  It was totally worth it too!  You definitely didn’t expect me to play all innocent around you._

 _I didn’t plan on staying innocent for long either.  It was far too difficult for me to stay that standoffish for long._

 _You’ve gotten so beautiful Yubin over these three years apart.  Do you realize that at all?  The sway you still have over me?  Really, it was only a matter of time before I cracked and had to touch you, and not just a lame handshake either.  The second we were out of the eyes of the production crew I knew I had to corner you.  The timid Leader Min forcing the big bad rapper into submission.  It took every ounce of willpower I had not to kiss you when I had you pressed up against that wall and I was already so drained from holding off for so long._

 _And you wanted me to kiss you too.  I just know it.  Come on Yubin, let’s get serious.  We’ve already told each other how we feel.  We both know what we want.  Except this time I am the predator and you are the prey._

 _See you at the offices tomorrow~ !  I hear there is a lot of prep work for next weeks interview on Oprah!_

 _new and improved,_

 _~Sun Ye_

 

 


	2. Chapter 2:  Re: Nothing Days Excitement like the Windy City

My hand slammed down on my alarm as soon as the annoying buzzing reached my ears.  I leaned out of my bed slightly to blink blurrily at the time.  Six in the morning?  Urgh.  It felt like I had only just gone to bed.  Lately it seemed like getting four hours of rest a night was the norm.  At least my body was getting used to it at this point, which was a good thing since my new album production was starting.  That meant that I would soon be doing recordings, promotions, interviews, and probably another tour.  In fact, I had a major interview today that I really should be getting ready for.

 

I threw the covers off myself and headed out into the kitchen to put a kettle on for tea.  Even if it was obnoxiously early, I still had a nice routine for my mornings.  The first thing that needed to happen was a cup of tea.  The caffeine boost was essential and I just couldn’t get used to the bitter taste of the coffee that Sun Ye seemed to love so much. 

 

Urgh.  There she was again.  Sneaking into my thoughts when I was trying to have a normal morning. 

 

With a sigh I shook all thoughts of the woman out of my head and moved on to part two of my morning routine.  I strolled over to the large television that filled my living room and turned it on to MTV.  There was nothing like a good bit of entertainment news in the morning.  Not only was it nice to stay on top of the news in the business, but it was also kind of fun to see what some of the other entertainers managed to scandal over.  Korean singers had always had their fair share of humiliations, yet American talent always seemed to completely outdo them. 

 

“Last night Def Jam Recording artist Rihanna was busted for having a wild party in her New York City apartment.  The police raided the bash under noise complaints from the neighbors and found copious amount of alcohol and traces of drugs…”

 

Heh.  Great.  Another Def Jam recording artist getting caught with drugs.  I was gonna get another lecture when I got into the office today about how I better be more sensible.  Like I would ever do that.  That sort of thing so wasn’t my style.  Korean stars like Sun Ye and I had worked far too hard for our fame to risk it over something as silly as drugs.

 

Sun Ye.  There she was popping into my mind again.  It had been a week since she had made her surprising reappearance back into my life and I seemed to be thinking about her more and more everyday, probably because I was seeing her more and more everyday.  She was constantly by my side during all of the work lately.  Honestly, I had no idea when she was able to find time to meet with her own agent or organize anything for her debut. 

 

It wasn’t like I was complaining about constantly being around Sun Ye.  As much as I complained and tried to push her away, I had to admit… I really liked it.  Sun Ye had evolved into a new and exciting person.  She was more mature on the outside and inside.  Watching her speak to the staff members and accept jobs on the fly was thrilling.  She had always had an ability to work professionally, but in the past there had always been an underlying nervousness in the way she handled everything.  All traces of that were gone now.  Sun Ye was practically brimming with self-confidence. 

 

And it was sexy. 

 

I would never admit that to her face though.  This new outgoing Sun Ye kept me on the edge of my seat.  I never knew what she was going to do next.  She continued to play her cat and mouse game with me every time we were left alone during the day and sent me sappy love emails at night.  If I were a weaker woman I would have caved days ago.  Somehow, despite all of her taunting touches and murmured affirmations of love, I had managed not to even show the slightest bit of interest back towards her.  It was harsh but it had to be done.

 

“There have been rumors of several other Def Jam artists attending this all out bash at Rihanna’s and many were wondering if the rapping starlet Yubin was in attendance.  It has been confirmed with multiple sources that she was in a management meeting at the time and was not planning on attending the party.  Looks like the power rapper has managed to keep her head above the dirty water once again.  She has gotten quite the reputation for being the most hard working and straight edged artist on the urban scene and it has only served to boost her popularity even more.  It has been three years since her debut and not a single scandal.  Come on Yubin, give us something juicy to work with here!  In other news…”

 

I grinned at the reporter for the MTV news.  Not likely SuChin.  I wasn’t gonna ruin everything I had worked so hard for in America that easily, even if Sun Ye was back in the picture.  Sure, it wasn’t a giant drug bust, but a gay tabloid article would probably make the waiting public even more amused.  I just had to hold off for a few weeks, or however long Interscope was going to keep her in training with me. 

 

The pot whistled to signal that it was ready.  I moved it off the stovetop and prepared my morning cup of tea.  A quick glance at the clock showed that I was running terribly late this morning.  I would have to quickly get dressed and run off to the last, very important, part of my morning: meeting Sun Ye. 

 

=========

 

 

I checked my cell as I walked down the hallway to the Def Jam recording lounge.  8:05AM on the dot.  The exact same time that I showed up every single morning.  I steeled myself as I opened the door to the lounge to see Sun Ye reading a morning paper and waiting for me. 

 

“Hey Yubin, fancy seeing you here.”

 

I resisted the urge to smile at her.  She said the same thing every single morning to me.  It was all a part of our routine.  The fact that we had settled into something this predicable and comfortable should have bothered me immensely.  Instead I found myself slightly looking forward to meeting up with her in the morning.  God, this really did mean that I needed to get her through this training and out on her own.  It wasn’t good for me to spend this much time with her.  It was just getting me closer and closer to breaking down and giving Sun Ye what she desperately wanted. 

 

“You would think you’d get bored of saying the same thing to me every morning,” I threw back at her. 

 

She just smirked at me and pushed the entertainment section of the paper towards me on the table. 

 

“You would think that, but somehow I find it oddly entertaining to see you glare at me daily.”

 

Yeah, she _would_.  Somehow Sun Ye got great entertainment out of any attention I gave her.  Probably because she knew the more she poked and prodded me, the weaker I became.  Time to go back to my normal stoic front that I had to put on in front of her.  I crossed my legs with a huff and picked up the newspaper and started to thumb through the articles with disinterest.

 

“So last night I had this dream about you and me.  We went out to Central Park and it started to snow.  And we were caught all alone in this peaceful snowstorm.  It was really romantic, just like our first date.”

 

Damn.  Sun Ye was totally praying on my weak spots.  She knew how much that first date meant to me.  I tried to go back to ignoring her advances, but I could feel her foot tracing its way up my leg under the table.  So now she was gonna tell me her fantasy and play footsies at the same time?  I shifted the paper up higher so that it covered my lightly blushing cheeks.  Sometimes she made it so hard to keep a straight face in front of her.

 

“And after we had run around in the snow and it had melted and soaked through what we were wearing, you invited me back to your apartment to get some dry clothes.  But as soon as you get my clothes off of course you can’t keep your hands to yourself and then we get wet in a totally different kind of way and…”

 

“Oh my god you did NOT just say that!” I hissed as I threw the newspaper down on the table in between us.

 

“Lighten up!” Sun Ye said with a laugh.  “I’m just making stuff up now.  I just wanted to see if you were still paying attention to me at all.  It’s not like I was having dirty dreams about you or anything.”

 

Lighten up?  I never thought I would hear those words come out of Sun Ye’s mouth, especially not when they were directed at me.  Sun Ye just gave me her innocent smile from across the table and started to trace up and down my leg with her foot again.  I reached for my newspaper section again so I could go back to ignoring her, or at least pretending to ignore her.  I was almost painfully aware of her touching me under the table.  She knew this whole time that all my senses were fully tuned to her; there was no way I wasn’t paying attention to her dirty, little story.

 

“What’s got you so wound up tight today?  You are even more jumpy than you have been around me lately,” she asked me as she poked my hand lightly.

 

Well I obviously wasn’t going to get any reading done with Sun Ye continually talking… and touching, me.  I folded up the newspaper and put it down on the table with a sigh.

 

“You have no idea what today is do you?”

 

Sun Ye just gave me a confused look. 

 

“You are going to a television interview right?  You’ve done tons of those before, I don’t know why it is such a big deal.”

 

“Ooooh It is a very big deal,” I said pointedly.  “This is no normal television interview.  I’m going on Oprah.  Not only is this a national program watched by millions, but she also has a tendency to be slightly unorthodox.  And I don’t really care for her, she puts me on edge.”

 

“So big, bad Yubin is afraid of a little television host?” Sun Ye teased me lightly. 

 

She reached out for my hand again and traced her fingers over the back of it lightly.  Now I was being assaulted by her touch on my hand and on my leg.  My muscles instinctively bunched as something at the back of my mind told me that this would be a good time to run away again. 

 

“Scared of a woman who isn’t me?” she whispered as wrapped her hand around my own.  “Should I be jealous of this Oprah woman?”

 

“Trust me, you have nothing to be jealous of,” I mumbled back, my heart starting it’s usual thrumming that happened when Sun Ye got close to me.  “There is no comparison between the two of you.”

 

Sun Ye squeezed my hand back and shot a beaming smile at me.  Why did I let myself get all warm and fuzzy with her like this?  It was only going to hurt her in the end when she left her training with me.  I could be very stubborn about not giving in to her completely, why couldn’t she see that?  Almost as soon as she had started embracing my hand she stopped and pulled it and her leg away.  I resisted the urge to frown at the sudden absence of her warmth.  What the hell?  Was this another one of her mind games.  I gave her a curious glance and realized that she was staring outside the lounge.  My eyes followed hers and I could see Joe walking towards the room excitedly through the glass walls. 

 

I could feel the disappointment welling up inside myself.  Urgh.  Stupid Joe and his stupid work.  He always came to crash my fun.  He swung open the door to the lounge with his annoyingly bright smile. 

 

“Two beautiful ladies before nine in the morning?  What did I ever do to deserve this joy?”

 

“Yeah right,” I said with a snort.  “I’m sure you would be happier if we were two cute guys.”

 

He snapped his fingers happily at me. 

 

“You’ve got me there!”

 

Sun Ye raised her eyebrow at me questioningly.  Guess she hadn’t figured that little fact out yet about her new buddy Joe.  I hope this shared characteristic wouldn’t become a new conversation piece between the two of them. 

 

“Well let’s get to work then ladies!” Joe said with his usual enthusiasm.  “We have a flight booked for both of you at eleven, so let’s get moving!”

 

“Wait, we are flying to this?  Where is this Oprah woman?”  Sun Ye asked as she glanced in between Joe and I.

 

I slapped her on the back and started pushing her toward the door. 

 

“No worries Miss Min!  You are getting an expense-paid trip to the Windy City.”

 

=========

 

I pushed my way into the dressing room with my stylists in tow.  They hurriedly started setting up my array of clothing and accessories for the performance and interview.  I gave a large grin as I eyed up the baggage.  This was the fun part where I got a chance to design my outfit for the live.  I started flicking through the garment bags on the rack and finally decided on a pair of pinstriped slacks with a form fitting print shirt that would show off my curves nicely.  I'd show that stupid Oprah who was boyish.

 

“Alright so you girls get comfortable and I’ll give you the rundown on what we are going to be doing on this lovely trip to Chicago,” Joe instructed as we made our way onto the small plane.  

 

“You even get your own jet?” Sun Ye asked me, the awe seeping into her voice. 

 

“It’s not mine, it belongs to Def Jam.  All their big artists get to share it.  I actually prefer flying normally, but it got to the point where a trip would last hours longer because so many people would recognize me and want autographs and pictures.”

 

Sun Ye just nodded her head mutely.  Apparently this little display of my popularity in America was a bit shocking for her.  She made her way to the seats in the middle of the plane and sat down.  I moved into place next to her and buckled my seat belt for our flight.  Joe moved into the row of seats in front of ours, his blonde fauxhawk bouncing as he turned around to lean on the seats facing us. 

 

“Okay, so filming for the show is done live obviously and will start at three o’clock on the dot, although I’m sure Yubin knows all of this.  She was on the show once before, you know,” Joe said excitedly to Sun Ye. 

 

I couldn’t help the embarrassed expression that came over my face when Sun Ye looked at me with a bit of pride in her eyes. 

 

“It was just one time, before I was really famous here,” I tried to explain.  “She is very supporting of minorities in America and I guess she thought I was a nice charity case or something.”

 

“Well even if she did think that, now she is having you back as a headlining guest!” Joe practically squealed.  “You get to do a musical performance and everything.  We obviously don’t have the new material ready for you to do that yet, but we settled on a short rap and then a dance segment.  So once we get you there you can get changed in the dressing room, hair and makeup and the like, and then you will do the recording of the performance.  After the performance comes the live interview.  They of course haven’t provided us with any preliminary questions, so I’m sure she will be doing this all as spur of the moment questioning.”

 

“Of course…” I mumbled with a frown. 

 

“Oh don’t be such a grump, Yubin,” Joe lectured me.  “I know you have something against Oprah for some bizarre reason, but you know that this is the best publicity your upcoming album can get right now.”

 

“It’s not for some bizarre reason.  She made fun of my bangs,” I muttered angrily.

 

“Oprah said that her hair looked like a little boys,” Joe whispered dramatically to Sun Ye.  “She’s had long hair ever since.”

 

I could tell that Sun Ye was smirking at me out of the corner of my eyes.

 

“Shut up Joe…” I growled. 

 

“Oh lighten up Yubin!  Let’s just make the most of this opportunity!  Now as soon as we get there we will have a car waiting at the airport that will take us directly to the studio and we can get started on all the prep work that I mentioned to you earlier and…”

 

“Excuse me Sir.  You need to sit down.  The flight is about to start,” the solitary flight attendant interrupted Joe with a glare. 

 

Joe gave her a sheepish look and twirled around in his seat and buckled up.  He always got on the bad side of the flight attendants when we traveled.  I proceeded to settle back in my chair and get ready for take off.  Sun Ye twitched slightly at my side.  I shot her a curious look.  Sun Ye was never really bad at flying; she just got nervous over the events that would happen post-flight. 

 

“Don’t tell me you’ve gotten to be a nervous flyer now?” I asked her quietly in Korean. 

 

“Not nervous really, I just don’t do a lot of traveling anymore.  I’ve mostly just stayed in Korea for the past few years if you didn’t notice.”

 

Urgh.  In the past this would be the moment when I reached out to hold her hand for the duration of the flight.  Sun Ye seemed to be thinking the same thing since her hand was nudging itself closer and closer to mine on the armrest.  I quickly withdrew my arm into the safety of my own seat and away from her sweet temptation. 

 

“Sun Ye, at least behave in public.  There are people crawling all over this little jet,” I warned her. 

 

She sighed and leaned back in her seat with closed eyes. 

 

“Fine, whatever you say.  Wake me when we get to Chicago.”

 

I watched her face as she slowly drifted off to the sounds of the airplane engine’s hum.  Why was she always making our time together so hard on each other.  It had to be as rough on her as it was on me, not to mention discouraging with the amount of pushing away I did to her.  I winced as the plane hit a slight bit of turbulence, which jostled us in our seats.  Sun Ye slid slightly so that her head landed on my shoulder, never once opening her eyes.  I bristled at the light contact, but made no move to shift the sleeping woman off of me.

 

God this was so wrong.  But even I couldn’t deny the comfortable, familiar feeling being with Sun Ye gave me. 

 

 

 ==========

 

I pushed my way into the dressing room with my stylists in tow.  They hurriedly started setting up my array of clothing and accessories for the performance and interview.  I gave a large grin as I eyed up the baggage.  This was the fun part where I got a chance to design my outfit for the live.  I started flicking through the garment bags on the rack and finally decided on a pair of pinstriped slacks with a form fitting print shirt that would show off my curves nicely.  I’d show that stupid Oprah who was boyish…

 

“Alright, that was a lot of hassle,” said Joe as he darted around the swarm of stylists with Sun Ye.  “They didn’t want to let your trainee in since she wasn’t technically a part of the act or staff.  Security around here is tight, man.”

 

“Seriously, it’s not like I’m here to assassinate Oprah,” Sun Ye said in a disgruntled tone. 

 

Several people walking by the dressing room glared at her statement suspiciously. 

 

“Whoa Sun Ye,” I said with a laugh.  “Better keep that rage to yourself, killer.”

 

“America is so paranoid about everything,” she said with a roll of her eyes. 

 

I just chuckled at her and picked out a pair of fingerless black gloves and a black fitted cap to wear with my outfit. 

 

“Um excuse me…”

 

We all turned to see a mousy looking intern standing at the doorway.  He was staring at me in awe and seemed about ready to piss his pants.  This happened more often around me than I cared to admit. 

 

“What’s up?  Did you want an autograph?” I asked politely.

 

“Um no, actually I’m here to talk to her,” he said as he pointed nervously at Sun Ye. 

 

“Excuse me?” I said with more than a little shock slipping into my voice.

 

Sun Ye just smirked at me as we waited for the boy to explain himself. 

 

“Um well Oprah heard that there was a trainee here with Miss Yubin and she wants to have her on the show as well.  Since it shows an up and coming star and all.”

 

Joe and I just blinked at the intern in astonishment.  No way was this happening…

 

“Um okay,” Joe managed to stutter out.  “Well your agent isn’t here with you today Sun Ye, so I guess it is your call.”

 

My gaze tore back to Sun Ye.  She took a deep breath and smiled brightly. 

 

“I’ve been told to make the most of every opportunity.  Let’s do this.  What clothing can I wear from this rack?”

 

Some of the stylists shuffled forward from the crowd to help Sun Ye go through the clothing to pick out something that fit her style.  My whole body felt slightly heavy.  I knew that Oprah was bound to do something spontaneous, but this was a little beyond what even I expected. 

 

“Um okay then,” Joe said a little shakily.  “Well this is surprising.  Better get over to those stylists and slip into your outfit.  You are on stage in thirty minutes.”

 

So I had thirty minutes until my inevitable nervous breakdown huh?  I grumbled as I made my way over to the makeup table.  Stupid Oprah. 

 

 

 =========

 

“And for my next guest I want to introduce someone whom I’m sure you all know, rapper extraordinaire – YUBIN!” 

 

I winced slightly at Oprah’s booming voice and walked calmly out onto the stage where she was waiting.  She reached out and grabbed me into a hug, which I vaguely had the presence of mind to return.  I hated being touched, but I couldn’t exactly brush her off on live television. 

 

“It’s great to have you back on the show Yubin!” Oprah exclaimed loudly into her microphone.  “We had Yubin on the show several years ago and the time finally seemed right to have her back come on again.  Plus I’ve heard that you are going back to the studio to record your new album soon!”

 

“Yeah, all the songs are written and ready,” I said charismatically into my microphone.  “I’m really excited to release this new album, I think it’s going to be my best yet.  And hopefully I’ll have a new tour for you guys by the beginning of next year.”

 

The audience clapped and cheered loudly at my hinting statement. 

 

“Well I think I am just as excited for that as everyone else out there!  AM I RIGHT CHICAGO?!”

 

I fought the urge to wince at her sound level.  How could all the people in the audience put up with her yelling that loudly into the microphone?  The whole point of that piece of technology was that you didn’t have to yell to make loud noises.  But I wasn’t gonna say that on live TV.  Instead I turned and waved cheerfully at the audience.

 

“I’m just sorry that I can’t sing any of my new material here today,” I said sadly.  “Instead I’m going to be doing a bit of a dance routine and older rap for all you guys.  It’s something that I never really get to do besides during live concerts, so hopefully that will be enough of a treat to make up for it.”

 

“You BET it is!” Oprah boomed loudly.  “Now we knew you guys would be slightly disappointed about the lack of new song, so if you look under your seats you’ll all find copies of all of Yubin’s albums so you can enjoy all her other music!  Plus you will all be on a waiting list for front row seats at her tour next spring!”

 

The audience cheered even louder at that and I could even hear a few guys yell out ‘I love you Yubin’ from the back of the crowd.  Silly boys. 

 

“And we even have one more surprise for all of you here today.  Yubin has someone very special who is gonna join her on her dance segment!”

 

Oh now this WAS a surprise.  I glanced over at Oprah to see what she was doing. 

 

“She has come all the way from Korea, just like Yubin did, to get her start here in America.  She’s just getting ready for her debut so this will be her first appearance EVER on live television in America!  Isn’t that exciting!?  She’s currently in training under Yubin, so I’m sure that she is gonna turn out to be quite the star.  Let’s give her a warm Chicago welcome!”

 

I turned slightly and saw Sun Ye striding confidently out onto the stage.  She was wearing a pair of shorts that showed off her legs and one of my skintight hoodies with the sleeves cut off.  It was one of the more feminine outfits I had, with still a bit of bad girl flavor.  And she was rockin’ it.  I had to mentally force myself not to stare as she made her way on stage over to Oprah for her welcoming hug. 

 

“Welcome to the show girl!” Oprah said exuberantly.  “I heard from some people backstage that you are quite the dancer yourself.  Think you can give Yubin a run for her money?  She’s known in America as being one of the best hip hop dancers in the biz right now.”

 

Sun Ye looked me up and down dramatically. 

 

“Oh I can definitely give her a run for her money.”

 

My jaw dropped slightly at Sun Ye’s audacity.  She did NOT just challenge me.

 

“Excuse me?” I snorted back at her.  “Maybe you should know that I’ve been studying hip hop dancing extensively since I debuted in America.”

 

“And maybe you should know that I studied it extensively in Korea,” she shot back at me.

 

Oprah’s jaw dropped in anticipation at our verbal banter.

 

“Oh now that sounds like a challenge!  Am I right people?!” 

 

The audience cheered with the most energy they had shown yet.  Of course they would be excited for a dance battle. 

 

“Alright!”  Oprah yelled.  “Let’s get the music started up and you girls can show us what you’ve got!”

 

She backed off the stage to give us space and a booming backbeat started up.  I sighed mentally as I looked across the stage at Sun Ye.  This day was just getting more and more messed up as it went on.  I had practiced a whole dance routine for this show and that was obviously being thrown completely out the window by one of Oprah’s ‘whims.’  Sun Ye was lucky she looked so hot in my clothes otherwise I would have been pissed at this turn of events. 

 

And that thought was totally not conducive to this dance fight. 

 

I shook my head of all good and sexy thoughts of Sun Ye and stared her down across the dance floor.  She seemed to be holding back to give me the first chance out on the floor.  I waited for the lyrics on the old Ne Yo song they were blasting in the studio to start and I glided across the floor so I was dancing in front of her.  With each beat that resounded through the speakers I popped and locked another part of my body effortlessly.  I really had been working on my hip hop dancing while in America and I had it down perfectly.  As soon as the beats faded into the background again I did a glide in a circle around Sun Ye to show off and then slid back to my side of the stage.  The crowd was going wild.  I had totally nailed it. 

 

Sun Ye just grinned at me from across the stage and didn’t look the least bit threatened by my excellent show.  As soon as the chorus on the song started up she sashayed her way across the stage to stop in front of me and started swaying her body to the music.  Every sway she did was punctuated with a popped motion to her hips, giving her dance a sense of aggression and power.  My breath sucked in slightly on instinct as I realized exactly what song was playing. 

 

“And I just can’t pull myself away – Under her spell I can’t break. – I just can’t stop – I just can’t stop”

 

Damn…  I wanted to smack Oprah for her all too appropriate song choice.  Sun Ye just twirled in front of me and pressed her back up against my front and slid down tauntingly and then slid slowly up again, all the while trailing her fingers down my sides.  This was the sort of touching she had been saving for when we were in private, but now she was getting away with it in front of a live studio audience.  I willed my body not to react and do anything stupid in front of the dozen or so cameras that were trained on us.

 

“And I just can’t bring myself away – Under her spell I can’t break – I just can’t stop – I just can’t stop”

 

I just watched Sun Ye with hooded eyes as she continued to dance up in my very personal space.  She knew exactly what she was doing.  And she was doing it well.  Obviously she wasn’t lying about those hip-hop lessons in Korea.  All of her motions were fluid and filled with sexual tension.  She finally pulled back a bit to see my expression after her challenge.  I put on my best bored expression and just crossed my arms.  No way I would let her see the effect her dance was having on me. 

 

Sun Ye looked at me with a grin and wagged her finger at me.  What did she have up her sleeve now?  With a flourish she dropped immediately in a split.  The second she hit the ground completely she swung her legs around and began a perfect 6 step.  My heart thudded in my chest as all the memories of teaching her that very same break dancing move flooded back into my mind.  Sun Ye had definitely been practicing; she was swinging her body around effortlessly, transferring smoothly from her six step into a four step and back.  Finally she leaned back onto her shoulder, lifted her self up off the ground on one arm, and grabbed onto her ankles into a perfect airchair freeze. 

 

If my jaw hadn’t dropped yet it definitely did at that point.  After holding the freeze for several seconds she dropped herself down and spun back to her challenge position.  She smirked at me as she breathed heavily on the other side of the stage.  I could vaguely hear the audience freaking out in the background. 

 

This was obviously gonna be harder than I had previously thought.  Time for me to bust out my A list material.  It was a good thing I had decided to wear a hat.  I let my body fall into the rhythm again and started moving back and forth in a basic top rock step to gain momentum.  Once my speed had built up to the chorus I crossed my legs and dropped into a six step that mirrored Sun Ye’s.  I went around a few times before I leaned down onto my shoulder, using my momentum to carry me around in circles.  The audience started cheering as I spun across the floor out my shoulders, legs spread wide in a well-executed flare.  I let myself go around until I could feel my speed drop slightly and then I pushed up from my shoulder into a handstand, letting my energy from the flare twirl me around into a perfect 1990 spin. 

 

The cheering from the audience was immense.  I was definitely doing better than they had ever dreamed of me being able to do.  But I wasn’t done yet.  The second I came down out of my headstand I started gliding backwards away from Sun ye, adjusting my cap as I moved.  As soon as I was far enough away I broke into a brisk jog towards her.  I could see her eyes widen in shock before I dropped down to the ground and executed a quick freeze on my head.  The energy I had built up from the jog let me slide across the floor on my hat, coming to a perfect stop in front of Sun Ye’s startled face.  I reached around and grabbed my feet lightly at the ankles in the same move that Sun Ye had ended with on her section against me.  It was over.

 

“Oh my God!  That was AWESOME!  Only in Chicago can this sort of stuff happen!” I heard Oprah screaming as I dropped down to the floor again. 

 

My muscles gave out the second I came out of the freeze and I just collapsed on the floor panting, the sounds of the audience and Oprah yelling faded into the background.  Sun Ye stepped forward and held her hand out for me to take.  Normally I would have shied from her touch, but my mind seemed to be just as worn out as my body was right now.  I reached up and grabbed her hand as she lifted me up off the ground.

 

“You’re right, Oprah’s show is really tough,” she whispered. 

 

“And we haven’t even done the interview yet.”

 

 ==========

 

 

 _To:[snow_white_funk@defjam.com](mailto:snow_white_funk@defjam.com)_

 _From:[first_snow@interscope.com](mailto:first_snow@interscope.com)_

 _Re:  Nothing Says Excitement like the Windy City_

 _Yubin~_

 _You haven’t responded to any of my emails yet.  I never expected you to reply really, but I will still keep writing them since I believe in you enough that I know you are reading them._

 _Okay so you were totally right about Oprah.  That was definitely worth getting nervous over.  She really does like to put people on the spot.  I’d been told back stage that they wanted me to dance with you.  I guess I should have realized that didn’t mean just doing a duel dance routine with you.  The interview was slightly better.  I mean at least she didn’t make fun of your hair this time (although I would have liked to have seen that!) on live television.  I never really meant to invade on your promotional work for your new album.  I do hope you aren’t mad at me over that._

 _I feel like I apologize to you over my actions all the time now.  My mind keeps telling me that you have no interest in getting back together with me.  I mean, I’m not blind.  I can see you pushing me away and giving me angry glances every time I try and touch you.  Any other person probably would have taken the hint and given up on you by now.  Yet my heart tells me that you don’t mean it.  And I really want to trust my heart on this one._

 _Yubin, I’m not just going to go away if you keep pushing me back.  I’ve worked three years for this debut in America, all because I wanted to see you.  I waited three years for this.  You pushing me away for a few weeks seems like nothing in comparison to all that.  I think you wrote something similar to that many years ago to me.  That you were going to win me over no matter what.  Well now it is my turn to say to you that it is only a matter of time before I win you over._

 _Well at least that is what I keep telling myself.  I promised I would be more open and honest with you though.  It hurts to be so close and yet so far.  And it’s totally demoralizing.  Sometimes I feel like you aren’t attracted to me the way that I am to you.  I had a flicker of hope today when we were dancing on the show.  When I pressed up against you I thought I felt you shiver slightly at my touch, but when I looked at your face you were just as impassive as ever._

 _I seem to have just typed myself into quite the depression.  Maybe I’ll call Ye Eun for a boost.  She always makes me smile.  Then after that perhaps I’ll go running back to Korea and just hook up with her instead.  Would that make you jealous?  :P_

 _slightly worried, but still just as much in love,_

 _~Sun Ye_

 

 


	3. Chapter 3:  Re: Past and Presumptions

BZZZT  BZZZT BZZZT

 

My hand slammed down on my annoyingly familiar alarm.  Six AM on the dot, as usual.  I swung myself out of bed and started on my perfectly organized morning.  It was going to be a very busy, stressful day.  After months of preparation and planning it was finally the day we were going to start recording my new album.  I wasn’t that worried about my song going over well; the composition they had given me was solid and I had spent a lot of time modifying some lyrics to match it.  All my anxiety was definitely stemming from the fact that this would be the first time that Sun Ye would hear me sing since we were in Wonder Girls together. 

 

I headed into the kitchen and put the kettle on to make my normal pot of morning tea.  Caffeine was definitely gonna be a plus for this long day.  There was no way to be able to tell how long I was going to be in the recording studio today and we were only doing one song.  As soon as the stove was on I reached for the remote to turn on the television for my morning news. 

 

“Today is the day that power rapper Yubin will head back to the recording studio to begin work on her new album release.  She revealed on Oprah yesterday that…”

 

“Oh my goodness, you watch the news to hear stuff about yourself?  That is so precious!”

 

I snapped my head over to the entranceway to see Sun Ye standing there with a smirk on her face. 

 

“Sun Ye!?  Why are you here?  How the hell did you get in?!”

 

“I’m here to pick you up to head to the recording studio together.  Also, in one of the stupidest moves ever by a famous singer, you don’t lock your apartment door,” Sun Ye pointed out.

 

“Yeah, well I’ll lock it now!”  I exclaimed as I started pushing her out my front door. 

 

“Hey!  You can’t just get rid of me like this!  That’s so rude!”

 

“Watch me,” I grumbled as I guided her through the doorway.  “You can’t bust into my morning.  I have a routine and you are throwing off my groove.”

 

“So your routine now includes tossing a helpless girl out into the cold New York City streets at six in the morning?  Your mom would be ashamed of you.”

 

Urgh.  She had me there.  I just couldn’t let her go out there at this time of day.  The sun wasn’t even up yet and going out into a dark New York wasn’t always the best of ideas.  With a sigh I stepped aside and let her back into my apartment, making sure to lock the door behind her this time.  Sun Ye proceeded to take off her shoes and explore the apartment. 

 

“Wow, you have posters of your magazine covers on the wall?” she said as she pointed at my Rolling Stone cover.  “So it’s not just your taste in television that is egotistical.”

 

“That definitely wasn’t my taste in interior decorating, Def Jam had them put up on the walls when I moved in.”

 

“But you haven’t taken them down,” Sun Ye countered with a smirk.

 

She had me there, but I wasn’t gonna admit that to her face.  I just crossed my arms and glared lightly at her. 

 

“Oh is your bedroom the room down the hallway here?” Sun Ye asked as she continued to explore the apartment. 

 

“Okay, fun time is over!” I yelled as I started to pull her away from my bedroom.  “Now you get to just sit on the couch and wait patiently while I drink my tea and watch my news.”

 

I shoved Sun Ye onto the couch and went into the kitchen to pour us both a cup of tea from the heated kettle.  Letting her into my bedroom was something I just couldn’t allow.  The two of us back there alone might prove to be too great a temptation. 

 

“Wow you seem really adamant on not letting me back there.  Got a girl in there?” Sun Ye joked with me as I handed her the cup of tea. 

 

“No!” I spluttered out.  “It’s just really messy in there and that would be embarrassing.”

 

Okay so I lied.  From the look on Sun Ye’s face she didn’t believe me anyway.  She just continued to smirk in that way that she seemed to be doing all the time with me now.  Urgh, how annoying.  I picked up a magazine from my coffee table and started to leaf through it so I didn’t have to look at her.  This seemed to be my favorite method of avoiding her at this point. 

 

“I didn’t sleep with Park you know.”

 

I stopped mid-sentence in my reading.  That was something I never expected to come up in today’s conversations.  I held my magazine up in front of my face to cover any interest that might have been displayed at her abrupt subject change. 

 

“I didn’t ask you if you did,” I said slowly. 

 

“I know you didn’t.  And I know we don’t talk about the emails that I send you every night in person either.  You never answer, but I know you don’t have the heart to delete them without reading them.  In those emails I promised you that I was going to be totally honest and open with you now.  So… I didn’t sleep with Park.”

 

That statement definitely made me happier than I cared to admit.  Sun Ye had been publicly dating Park for over a year and a half, but they had never gotten intimate?  Maybe I had been a bigger influence on her than I had thought.  Or maybe it was because she still had such strong feelings for me, which made me even happier.  I made sure my magazine was covering my face and let out a small grin at the thought. 

 

“You guys dated for a really long time and you never slept together?  That’s really odd.  Guess I really did turn you against guys,” I said in as uninterested a voice as I could manage. 

 

“Yubin, you know that isn’t the reason,” Sun Ye said slowly.  “Well not fully at least.  I mean he was a really handsome guy and I think I would have been attracted to him if it wasn’t for… well you.  Not because of the whole girl thing, but because of my feelings for you.  At first I didn’t want to admit that I still cared about you, especially after everything you had done.  But at one point he came over to my apartment and we were all alone and… well I just couldn’t do it.  That’s when I realized that I had to be you.  It always had to be you Yubin.”

 

I just sat there on the couch listening to her, pretending to read my magazine.  She certainly wasn’t holding back anything at this point.  Deep down it definitely gave me a small twinge of happiness to know that she still loved me enough to not sleep with her stupid boyfriend.  I picked up my tea and sipped on it as I continued to read my magazine. 

 

“So did you sleep with anyone while we were apart?”

 

I immediately spit my tea out all over my magazine. 

 

“Wh-what?!”  I stammered out.

 

“You heard me just fine, don’t try and pull that,” Sun Ye scolded as she watched me expectantly.  “Plus now your magazine is ruined so you can’t keep hiding behind it.”

 

My hands moved nervously over the top of my now completely soggy magazine.  As much as I appreciated the notion that Sun Ye hadn’t slept with her long term boyfriend because of me I couldn’t say that I had done the same.  I mean, it was three years.  Apart.  And I wasn’t a total shut in.  Yet the logical voice in my head was telling me that Sun Ye definitely didn’t need to know the who’s and when’s of my post-break-up flings.

 

“Wow, I’m really hoping your silence isn’t because you can’t remember them all,” she said with a harsh stare.

 

“Hey!” I snapped back.  “I can too remember them all!  I’m not that big a slut.”

 

“AH HAH!  So you did sleep around!” Sun Ye said triumphantly.

 

Damn.  She had weaseled that out of me fair and square, but there was no way I was gonna let her get any more out of me than that.  I watched as her look of triumph slowly faded away. 

 

“Oh no… you didn’t sleep with Oprah did you?  Is that how you got invited back on her show?”

 

“What!?  No!  What?!”  I stammered out. 

 

“Geez Yubin,” she said with a chuckle.  “You are so high strung around me now that you can’t even take a joke.  I doubt you would go for someone who is as old as Oprah.  That isn’t your style.  Maybe someone you went on tour with, like Beyonce or Pink or something.”

 

I ducked my head quickly and started picking up our mugs filled with tea.  Sure, it was like admitting my guilt, but if she saw my eyes she would know anyway.  Once I had the mugs in hand I darted off to the kitchen to put them in the washer.

 

“No WAY!” I heard her yell from behind me.  “Seriously Yubin!?  Beyonce is married.  You are such a home wrecker!”

 

Her hand tugged on my arm and I swung around to meet her.  She seemed to be honestly a little upset about this revelation.  Did she honestly believe that I was going to be waiting for her over in America?  When I had heard about her dating that swimmer in Korea I figured that she was trying to move on with her life and I had tried to do the same in my own.  Obviously she hadn’t really taken that step, but how was I supposed to have known that?

 

“And I never said that I slept with her, you just jumped to conclusions,” I said brusquely.  “Anyway it’s about time for us to be leaving to go to the studio.  This conversation has gone no where good, nice job bringing it up.”

 

I brushed by her and reached into the closet to grab my leather jacket so we could start heading out.  Sun Ye just stood in the doorway with her arms crossed, giving me a blank look.  I shook the keys to my place in front of her expectantly to let her know we should get out and lock up.  Finally she snapped out of it and started to put on her shoes.

 

“You’re totally right,” she agreed.  “Stupid conversation to have with an ex.  There is no reason for you to know about that one night Jessica and I got really drunk at an album release party.”

 

My mind crashed to a halt. 

 

“Whoa!  What?  Jessica!?  Like Jessica from Girls’ Generation Jessica?”

 

Sun Ye just kept her blank face as she opened the door and pulled me through the entrance by my sleeve. 

 

“Well it doesn’t matter anymore.  You closed the conversation.  Plus we need to get you to the recording studio so you won’t be late for work.”

 

She snatched my keys out of my paralyzed hands and locked my front door for me.  With a flick of her wrist she tossed the keys into my still motionless hands and started to walk briskly over to the elevator. 

 

“No, no!”  I yelled after her.  “Conversation reopened!  Reopened!  We should probably talk about this right now!”

 

This new Sun Ye was such a tease.  I never knew what was going through her head or when she was messing with me or not.

 

It was fantastic.

 

==========

 

“Alright Yubin,” Joe directed from the mixing station above the recording booth.  “We have all the music queued up and ready for you.  Your lyrics are on the sheet music in the booth with you, just in case you forget what you wrote.”

 

“Haha Joe,” I said sarcastically back to him. 

 

“Hey your head has been in the clouds for the past few weeks.  Can you really blame me?  Now don’t go ad-libbing the lyrics as you sing ‘cause the label really likes your split personality take on this song and have already sunk the money into the music video based on that concept.”

 

“I think I can manage that.”

 

“And for God’s sake, keep yourself focused,” Joe yelled at me through his microphone.  “I can see you zoning out already.  Before we would do these recordings in just a few takes.  I don’t know what has got you so out of sorts lately, but at least try and make a good impression on your lovely trainee won’t you?”

 

Yeah that was exactly what had me so unfocused in the first place.  Sun Ye just stared at me with her usual innocent smile and I sighed lightly.  I didn’t want to admit it out loud, but our conversation earlier had affected me more than I thought it would.  I had already accepted that Sun Ye had a thing with her swimmer boy and that had stung a bit all those years ago, but I had gotten over it.  It was one of the things that pushed me to move on in my own relationships, if those flings could even be called that.  So obviously the notion of Sun Ye going back to men didn’t mean much to me. 

 

Yet the thought of her and Jessica just wouldn’t leave my head.  At this point I was fairly certain that she had just said that to mess with me.  I had always said that I thought Jessica was the most attractive member of Girls’ Generation because I liked my women ‘exotic.’  It made sense that she would pick that girl to make me jealous. 

 

And it was totally working.  I didn’t have much control over Sun Ye if she went back to men, but if she did move on to other women… Obviously my subconscious wasn’t okay with that idea.  Dammit.  Sun Ye was obnoxiously good at this game we were playing together.  It was going to be very difficult to pay attention to the recording session if my mind kept running loops with these basic ideas. 

 

I glanced up at the overlook window from the recording deck and saw Sun Ye waving at me happily, looking incredibly sexy in her simple button-down.  Okay so I couldn’t look up there.  My eyes shifted back to the lyrics on the page in front of the microphone.  Yeah.  This was a safe zone for my eyes.  I adjusted my headphones so I would be ready for the instrumental track when they started playing it. 

 

“Alright I think I’m focused and ready.  Let’s do this.”

 

“Great, the tech is gonna play the music for you.  Everyone up here will listen and make sure we have usable takes,” Joe’s voice explained through my headphones.

 

The instrumental to my title track started blaring in my ears.  My head bobbed instinctively to the urban classical mix.  I had to admit, they found the best composers to match my lyrics.  It was easy to find the right mental space when I just closed my eyes and listened.  I waited for end of the opening and started my opening rap.

 

 _“Get ready for the shock – Commin’ up YAH_

 _Go on to the bright light_

 _Gimmie gimmie Shock-Feeling-Love YAH_

 _It’s a game with no motive ‘aight_

 _Get ready for the shock – Commin’ up YAH_

 _The future is comin’ now_

 _Gimmie gimmie Shock-Feeling-Love YAH_

 _And that future is a bettin’ GAME”_

 

My head continued to sway to the music and I looked up to the window to see Joe giving me a thumbs up.  I seemed to be off to a good start.  Instinctively my eyes were drawn over to Sun Ye.  Her eyes shined at me through the glass, her mouth slightly open in shock.  She seemed absolutely mesmerized by my recording.  I blushed lightly at her blatant admiration for my English singing.  This wasn’t going be good for my concentration at all.  I should have just kept looking at my sheet music.  The first verse instrumental started up in the headphones. I had to finish the rest of the song.

 

I shook my head off beat to try and rid my mind of the mental image of my adoring ex-girlfriend.  Dammit.  Focus Yubin.  This singing segment wouldn’t come as naturally to me as the rap anyway and thinking of Sun Ye was just going to make it harder.

 

 _“Like my feelings are just so simple to you_

 _common sense is so annoying-_

 _Why must you organize your world vie-“_

 

“Eh you can stop Yubin,” Joe’s voice rang in my headphones.  “The producer is giving me the red light here.”

 

“It’s not feeling soulful to me,” I could hear my producer complain.  “R&B is supposed to be soulful.  I thought you said you wrote this as a way to describe a part of yourself?  It just doesn’t sound like that to me right now.”

 

Ouch.  I really had written this to describe me.  It was one of my older writings that I had modified into a song for my new album.  Sure I had changed since then, but not enough that I couldn’t still empathize with my past self.  I shot an angry look up at the recording booth just in time to see Sun Ye grab a walkie headset from the techs. 

 

“Hey Yubin,” she said softly.  “I know I’m not really qualified to jump in here, but remember that JYP always said you have to be the person in the song.  You have to honestly feel, to become, what you are singing.  Try focusing your words like this.”

 

My lyrics started to spill out of her lips and my mouth dropped in a perfect reflection of the look she gave me earlier.  This was the first time I had heard Sun Ye sing since I had left her all those years ago in Korea.  The improvement was immeasurable.  Her confidence didn’t just fill her interactions with people; it dripped off of every note she sang.  Her voice boomed in my receiving headphones and it was all I could do to keep my heart from clenching in on itself.  She sounded so honestly angry and upset at the person she was singing to in her head. 

 

“Why must you organize your world view,” she finished soulfully.  “Well I don’t have the music, so I don’t know the rest of the lyrics, but that’s the way JYP always told us to si-“

 

I frowned slightly as her voice was cut out of my headphones and I glanced up at the window to see what was wrong.  Joe was gesturing wildly at Sun Ye, who was looking very surprised.  My producer had leapt up from the recording equipment and was talking a million miles a minute into his cell phone.  That could only mean something big was going down.  Like they were going to…

 

No.  They wouldn’t.

 

The door to the recording booth clicked open and Sun Ye bashfully walked in to stand next to the secondary microphone in the room. 

 

“We’re doing a duet now aren’t we?” I asked quietly, my mouth dry.

 

“Um, I don’t know for sure,” Sun Ye said as she twiddled her set of headphones in her hands.  “Your producer said he wants to hear me on the verses with your raps.  Just to see how we mix together.  I’m sure they won’t be interested in me after they hear us side by side.”

 

I blinked at her slowly.  She looked so terrified that I was going to be angry with her for usurping my song.  Confident Min Sun Ye was gone in an instant and I was left with the girl I remembered.

 

“You really have become an amazing vocalist.  Your rap… Hit me hard.  I didn’t even know how to react,” she whispered.

 

“It’s nothing,” I responded softly in Korean.  “Nothing compared to your beautiful voice.”

 

Sun Ye’s head snapped up to look at me and I ran my hand through my hair nervously.  Urgh.  I was getting soft again.  Time to distract her.  I took my sheet music and handed it to her.

 

“There are the lyrics.  This time you won’t have to stop singing.”

 

She looked at me thankfully and seemed about to thank me, but Joe’s voice boomed in my headphones and cut her off.

 

“Okay Yubin, I’m sure you’ve figured out what we are gonna do by now.  We’ve run it by a few people and if this works like we hope it will… well we are gonna have a brand new promo track for your new album.  And Sun there will have her debut track for the US market.  Her manager is down for it and Interscope has basically all but signed the paperwork for this to work.  All lights are green.  Now we just need you two to show us that you can actually sing together.  Maybe you can stop being standoffish to your trainee for five minutes and just see the opportunity that is in front of you.”

 

“Don’t worry Joe,” I said with a sideways glance at Sun Ye.  “It’s all about becoming the person in the song.  Let’s try this again.”

 

Sun Ye smiled at me lightly and got her headphones ready on her head for the music.  I had to lose myself to the music, my music.  I had to become this person, the one who craved the excitement of gambling on love.  This wasn’t me.  It was someone who treated everything like a game just to feel.  It was Sun Ye from all those years ago when she crushed my heart.  I closed my eyes to block out the visual of the current Sun Ye and took a deep breath.  I had to become her. 

 

My head instinctively started bobbing to the music as it started in the headphones again.  The beat thrummed with my heart, hitting me hard in the chest.

 

 _“Get ready for the Shock – Commin’ up YAH_

 _Go on to the bright light_

 _Gimmie gimmie Shock-Feeling-Love YAH_

 _It’s a game with no motive ‘aight_

 _Get ready for the Shock – Commin’ up YAH_

 _The future is comin’ now_

 _Gimmie gimmie Shock-Feeling-Love YAH_

 _And that future is a bettin’ GAME”_

 

Despite the fact that I had just sung those words a few minutes ago they felt entirely different now.  Even I could feel the emotion emanating off the rap.  I fought the urge to open my eyes and look at Sun Ye.  It would be bad to break my act right now.  The verse was queuing up in the headphones and I knew that Sun Ye was probably standing there with her eyes closed, becoming, just like I had done. 

 

 _“Like my feelings are just so simple to you-_

 _Common sense is so annoying_

 _Why must reason organize your world view?_

 _Because you are driving me crazy don’t you see-_

 _But somebody like you can’t do that_

 _Just decide on my happiness for me_

 _Like it’s all up to you?_

 _What does this leave me to do?!”_

 

Her words and emotion were perfect.  I felt my past self singing back at me.  We just had to push a little bit harder.  My head continued to bob to the beat and I moved on to my returning lines.

 

 _“Who’s the puppet?_

 _Who’s the master?_

 _Do you understand?_

 _You don’t get it do you?_

 _It all comes back to our game”_

 

Without skipping a beat Sun Ye’s soulful words returned fire. 

 

 _“And I ache and I ache_

 _It’s more than I can take_

 _It only gets even worse_

 _When I sleep – when I awake-“_

 

“Girls you can stop there for now,” came the rich voice of my producer.  “I think we have our new single.”

 

=========

 

 

I let out a deep breath as I watched my producer work his magic at the mixing station.  My voice blended in with Sun Ye’s through the tense atmosphere in the booth.  As much as I hated to admit it, that was some of the best work I had ever done.  Plus Sun Ye… well she was the perfect compliment to the song.  It seemed crazy at this point that I was going to do it solo without her. 

 

“This might be the best work you have ever done,” Joe said quietly next to me. 

 

So it wasn’t just me who felt that way, huh? 

 

“It was all thanks to Sun Ye,” I said carefully.  “Um… thanks.”

 

Sun Ye looked surprised at my sincere gratitude.  She shifted nervously and ran her hand through her fringe. 

 

“Trust me, the pleasure was all mine.”

 

My producer turned to us with a smile on his face, the first one I had seen all day. 

 

“Really, this is some of the best stuff I’ve worked on in years.  I have no doubt that with a little editing this will be the hottest song on the radio.  I’ve checked all the recorded clips and I’m confident I have good takes for everything.  It’s all just production from here on, so you girls are free to go for the night.”

 

Joe patted me on the back in an exaggerated fashion, almost knocking me to the ground.

 

“Yeah get out of here.  I already sent a rough mock up to the people at Def Jam and Interscope.  Yubin, they loved it so much that they are giving you a few days off as a reward.  Enjoy the break; it’ll probably be the last one you get in a while once the promotions on this start rolling.  Sun Ye, Interscope wants you at the office in the morning.  You unfortunately will be rather busy with rush prep and paperwork for your unexpected debut.”

 

“It’s a nice kind of busy though,” Sun Ye said with a smile.  “Thank you everyone for giving me this chance.”

 

I wanted to say that she deserved this.  That she sang even better than I did on this recording, that her voice sounded like a choir of angels and a whole ton of other mushy, cheesy things.  But I just couldn’t bring myself to say that out loud.  I had exposed myself enough for one day. 

 

Instead I walked over to the door and held it open for her expectantly. 

 

“Let’s get going.  They probably want us out of here so they can talk about how much they secretly hated the song as they edit it.”

 

“How did you find out our evil plan?” Joe asked sarcastically back at me.  “Now get out of here and get some sleep.  It’s past one in the morning.”

 

Sun Ye suppressed a yawn as if to highlight how late it really was.  I smirked at her and motioned for her to go through the doorway.  She smiled lightly and walked in front of me.  I gave one last wave to Joe and my producer and followed her towards the exit.  We were awkwardly silent.  It was hard to think of something to say.  Back there in the recording booth we had definitely connected again on some level.  Which didn’t bode well for my goal of staying away from her.

 

We got out on the street and Sun Ye seemed to be struggling to think of something to say.  I saw her eyes light up as she saw the all night pizza place across from the recording studio. 

 

“Come on Yubin,” she exclaimed as she grabbed my arm and dragged me toward the restaurant.  “We haven’t eaten since breakfast, you must be starving.  It is time for pizza; my treat of course!”

 

My common sense yelled at me from the back of my head again that this clearly wasn’t a good idea, but this time it was overpowered by the growl of my stomach.  I was far too hungry to argue at this point, so I trailed behind Sun Ye as she darted across the street and into the pizzeria.  She didn’t slow down until she reached the counter.

 

“Bring us a whole pizza.  We’ll be at the corner booth over there,” she said as she slapped money down and gestured to the back corner of the pizzeria. 

 

She reached down and grabbed my hand and led me to the back booth.  I glanced back at the cashier who was definitely staring at me with a look of recognition.  Great.  I would definitely have to try and keep it low key if he knew who I was.  Sun Ye scooted into the booth and moved over so I would have room.  I sat down, careful to leave space between the two of us.  Sun Ye just smirked at me as she realized what I was doing. 

 

“Look Yubin, I really feel bad about this whole recording thing.  It seems like no matter what I do, I end up stealing a bit of your starlight.  I’m sorry.”

 

“Really Sun Ye,” I said honestly.  “It’s not a big deal.  I really like the recording we did today.  As much as I hate to admit it, your singing really helped to bring my own to a new level.”

 

Sun Ye smiled at me and reached out for my hand on the table. 

 

“You wrote that song after we broke up didn’t you?”

 

Okay now this conversation was going exactly where I had hoped it wouldn’t.  I shot Sun Ye a pointed look as a warning for her to back off.  We weren’t going to do this, especially not in this pizzeria in front of a fan. 

 

“Yeah I wrote that after we broke up,” I said in Korean as I withdrew my hand from hers.  “It doesn’t mean anything now.  We obviously aren’t those people anymore.”

 

“But we became them Yubin; you followed my advice from JYP, I know you did.  For those hours we were in that studio recording you and I connected like we did all those years ago.”

 

Urgh.  I knew this was a bad choice.  I glared at Sun Ye and ran my hand through my hair in frustration. 

 

“It doesn’t matter who we were in that recording booth!  Don’t you see that Sun Ye?  The second we stepped back into the real world we went back to the you and me of today.”

 

She scooted closer to me on the booth bench.  Why the hell was the pizza taking this long?!  I didn’t know if I was gonna make it if she kept pressing this matter.

 

“You can’t deny our chemistry we had back there.  We had something then-“

 

“Yeah in the past we did,” I yelled in Korean as I stood up and backed away from the booth.  “But in the here and now we don’t have anything.  I can’t-You can’t-We can’t do this.  You need to stop just presuming that everything is gonna go your way Sun Ye.  Cause you are only going to get hurt.”

 

I didn’t even wait to see her reaction to my outburst.  I couldn’t.  My feet carried me out of the pizzeria as fast as they could and I ran out into the street to hail down a taxi.  Here I was being a total coward again, but I couldn’t stay there in that pizzeria with her pleading eyes any longer.  I had a few days off to myself now; it would be a good time to build up my resolve.  She was pushing harder and harder lately.

 

And every day I was one step closer to cracking.

 

 ==========

 

 _To:[snow_white_funk@defjam.com](mailto:snow_white_funk@defjam.com)_

 _From:[first_snow@interscope.com](mailto:first_snow@interscope.com)_

 _Re:  Past and Presumptions_

 _Yubin~_

 _Sometimes I can’t believe how much I can mess up a single conversation with you.  I’ve been sitting here crying and thinking about how many times I failed at having a normal anything with you now, when normal is all I desperately want._

 _I can’t believe I was stupid enough to bring up that ‘who we slept with’ discussion.  Before I went over to your apartment that morning I had decided I wanted to ask you about that.  More than that, I wanted to tell you that I hadn’t been with Park.  I know I didn’t have to do that, but I told you so many times that I wanted to be totally honest and open with you now.  Maybe somewhere in the back of my mind I figured that meant that you might be willing to open up and be totally honest with me again, the way you once were.  You never did tell me who you slept with, but you never were a very good liar.  So I know at least one person you spent the night with.  At first I wanted to be angry with you for sleeping around after me, especially when I waited so long for you, but I know it isn’t my place to do that.  After all, you slept with Younha (that one bugs me more honestly) and she is your best friend, and me when I was in your group.  Sleeping with someone you toured with… doesn’t surprise me at this point.  It’s okay Yubin, I accept that.  It’s just who you are.  But when it came to your reaction to my relationships post-break up…_

 _Honestly you didn’t act how I thought you would at all.  I was probably being unrealistic when I thought you would be happy that I didn’t sleep with my boyfriend because of you, but I didn’t think that they whole thing would freak you out that badly.  Maybe you really were just covering up how happy you were?  You seemed so solemn when I told you about Park, but when I tested the waters and mentioned Jessica you bristled up like an alley cat.  Perhaps the thought of me being with a guy wasn’t so bad, but the thought of me ever considering another woman made you jealous?_

 _And I know what you are probably thinking right now.  That I’m being presumptuous.  Again.  That’s fine with me because that presumption is all I have right now.  I keep trying to open myself up to you, prove that I’m not the woman who hurt you before, and all you are doing is slapping me down.  It hurts Yubin.  A lesser woman would have given up by now, but I know that it will all be worth it in the end if I succeed._

 _… yet it’s getting to the point where I don’t want to get hurt anymore.  You were totally right at the pizzeria.  At the same time, I want to believe that you won’t just keep beating down on my sincerity like this, but it feels like you are going to be just as stubborn as me.  You are a fantastic singer who wins over her audience with her outgoing personality, but won’t give her apologetic ex a chance to even talk to her.  Does this mean I have faith in you as an artist, but not as a person?_

 _I hate when I talk myself down like this.  And I hate it even more when it involves me talking you down._

 _Look, I just wanted to say I’m sorry for everything today.  Try and rest up and maybe we can start fresh after your break._

 _patiently waiting for you,_

 _~Sun Ye_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I take no credit for Yubin's song in this chapter. It is actually a translation I did of a Meisa Kuroki song with a few lyrics from Rie Fu. So props to them for making good music.


	4. Chapter 4:  Re:  Best Friends and Back Stabbings

I watched as the ducks in front of me scrambled to get the crumbs of bread that I had just tossed.  Feeding the ducks in the park was one of my favorite pastimes.  It was a perfect escape from the crazy pace of my current career.  I got out of the house, breathed some fresh air, and got to feed some adorable animals. 

 

Today though it just wasn’t cutting it. 

 

With a sigh I tossed the rest of the piece of bread to the anxious birds and leaned back on the park bench. 

 

It had been a day since the incident at the pizzeria, a day mostly spent by me moping in my apartment.  I was in no mood to go out and try and do chores or anything else.  Lying on my couch wallowing in my own thoughts and guilt had been enough.  Yet, now it was the beginning of day two after the incident and I still didn’t feel any better about the whole situation.

 

Things had gotten so complicated so quickly.  This was just supposed to be my new album recording and promotion.  Now it was the take-my-ex-girlfriend-wherever-I-go-and-try-and-not-crush-her-spirit-over-our-non-existant-relationship work circuit.  Geez, and I had thought that the new album was gonna be tough.  Yet at this point, it wasn’t even about the work of trying to keep Sun Ye to act appropriately or forcing myself to stay away from her.  Now it was about the hurt look in her eyes as I yelled at her in a little pizza shop on 5th. 

 

There were a whole ton of feelings involved.  That never made things easier.  Plus Sun Ye was trying out that whole honesty thing too.  It really had made me happy to know that she hadn’t slept with that stupid Swimming-Trunks Park because of me.  It was slightly flattering in a way, but at the same time it made me feel really guilty for what I had been doing in the meantime.  Which was ridiculous.  I mean, she couldn’t fault me for sleeping with people when we were broken up and her email showed that at least she understood that much too.

 

Yet I didn’t feel any less guilty.  Was I really that bad?  I never really considered myself sex-crazed like some of the other singers out there, but even I got that lonely craving sometimes.  I wasn’t just sleeping around with people left and right.  It wasn’t like it was when I was with Sun Ye.  What Sun Ye and I had in the past was definitely something beautiful, as hokey as it sounds.  Everything else that I had done was just primal nature.  Not to mention the fact that more than once Sun Ye had popped into my head during the actual act with the other girls. 

 

Urgh.  Crap.  It wasn’t like I could deny how I felt about Sun Ye.  That lingering feeling for her was what was making me feel so bad about all these things that shouldn’t have mattered at all.  This was why flings were better.  I never had all this enduring pain afterward.

 

So the tally for today; I felt guilty over sleeping with other people post Sun Ye, I had flings to fill the void, and all of this while still being head over heels for my ex-girlfriend.  Sun Ye had every right to lack faith in me as a person; I obviously sucked. 

 

I sighed and picked myself up off the park bench and started my lonely walk home.

 

 

===========

 

This was why days off did more harm than good.  After my visit to the park ducks I had returned to my apartment.  I had spent a few minutes looking through the paperwork on my new songs and then when I had realized that there was nothing for me to do with that I had settled in on the couch.  Which basically brought me back to the same moping and circular thinking that I had been doing earlier. 

 

“Even when she isn’t here to nag me in person she still invades my actions,” I muttered.

 

The sudden buzzing of my cell phone broke me out of my thoughts.  I glanced at my cell phone from my lounging position on the couch.  The display read a number that I had never seen before.  Urgh.  It was my day off, but perhaps a little work would actually be a good distraction. 

 

“Hey, this is Yu-“

 

“WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?” a voice screamed in my ear. 

 

The voice knocked me right off the couch, my head hitting the ground painfully.  Oh there was no way this was happening.

 

“Ye Eun?!”  I yelled back into my cell.  “How did you get this number?”

 

“Oh and it’s lovely to speak to you too.  Now I am in a pissy mood and you have two options.  Option one is that you come down here and I scream at you.  Option two is that you buzz me in so that we are in the privacy of your apartment when I scream at you.”

 

“You are in New York City?!  At my apartment!?”

 

I scrambled up onto my feet and looked at my door suspiciously.  After that incident with Sun Ye a few days ago I had started double checking to make sure I locked it.  There was no way she would get into my apartment, even if she did manage to sweet-talk her way past the security at the first floor. 

 

“Seriously Yubin,” Ye Eun said in her stern voice.  “If you don’t let me in I will just wait down here for you to come out.  I can be just as stubborn as you, especially when I am as cheesed off as I am right now.”

 

Urgh.  She was right.  There was no stopping a pissed off Ye Eun.  I might not have seen her in three years, but even I could tell from the tone of her voice that she wasn’t going to be beaten by me.  With a sigh I walked over to the doorway and hit the buzzer to let her into the building. 

 

“I just buzzed you in, come on up.”

 

The cell phone clicked in my hand, letting me know that Ye Eun had hung up and was proceeding to come upstairs to my apartment.  Crap.  Wasn’t my morning normal and mopey just five minutes ago?  What was going on?  Why was Ye Eun here in New York City?  It obviously wasn’t a vacation judging from how angry she was on the phone. 

 

I bit my nails nervously as I paced back and forth in front of the door.  Okay I wasn’t stupid.  I had avoided all contact with the Girls for the past three years and suddenly Ye Eun shows up shrieking at my door after I had gotten in a giant fight with her best friend.  It was obvious that the two events were connected. 

 

“Open the damn door Yubin!” she yelled from the hallway. 

 

It was pointless to keep her out at this point.  I walked forward and unlocked the door.  The second I opened it slightly Ye Eun slammed through the entrance and stormed into my living room. 

 

“I repeat, What the hell is wrong with you Yubin!?  I can almost accept the fact that you smashed our careers all those years ago, but then you start crushing the hopes and dreams of my best friend!?  I get phone calls from her at all hours of the night, crying and muttering things about how you won’t give her the time of day!  Do you know what it is like to get a full night of sleep Yubin?  Cause I sure don’t!”

 

The woman was on fire.  I could barely follow the angry Korean that was spilling out of her mouth.  She was flailing in the middle of my living room, her long, black hair flying around as she gestured animatedly.  Really, she hadn’t changed a bit.  She was just as emotional as she used to be.  Most people knew her to be a pretty chill person, but they didn’t see when something pushed her to the snapping point behind the scenes.  And obviously I had done something to get her there. 

 

“Are you done yet,” I asked in an exasperated fashion.  “Or do you want me to just sit down for this verbal lashing?”

 

My voice seemed to snap her out of her tirade and she turned around to look at me for the first time since she had busted down my door.  I watched curiously as Ye Eun’s mouth fumbled slightly, obviously torn between yelling at me and being happy to see me again after all these years.  Finally she sighed and walked over to me for a hug.  I could do nothing but blink at her in surprise as she threw her arms around me. 

 

“You look good Yubin,” she mumbled into my hair.  “Feel good too.  Did you put on some muscle?”

 

I pushed her off of me with a snort.  Ye Eun could always make a joke and make everything magically okay again.  Even if she was the one who was mad in the first place.

 

“Your flattery will get you nowhere Miss Park.”

 

Ye Eun just smiled as her eyes traced my face.  It really had been a long time for us.  Now that she was still it was much easier to get a good look at her.  She was sporting little makeup and her whole appearance had this natural, effortless beauty to it.  It was so utterly Ye Eun.  I obviously wasn’t the only person doing a mental overview; Ye Eun seemed to be checking me out in a similar fashion.

 

“You look so much more mature now.  Plus you grew your hair out!  It makes you seem all soft and feminine.  Did you do that just to get all the pretty New York City girls?” She asked with a quirk of her eyebrow. 

 

“Oddly enough, none of them have fallen for it,” I joked back in a faux scandalized voice.

 

She rolled her eyes at me and took a seat on one of the stools at the kitchen counter.  I followed her over and took a seat next to hers.

 

“Well I know one girl who has.  Obviously we are going to have to talk about that at some point.”

 

Yeah.  We would talk about that over my dead body.  At the very least I was going to put off that particular subject for as long as possible.  Besides, there were a billion other questions floating around in my head right now.

 

“First of all, what are you doing in New York City?  As gallant a thought as it is, I somehow doubt it is to fly to your best friend’s aid.”

 

“Yeah, I love Sun Ye and all, but I can’t just fly to America after getting fifty crying phone calls from her.  Although I’m a little surprised that you haven’t figured it out yet.”

 

I winced mentally at the number of phone calls Ye Eun mentioned.  Surely fifty was an exaggeration.  And figured what out?  Was there something terribly obvious that I was missing?  I just gave a quizzical look to Ye Eun to show that I had no clue what she was talking about.  She sighed and started flipping through my paperwork on the counter in front of us.  Finally she landed on my music for the song Sun Ye and I had just finished recording. 

 

“Honestly Yubin, I know you are a busy rapper and all, but you’d think you would take the time to read your own musical scores.”

 

She took the piece of sheet music and slid it across the counter toward me and tapped her finger at the top of the page.  I leaned in and read the words there.

 

“Lyrics by Kim Yubin, musical composition by PKY…”

 

“One guess who PKY might be,” she said with giant smile.  “My guess would be someone with similar initials… like maybe Park Ye Eun?”

 

Dammit.  The world had to be messing with me.  Not only was Sun Ye now featured on this single, it had even been composed by Ye Eun.  It was starting to feel a little like a Wonder Girls reunion at Def Jam.  That didn’t even make any sort of sense.  I let my head drop into my hands and tried to rub this bizarre reality out of my eyes. 

 

“You have got to be kidding me…”

 

Ye Eun’s hand patted me lightheartedly on my back

 

“You have no one to blame but yourself!  Most of Korea knows the penname for the great Park Ye Eun at this point.  Really, I guess you weren’t exactly keeping up to date with us at all while you were off getting famous in America.”

 

She had me there.  I checked Korean news sites occasionally, but my eye always seemed to just skim the articles for a glance of a certain other ex-Wonder Girls’ name.  The whole revelation made me feel like a terrible person.  We had all been so close at one point.  Well, until I had ruined all of that. 

 

“I’m so sorry,” I muttered into my hands.

 

“Don’t worry about it.  I was just kidding anyway, I know how busy you have been here in the US and-“

 

“No.  Not about that,” I said as I pulled my head out of my hands to give her a sincere look.

 

Ye Eun stared at me for a few seconds and then looked down at her hands sadly.  She knew what I was really apologizing for now.

 

“Yubin… really.  It’s alright.  We would have broken up at some point anyway; it was all just a matter of time.  Sure you rushed it in the worst way possible… But I’m honestly happy with the way everything turned out.  Because of that I finally got a chance to really work on my compositions.  I know you might not check the news lately, but I’ve done really well for myself in Korea.  People clamor to have their songs composed by ‘PKY.’  As much as I loved to sing, I have even more fun writing and helping others feel that joy of being on stage that I once had.”

 

The tension that had been remaining in the air between us vanished with her acceptance of my apology.  It made me glad to know that at least Ye Eun didn’t harbor ill will toward me for my previous fault.

 

“So Def Jam hired the top composer in Korea for me, huh?” I asked with a smirk.

 

Ye Eun beamed back at me.  Awkwardness averted.

 

“You know it,” she said loudly.  “Now I get the feeling that you are gonna ask a ton of other questions in an attempt to distract me.  But I hope you realize there is a far easier way to do this right?”

 

I stood up and ran for my jacket and keys.  Ye Eun followed me to the door with a smile.

 

“There’s a great diner on the corner of the street a block up.”

 

“See now you are talking!” Ye Eun said with a laugh.

 

I held the door open for her as we made our way out of the apartment. 

 

Yup.  Same old Ye Eun. 

 

==========

 

 

“So basically I got an all expenses paid trip to America just to sign off a piece of paper saying my best friend can sing on that new song,” Ye Eun explained as she took a bite out of her third hamburger.

 

“They could have just faxed you the paperwork, but I guess you aren’t in a position to really complain about the whole situation.”

 

Ye Eun shook her head strongly as she drained her Mountain Dew and ordered another one in her slightly accented English.  She had managed to stay in touch with her English training obviously, but hadn’t reached the level that Sun Ye and I had achieved.

 

“The label says they want me on hand to change the composition if it needs it as they edit it all together.  There is every chance I might have to rewrite things a bit now that there are actually two vocalists singing on the song.  Until they raise the flag that they need my help though I’m basically free to play in New York City!”

 

“You of course will be staying with me.  I’m sure they have you booked into some expensive, isolated hotel.  Have them send your luggage over to my place and you can stay in my spare bedroom.  My flat is needlessly large anyway.”

 

“Are you sure?” Ye Eun gave me a quizzical look as she shoved a french fry into her mouth. 

 

“It’s really the least I can do,” I said slowly.  “I have a lot I need to make up for and catch up on…”

 

She took a sip of her newly arrived drink and watched me with a smile. 

 

“Sun Mi and So Hee are fine.  They don’t hold anything against you either.  I think So Hee might have even been a little excited for a chance to break out of her mold and pursue her modeling.  She might have just been trying to escape Sun Mi though.  Anyway, it didn’t work cause they are just as connected at the hip as ever.  Sun Mi is an official So Hee groupie for life and follows that poor girl around constantly when she isn’t filming for her own dramas.”

 

“There’s no way So Hee honestly thought she would be able to get away from Sun Mi,” I said with a chuckle. 

 

“So true!” Ye Eun exclaimed as she pushed her plate away.  “Man I’m stuffed.  Totally worth it, for both the food and the company.”

 

She leaned back in her chair at the diner counter and let her arms fall to her sides.  I twitched lightly as I felt her hand graze my thigh lightly on the way down.  That was the fourth time Ye Eun had ‘accidentally’ brushed me like that.  If I were a more suspicious person I would have worried about the contact.  Instead I just leaned forward to grab the bill. 

 

“Nope!  Dinner is my treat!” Ye Eun exclaimed as she threw some money down on top of the piece of paper.  “Now let’s get out of here and do something fun!  It’s my first night in New York City in years!”

 

She grabbed my hand and dragged me off my stool towards the door.  I seemed to be getting pushed around by everyone lately.  Didn’t I used to be the spontaneous, aggressive one?  We rushed out of the diner and into the streets where Ye Eun continued to drag me along.  Stores sped by us on either side as we dashed down the sidewalk.  I hastily pulled out my sunglasses in an attempt to cover up my face from all the curious glances we were getting from other pedestrians.

 

“Oh look Yubin!  A street corner music group!  Let’s go see what they are singing,” Ye Eun said excitedly.

 

I smiled as she continued tugging me along towards the street performers.  There were four of them, performing whatever flowed into their heads.  Some of them had makeshift instruments like buckets that they drummed on lightly for rhythm, while others had worn out guitars.  Their sounds, despite being made on what would be considered inferior equipment in my workplace, came together perfectly into a lovely urban mix.  Ye Eun’s face lit up as she listened to them playing freely in front of us and squeezed my hand lightly.  I couldn’t help but smile back at her enthusiasm. 

 

Suddenly I heard a murmur start at the back of her throat and I looked at her curiously.  The noise coming from Ye Eun grew louder until it became a full-fledged note, one that she held for as long and loudly as she could.  The other street performers smiled happily at Ye Eun’s contribution and she began to sing with them.  Her notes flowed just as freely as the music; at times I thought I could pick out words, but then it would just fade into the harmony of the makeshift instruments.  Sun Ye wasn’t the only one who had improved with our time apart.  Ye Eun’s voice was more powerful than ever before and she hadn’t even been performing lately.  She must have missed it judging from her obvious excitement at singing with this street group. 

 

Well if you can’t beat ‘em.

 

With a smile I crouched down next to the performer with the bucket drum and started beat boxing.  It was something I had picked up on in America.  I wasn’t as good at it as rapping, but I didn’t want to draw attention to the little band for the wrong reasons and it seemed to go over well with the rest of the performers.  The six of us happily free styled our way through our made up song, a perfect blend of street rhythm and Ye Eun’s graceful R&B.  By the end of the song a sizable group of people had gathered in front and were throwing money into the performers guitar case.  They smiled at us again and thanked us for the fun addition. 

 

“We should probably get out of here before someone recognizes you through your Bono shades,” Ye Eun whispered in my ear as she leaned in close. 

 

Her fingers wrapped around mine and we were off running down the street again.  I smiled wide as I glanced at our clasped hands.  I hadn’t felt this free in a long time. 

 

 

=========

 

Ye Eun and I walked slowly outside my apartment building.  The whole evening had been surprisingly fun.  We had just wandered some of the streets in the area, going into stores occasionally, but usually just soaking in the local color.  I had never realized how much there was to do within walking distance of my penthouse.  Ye Eun had been practically her old fun loving self.  She joked around and ordered food from practically every street vendor we walked past.  It was like a trip down memory lane.  Except…

 

There were some awkward moments, times when she would trace her hand down my back or smile at me differently.  It was almost like she was testing the water between us. 

 

I shook my head lightly.  Yeah right.  This was Ye Eun.  I was obviously still high-strung over the whole Sun Ye thing.

 

“Thanks for this Yubin,” Ye Eun said as she shot me a goofy smile.  “It’s been a really fun night on the town with you.  Plus you perfectly managed to distract me from confronting you about Sun Ye.”

 

She squeezed my hand lightly in thanks.  Huh.  Had we been holding hands this whole time? 

 

“You were always a bit of a bright light in Wonder Girls,” Ye Eun said quietly.  “Sun Ye might have been our pillar of leadership, but you were our real support.  Without you it all came tumbling down.  At the time I thought that I was angry with you leaving because of what you did my career… to my best friend.  But looking back, maybe I was totally wrong.  In hindsight there are a lot of things that I really wish I could have changed and…”

 

Ye Eun took a deep breath and looked at me seriously.

 

“Yubin… Do you believe in living a life of regrets?  Because I don’t.”

 

My vision blurred slightly as my mind tried to get a grasp on what was happening.  I glanced down at our intertwined hands.  All the touches from throughout the night, her refusal to let me pay for anything, a night out on the town together... It wasn't... We didn't just...

 

She took a step closer to me and rested her free hand on my cheek, the warmth of her fingers still feeling cold against my heated cheeks. 

 

“Even if it all comes crashing down around me… At least I will know I tried,” she whispered.

 

Her lips fell lightly on my own, waiting for my reaction.  I could lightly taste her lip-gloss as she moved against me.  This was wrong wasn’t it?  In the back of my foggy mind I would hear a little voice telling me that much.  I instinctively pushed it out of my mind completely as Ye Eun’s fingers traced down my neck to my shoulder. 

 

This was one hell of a regret Ye Eun had. 

 

Ye Eun sensed that I wasn’t going to push her away and pushed the kiss even further, sucking lightly at my bottom lip.  I whimpered slightly as she exploited my biggest weakness.  Oh hell.  I pressed back and tilted my head to deepen the kiss.  My mind swirled and all I could feel were Ye Eun’s lips on mine.

 

Eventually we broke apart, panting slightly. 

 

“Yubin, I…”

 

Her eyes flicked over my shoulder.  I turned around and it all came crashing down. 

 

Sun Ye stood there on the empty sidewalk biting her lip, staring at us. 

 

“Sun Ye…” both of us whispered at the same time. 

 

Ye Eun looked nervously at her best friend, but Sun Ye made no sign of recognition.  She just continued to stare.  At me.

 

“I’m gonna go upstairs Yubin,” Ye Eun whispered quietly to me. 

 

She scooted away from me and jogged lightly up to the building doors to my apartment and disappeared inside.  Sun Ye and I continued our silent stares.  My muscles were tense, just waiting for the moment when she would run forward and slap me or start to cry uncontrollably. 

 

After an eternity of our wordless fight she simply turned around and walked away into the night.  That was even worse than the two other possibilities I had imagined. 

 

“Even if it all comes crashing down, huh?” I whispered.

 

I turned on my heel and went back inside to my apartment.  And to Ye Eun. 

 

 

 ==========

 

 _To:[snow_white_funk@defjam.com](mailto:snow_white_funk@defjam.com)_

 _From:[first_snow@interscope.com](mailto:first_snow@interscope.com)_

 _Re:  best friends and back stabbings_

 _~Yubin_

 _I wasn’t going to write to you, really I wasn’t.  But then I realized that it wasn’t like I could call my best friend to talk to her about this issue either.  I had this small infinitesimal hope that maybe, just maybe, you were checking your email to hear from me.  That I would win out somehow._

 _It seems like that is all my life has been lately.  Infinitesimal hopes._

 _I’m not blaming you, Yubin.  Honestly.  If the past few days has taught me anything it is that I can’t hold you to anything you did while we were broken up.  I can’t get mad at you for sleeping with Beyonce or Younha… or Ye Eun.  We aren’t together right?  That’s what you would tell me._

 _But then why does it hurt so much?_

 _Probably because this time the girl you chose to be with is my best friend, not some random, hot starlet.  For years Ye Eun and I have been closer than sisters… but she never said anything about this to me.  I guess I wasn’t exactly forthcoming when you and I started getting close either, but still… She of all people knows what you mean to me.  I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to look at her the same way again._

 _So not only am I without the woman I love, I am without my best friend._

 _I was originally stopping by to say sorry for pushing you so much lately (sorry I guess) and also to deliver a message from the record label.  They want us to be back at work on Thursday for a review of the single._

 _See you at work in two days._

 _infinitesimally hoping,_

 _~Sun Ye_

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5:  re:  What are Friends for?

My fingernails dug lightly into the back of Ye Eun’s neck as she kissed her way down my neck.  For a girl who had stayed away from distracting relationships for most of her adult career, and women in particular, she sure seemed to know what she was doing.  I shivered as she nipped lightly at my collarbone.

 

“Wow Yubin, you are like a coiled spring.  Haven’t been getting much in the sexy, fun department I take it,” she rasped in my ear.

 

I frowned lightly as Ye Eun’s hands found their way up under my pajama top.  So I didn’t do anything like this lately.  Most would consider that a good thing.  I only did this when I really had to unwind and the stress with Sun Ye lately had definitely been a big enough anxiety for this little escapade with Ye Eun.  Besides who could blame me?  Sun Ye herself had pointed out that we weren’t together.  I couldn’t deal with another real girlfriend.  It was only when I tried to have relationships that I seemed to get my heart crushed.  Flings were harmless.

 

My fingers yanked on the back of Ye Eun’s head to bring her lips crashing down on my own.  That seemed to shut her up easily enough.  I took advantage of the distracting moment and flipped Ye Eun onto her back, hugging her hips with my knees as I towered over her in an attempt to hold her down. 

 

“If you can tell I need this, then why are you bothering to talk?”

 

Ye Eun let out her trademark, sexy smirk and leaned up toward me.  Her fingers traced lightly at the bottom of my shirt and then darted underneath the fabric to the graze the skin on my stomach.  She slowly pushed the shirt up to reveal my flat abdomen.  My breath wavered in my chest as she started to lay lingering kisses on all the skin she exposed there. 

 

“Just think,” she said in between her heated kisses.  “If you have been waiting a few months to get some action… I’ve been waiting over five years for a piece of you.  Doesn’t really compare does it?”

 

All the air that I had been holding in my lungs came rushing out as she suddenly pulled my pajama shirt up over my head and tossed it across the room.  I pulled her face up to my own to kiss her again.  She returned the kiss with even more fervor.  Five years was indeed a long time.  Who was I to deny her any further?  I let myself fall backwards onto the bed, pulling Ye Eun on top of myself. 

 

I knew what I was doing was very wrong.  I’m sure Ye Eun knew that too.  What the two of us had was obviously in the moment; she had to go back to Korea and I had to stay here in America.  Not to mention the whole issue with Sun Ye… I, the person she was obviously in love with, was being pinned to my bed by her best friend.  Well, probably ex-best friend at this point.  So if Sun Ye already knew what was going on we might as well just do the crime. 

 

Ye Eun's tongue traced around the outside of my lips and enticed me to open my mouth and let her go further.  She was so insistent, not at all like the shy, adorable actions of Sun Ye.  Every single move by Ye Eun was dripping with need as opposed to the feeling and love of Sun Ye's caress.  The difference occasionally made me falther in my motions.  Should I really be comparing the two of them right now?

 

“I can’t believe my best friend would do this with my ex-girlfiend,” a voice broke our kiss apart.  “Aren’t there friendship codes about this sort of thing?”

 

Ye Eun and I both looked nervously up to the doorway to my room and saw the pissed off silhouette of Sun Ye standing there.  She crossed her arms and scowled at us. 

 

“And you didn’t even have the common decency to invite me too?”

 

I could feel Ye Eun’s confused stare turn to me.  I wanted to ask if Sun Ye was being serious, but all words were lost on my tongue as she unbuttoned her shirt and let it fall to the ground.  Wow.  When I woke up this morning, I definitely didn’t think my day would play out like this. 

 

Sun Ye sauntered over to the bed in her underwear and slid in next to her very shocked looking best friend and me.  I watched as Ye Eun’s mouth fumbled to try and find words for this new development.  Sun Ye just traced her fingers lightly up my exposed torso.  Holy crap. 

 

Finally Ye Eun seemed to reach a decision and just shrugged at the newcomer.

 

“Whatever.  I mean, this day has been messed up enough as is, why not add this to the mix too?”

 

Sun Ye grinned back at her best friend and they both slid up my body enticingly.  In perfect synch, they each lowered themselves to kiss the side of my neck; Ye Eun on my left and Sun Ye on my right.  All I could do was sit there and let the pleasure roll over me in waves. 

 

“Sun Ye, I-“

 

BZZT BZZT BZZT

 

I spasmed as the alarm slammed me back into reality, which unfortunately sent me flying to the ground for the second time in so many days.  I blinked angrily at my completely empty bed and then let my head slam into the ground. 

 

“Why is my life so effed up…”

 

==========

 

 

There was little point in even trying to avoid Ye Eun after having a dream like that.  She was still staying with me in my apartment and she tended to wake up even earlier than I did.  She was probably already sitting in the kitchen with a cup of tea, waiting for me.  It wasn’t like we really did much of anything; we slept in separate rooms and hadn’t even gone out on a date.  Despite all that it still didn’t feel… right. 

 

I sighed and went out into the living room to greet Ye Eun.

 

“You sure do like to sleep in don’t you,” Ye Eun teased cheerfully from the kitchen. 

 

I double-checked the clock just to make sure I did wake up on time.  6AM on the dot.  Just like always.  When the hell did Ye Eun get up that 6AM wasn’t early?

 

“You know most people would consider 6AM to be very early,” I said grumpily as I threw myself onto the couch to watch my morning news.

 

Ye Eun just laughed at me from the kitchen and I could hear her clinking around to make morning tea for us.  I clicked the TV on and started to watch the entertainment news with light interest.  After a few minutes of watching, a mug blocked my view of the television.  My eyes followed the interfering object up to Ye Eun’s grinning face.  I took the tea from her hand with a suspicious smile. 

 

“Thanks I guess.  But this doesn’t mean that you are off the hook for calling me lazy,” I said jokingly as she slid onto the couch next to me. 

 

“Oh yeah?  What would get me off the hook for that then?”

 

I spluttered lightly on my tea when I heard her suggestive tone.  Wow.  It was still hard getting used to this new, sexy Ye Eun.  I glanced over at her questioningly just to see if she meant it.  She just stared back with her usual grin.  Huh.  I slowly put down my mug on the table.  Ye Eun’s grin grew as the mug was safely out of the way and crawled across the sofa toward me.  I lay back down on the couch, letting her lie next to me.  She tugged on my hair playfully as I stared up into her smug face.

 

“Hmmm what would Yubin like that would distract her?” Ye Eun asked in a husky voice to rival my own. 

 

She leaned down and kissed me lightly.

 

“Is it working yet?” she joked playfully.

 

Ye Eun’s carefree nature was so refreshing.  With her I could almost forget all the crap that had been going on lately.  I don’t know how she managed it when being here with me meant her best friend was probably off burning her in effigy.  No.  I couldn’t think about that right now.

 

“A little bit,” I answered grudgingly.

 

She smiled at me and leaned in again, this time for a deeper kiss.  I could feel her body slide up next to mine on the couch and my cheeks flared up.  This was getting unsettlingly close to my dream.  What would Sun Ye think if she could see this right now?  I couldn’t help but feel a little guilty here with Ye Eun. 

 

As if she knew I was getting distracted, Ye Eun slid her hands upwards on my sides and I pulled her in closer.  Okay time to stop thinking.  It was never good for matters like this. 

 

==========

 

 

I leaned up against the wall in the Def Jam artists’ lounge.  This morning wasn’t as bad as I figured it could have been, especially considering my dream from last night, but now was the truly nerve-wracking part: seeing Sun Ye again.  Ye Eun and I had talked lightly about what we were going to do when we met her again.  She was all for acting natural about it and accepting whatever blame Sun Ye wanted to lay on her.  That was fair enough; Sun Ye was her best friend, so if that was the way she wanted to deal with this so be it.  I was for a much different plan; one that involved me not coming to work today and instead hopping on a plane to Alaska to fulfill my lifelong dream of becoming an Inuit. 

 

Ye Eun stared at me from her chair and let out a small sigh.  She stood up gracefully and sauntered over to lean against the wall next to me.  Her fingers poked lightly at my hand before clasping it and interlacing our fingers. 

 

“Stop looking like you are about to wet yourself Yubin,” she joked.  “We haven’t even done anything that bad.  It’s not like we just hopped in bed together.  All we’ve done is kiss a few times.  Sure they were passionate, sexy kisses, but still!”

 

She swung our joined hands lightheartedly in between us and I couldn’t help but look down at them and smile. 

 

“You always make everything seem so effortless and easy, you know that?  Shouldn’t you be a little more worried about how your best friend of five years is gonna act when she sees you with me?”

 

I turned toward Ye Eun to see her reaction to my question.  She just gave me one of her trademark confident grins. 

 

“Like I said before, sometimes you just have to risk everything.”

 

Ye Eun tugged on my hand lightly and leaned in close to my side.  I was terribly conscious of the front of her chest as she brushed up against me to bury her head in my neck.  Her breath teased at my loose hair and I worked to suppress my memories of my dream. 

 

“Especially when the payoff is this sexy,” she whispered in my ear.

 

Hell.  Who knew Ye Eun was so good at talking hot like that?  I could feel a light brush spread across my cheeks when I heard the door to the lounge click open. 

 

The two of us instantly sprung apart at the sound of someone entering and looked up to see Sun Ye staring at us with an unreadable expression on her face. 

 

I glanced cautiously at her to gauge how she was dealing.  She didn’t seem too outwardly angry, but I could see her eyes dart quickly to my hand that was still clasped with Ye Eun’s.  Her face betrayed none of her emotions, but I knew her better than that.  The weary twitch of her eyes showed that she was definitely more upset about this than she was letting show on the surface.  I hastily pulled my hand away from Ye Eun’s. 

 

“Joe said that you two should come down to the editing booth in the basement to help with the review of the final mix of the single,” Sun Ye said slowly.  “And you might want to be more careful about public displays of affection.  Someone might walk into the room and see.”

 

Sun Ye turned and started to head toward the door.  Ye Eun stepped forward to follow her friend. 

 

“Sun Ye… I’m really sorry abou-“

 

“No you listen,” Sun Ye snapped back.  “I might not have the right to stop you two from doing… whatever you’ve been doing together these past two days, but that doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it.  And it certainly doesn’t mean that I have to be anything more than barely civil with you, Miss Park.”

 

Her voice cut me to my core.  If it hurt me that much to hear her yell that way I could only imagine how much it pained Ye Eun.  I glanced over to her and saw Ye Eun standing in stunned silence.  Sun Ye sent one last glare at her former best friend and then continued out the door into the hallway. 

 

“Hey… Are you okay?” I asked Ye Eun cautiously. 

 

She nodded slowly and walked through the door as I held it open for her. 

 

“I said that I was going to accept whatever she threw at me,” she said sadly.  “It’ll all be worth it in the end, right?”

 

 ===========

 

 

“So I’ve been mixing the track together and I think the song needs to tie together at the end.  Both Yubin and Sun Ye should be singing together, preferably the second verse from Sun Ye,” my producer explained.

 

Sun Ye, Ye Eun and I leaned in towards the mix station and listened to the complete version of the song so far.  It was perfect.  This was why Def Jam had paired me with this producer to make my comeback release.  He had created just the right blend of my powerful raps and Sun Ye’s penetrating R&B vocals.  Yet the ending of the song was slightly off.  He was definitely right about needing our parts to come together.  I took a sideways glance over at Sun Ye and saw her shuffling uncomfortably away from Ye Eun.  She didn’t look too happy to be here with her. 

 

“Yeah, you are totally right,” I agreed with the producer.  “So I guess we need to re-record the ending then?”

 

The producer nodded and looked over the sheet music quietly for a few seconds before turning towards Ye Eun.

 

“So Miss Composer, do you think you can re-arrange the ending for both of them?”

 

Ye Eun looked over at her silent ex-friend.  This was obviously going to be a very awkward re-do on this song.  She stepped forward and picked up the sheet music out of the producer’s hands and walked to the keyboard in the corner of the room.  With a confident smile over to us she sat down and hit record on the device.

 

“Give me five minutes and you will have your rewritten ending.  Then you will just need to take the beats from the rest of the song and stretch them over this segment.  Pay close attention Mr. Producer so you can pick out your favorite one.”

 

She wasn’t kidding.  Her fingers started to fly across the keyboard as she instinctively switched up the classical melody from the backing track.  Every now and then she would restart and freestyle it a different way as another possible variation.  If I was awed over her singing a few days ago, that was nothing to what I felt now as she sat in front of the keyboard. 

 

“You look impressed,” I heard Sun Ye whisper in Korean at my side.

 

“Don’t be that way,” I said quietly back.  “She’s grown so much, just like you have.  Don’t be petty about it.  We have to work together, all three of us, to make this song work.”

 

Sun Ye looked at me sadly and I could feel my heart almost break. 

 

“I know Yubin.  I’ll be able to sing this song professionally when our turn comes, though I hope you understand why I’m not… jumping with joy today.  Even you aren’t that dense.”

 

Ouch.  Although I probably deserved that for all Ye Eun and I had put her through the past few days. 

 

“Stop!”  The producer called out to Ye Eun, breaking the awkward atmosphere in the room.  “That last one you did.  That’s the one we need.”

 

Ye Eun turned off the keyboard and stood up gracefully. 

 

“Yeah, that one was pretty nice.”

 

“Now we just need to get Yubin and Sun Ye to re-record their segments with the new pacing and everything.  We can use the recording studio here, so let’s get this done,” the producer instructed to us. 

 

I nodded and gave a cautious look over to Sun Ye.  She gave the slightest of motion of her head and then walked off to the recording booth door and disappeared behind it.  Ye Eun gave me a sad look.  It was impressive how upbeat Ye Eun was managing to be when her best friend obviously wanted nothing to do with her.  I reached out and squeezed her hand comfortingly as I headed into the recording booth after Sun Ye.  She was already set to record with her headphones on, fidgeting with the recording microphone hanging in the middle of the room.  I picked up my own set of headphones and fitted them on my head.  Time to work a little of my magic to get this recording to go off without a hitch.

 

“So I hear that the best way to make a successful song is to become the person you are singing as,” I said with a grin.  “Ready to become a girl in love?”

 

Sun Ye’s sad eyes stared back at me and I wanted to smack myself for being so insensitive.  One day I would learn to think before I talked.  She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. 

 

“I guess I’m one step ahead of you,” she said quietly.

 

Ouch.  Yeah, I was totally tactless.  No time to wallow in my guilt though.  I had to get this recording done.  My eyes fluttered shut just like Sun Ye’s and I let my mind drift back to the way I felt last time we had recorded; I was Sun Ye from all those years ago.  The new keyboard recording of the ending melody queued up in the headphones and I let myself fall into the rhythm. 

 

“So I ache-“

 

“So I ache,” Sun Ye cut in, creating our vocal combo.

 

“It’s more than I can take-“

 

It was just as perfect as last time we had recorded this song.  The second we closed our eyes and sang together… it was like everything just fell back into place.  This was something, a dynamic, which only Sun Ye and I had.  Singing with Ye Eun on the streets of New York City paled in comparison. 

 

“It only gets even worse~”

 

“When I sleep-“

 

“When I awake-”

 

“Perfect!” the producers voice rang in my ears. 

 

His voice startled me out of my imaginary frame of mind.  My eyes blinked open and I saw Sun Ye look just as confused across from me.  Her breath was coming out ragged from the power she had put into her vocals.  She glanced over at me and I could feel my heart skip at the sight. 

 

I had to get out of here.

 

 ==========

 

 

I walked briskly through the hallway towards the Def Jam artist lounge.  The second the producer had given the okay on the recording I had ducked out of the basement saying that I needed a quick break. 

 

Five floors didn’t feel like nearly enough space to put in between Sun Ye and me.  I couldn’t wait to go home and at least gain a few miles more distance.  For now the best I could do was this lounge.  I threw open the door and stormed into the room.  Thank goodness the room was empty.

 

“Why is my life so complicated!?” I yelled into my hands. 

 

The door slammed behind me and I twirled around to see who had followed me into my sanctuary.

 

Sun Ye.  Of course.

 

We stood there quietly staring at each other.  God, could this day get any more awkward?  There was so much to be said.  It was just a matter of who was going to crack and let the words pour out first. 

 

“Sun Ye, I-“

 

“I love you Yubin!”

 

I stood there quietly as I watched Sun Ye tremble in front of me.  Now wasn’t the time for me to interrupt.  She deserved to say her piece to me right now. 

 

“But you already knew that,” Sun Ye said slowly.  “You knew that all along.  So why did you do this… whatever-it-is with Ye Eun?  With my best friend?”

 

She stood there patiently, staring at me as she waited for my answer.  Her eyes shimmered in the faint light of the employee lounge and I could tell she was about to burst into tears.  I had to tread carefully… which was hard because I had no idea what I was doing.

 

“I don’t know,” I answered truthfully.

 

“Typical Yubin answer,” Sun Ye said with a scoff as she wiped her eyes with her palm.  “You never think about these things.  You just let your heart lead, consequences be damned.”

 

“And what is so wrong with that!?  Maybe you just think too much!  Sometimes you just have to lead with your heart!”  I snapped back at her.

 

Sun Ye stared back at me, her eyes intense.  My words had obviously struck a chord with her and I swallowed nervously at what the results might be from that.  She slowly walked towards me.  Instinctively I backed up until I could feel myself bump into the wall of the lounge.  I knew that look and this situation.  Sun Ye continued to walk towards me until she was right up against me.  I could feel my heart speed up at her close presence.  She leaned in so her lips were lightly grazing mine.

 

“Then I’ll lead with my heart…”

 

Her lips hit mine and I could feel all the pressure that had been building up in my chest from today, from the past several weeks, all disappear at once.  As her lips crashed into mine so did the realization that this was all I ever wanted.  All those other girls, Ye Eun, were just me running away again.  There could never be a replacement for Sun Ye. 

 

She leaned me further back against the wall and my fingers tangled themselves up in her short hair, pulling her closer to me.  Her hands slid up under my shirt slightly and twirled on the skin they found there.  The motions of her fingers just made me moan lightly into her mouth and deepen the kiss even more. Was there a reason why I had been avoiding this with her?  For some reason my mind was drawing a complete blank; everything was just a foggy mess.  Sun Ye pulled back slightly and kissed her way down my jaw, giving us both some time to catch our breath.

 

“I guess you were right about leading with your heart,” she whispered.

 

“You are thinking again.  Just shut up and kiss me,” I commanded her as I pulled her face toward mine again. 

 

I could feel her smile into our kiss.  My mind turned itself off as I let our emotions lead the way.  We hadn’t done this in far too long.  Years of longing were obviously coming out to the surface from the both of us.  It had been 3 years of replacements and denial. 

 

“It’s about time!”

 

Sun Ye and I snapped apart quickly and turned to the source of the new voice in the lounge.  Ye Eun just stood there with her arms crossed grinning at us.  My first instinct was to apologize to my sort-of-girlfriend, but I didn’t feel the slightest bit guilty about being caught with Sun Ye.  And Ye Eun didn’t seem the slightest bit upset.  Which was suspicious…

 

“That doesn’t seem like an entirely appropriate response considering what you just walked in on,” I said slowly.

 

“Of course it is appropriate.  Especially given what I had to go through to get this to happen.”

 

Sun Ye’s jaw dropped and she glared at her grinning friend.  My new ex?  God this was confusing. 

 

“Well someone had to do something!  I had this girl here calling me at all hours of the night!  I mean, did I mention that she was calling me at 3AM?!  Cause she was!  I just figured that if I ever wanted a full night of rest again this would be an effective way of—OOOFH-“

 

I couldn’t help but snicker as Sun Ye punched Ye Eun right in the stomach. 

 

“I can’t believe you would do that to me!  You didn’t think that it was worth a mention to me what you were planning?  For the past few days I have been cursing your name and cutting up pictures of the two of us!”

 

“Well it wouldn’t have worked quite as well if you knew what was going on,” Ye Eun said weakly as she held her abdomen.  “There is a reason why you are a singer and not an actress.  Anyway I did it for you.  You are my best friend Sun Ye, I couldn’t just sit there in Korea when you were in so much pain here.  I tried to be supportive and talk to you, but it didn’t seem to do much.  So I decided to act.  From listening to you it seemed like you were pushing Yubin enough to snap, but not crack.  I figured you needed that one last incentive to get you to actually DO something.”

 

“So you thought that the best way to do that would be to fly in here and steal Yubin away from me?”

 

“Um I’m right here-“

 

“Yeah nice and dramatic huh?” Ye Eun interrupted me.  “I said you weren’t an actress, but I think I pulled off my part perfectly.  Seriously, I should be in a drama with Sun Mi sometime.  I’ll totally show her up.”

 

“Yeah I’ll call her and let her know to hide So Hee from you first,” Sun Ye bitterly said back.

 

“Um I think we are all overlooking the fact that I am the real victim here,” Ye Eun whined.  “I’m gonna get at LEAST three hail Marys in church next Sunday for the stuff that this horn-dog here made me do with her.”

 

Sun Ye shot a quick glare my way and I could feel all that stress seeping back into my chest. 

 

“Great.  Thanks Ye Eun,” I said sarcastically. 

 

“Hey your stubbornness is the reason I’m here in the first place,” she shot back at me. 

 

I rolled my eyes and took a step back from the two pissy girls.  Perhaps I shouldn’t have gotten involved in this in the first place.  It was best to just let them work their thing out.  Ye Eun turned back to Sun Ye and gently put her hands on her best friend’s shoulders.

 

“Sun Ye.  I honestly had no intention of stealing your girlfriend.  I’m the straight one remember?  I’m actually kind of upset that so many people thought that I switched teams so easily… but anyway, Yubin is obviously all your yours.”

 

Ye Eun was right.  It was because of her that I could see that clearly now.  I wouldn’t be able to run off with random girls anymore.  Sun Ye was the only one that everything felt… right with when I was touching her.  Guess I was a one-girl woman after all. 

 

“Thanks Ye Eun,” Sun Ye said with a small smile.  “For your twisted idea of help.”

 

Her best friend grinned back at her happily.

 

“Not a problem!  Now, I hate to be a downer, but I really must be going home to Korea.  The re-recording is all done and they already have my flight booked for tonight.  I’m going to gather my stuff up and then head out to the airport.  You two better be fine together now.  I really would hate it if I got woken up by another 3AM phone call and had to fly out here again.”

 

Sun Ye smiled back at Ye Eun before giving her a big hug. 

 

“We’ll manage like we always have, Ye Eun.”

 

“You’ll understand if I’m not exactly comforted by that statement,” Ye Eun said with a chuckle. 

 

Ye Eun hugged her best friend for a few moments longer and then headed to the door.  She smiled back at the two of us. 

 

“It really was great seeing the two of you again, even if it was totally awkward in parts.  I’m going to go get my stuff now from the studio, so feel free to continue making out or whatever you two were doing before I came in here.”

 

She waved one last time before disappearing down the hallway.  Sun Ye watched her leave and stood there silently.  I dropped my eyes to the floor and let the awkward silence wash over me.

 

Wish I had a magazine to hide behind right now.

 

 ==========

 

 

 _To:[snow_white_funk@defjam.com](mailto:snow_white_funk@defjam.com)_

 _From:[first_snow@interscope.com](mailto:first_snow@interscope.com)_

 _Re:  What are Friends For?_

 _~Yubin_

 _I just don’t even know where to begin.  For the last few days my life has been terrible, mostly just me crying and moping around while trying to do meetings for my debut.  It was really hard to maintain a professional face when all I wanted to do was run off to Brazil or someplace far away from both you and Ye Eun.  It was so hard to focus._

 _Now I’m finding it difficult to focus for a whole new reason._

 _I finally won.  Okay, well maybe not won.  That makes you sound like some carnival doll that I stole away from Ye Eun or something.  It’s just kind of hard to believe that you finally caved in on the notion of ‘us.’  Standing there in that lounge at Def Jam kissing you… It was a dream come true.  Literally.  I fantasized about taking you in my arms and pushing you against that lounge wall so many times.  I just never had the courage to actually try it.  You were right.  I thought too much over everything, analyzing every move that I made and how you reacted.  It was all too much.  The second I just did what I felt… everything fell into place._

 _Is it really that simple?  Are you mine now?  After Ye Eun left that room we just stood there awkwardly.  I guess it would have been even more odd to just start where we had left off like Ye Eun had suggested.  It might have been good to at least talk about what had just happened between us though instead of just standing there silently until I had to leave to take Ye Eun to the airport.  I don’t doubt your actions though.  Your insistent touch and pleading voice told me that you were done holding back from me clear enough._

 _So where does that leave us now?  Are we girlfriends again?  It’s so tough to tell when we have so much left unsaid between us.  Well at least I’m really looking forward to work tomorrow to see what will happen.  I realize that we are going to be really busy with a few more recordings and promotions for the new album coming up._

 _I’m feeling a lot more positive now though.  I’m confident everything will work out fine._

 _your loving… um… girlfriend?  Yeah.  Girlfriend,_

 _~Sun Ye_

 _ps.  I talked to Ye Eun in the cab on the way to the airport.  She totally wrote the melody for that song knowing that you wouldn’t be able to match your voice to it.  She set us up from square one._

 

 


	6. Chapter 6:  Re: First Snow: Part II

I glanced at the clock as I poured some tea into a mug.  6:15AM.  It was just about time for her to arrive.  A smile tugged at my lips as I heard the door to my apartment open and close.  There was a clatter of shoes coming off feet as my visitor stormed through the entranceway into the living room.

 

“That lady at Bruegger’s shorted me on coffee again.  I don’t know what planet she is from, but I said ‘fill her up.’  That clearly implies to the brim, not 2/3rds of the way.”

 

My smile spread across my whole face at this.  Sun Ye was a force to be reckoned with in the morning if she wasn’t properly caffeinated.  I grabbed the piping hot coffee pot out of its stand and poured a second mug with the hot liquid.  Funny how Sun Ye and I had only been… dating… for a few weeks again and suddenly I had a coffee maker in my apartment.  I don’t even remember when I bought it.  It seemed to have reappeared in my life just as suddenly as Sun Ye had.  With a flick of my wrist I slid the coffee pot back into its holder and then brought the drinks out to the living room couch.  I sat down in my usual seat on the couch. 

 

Dating?  Were we dating?  The odd thing was that Sun Ye and I had never really talked about what had happened right before Ye Eun left.  Everything had been kinda hectic since then.  She had been rushed into meetings for the past few weeks to prepare for her debut and how they were going to handle her appearance.  The label had decided to keep her face hidden and had only shown her in silhouette in my music video for my song.  Plus she wasn’t the only busy one; I had been in the studio constantly to finish up the recording on the last couple of songs for my album.  It really hadn’t left much time for us to talk about things.  I wasn’t even sure why Sun Ye still hung around me when she had the chance.  I had a nagging feeling that she might have requested to stay on as my understudy for as long as possible, despite the fact that she was about to debut now.  Besides, I was in no position to complain about this.

 

Sun Ye scooted closer to me on the couch and leaned back against my arm so she could see the television better while she ate her bagel.  My cheeks flushed lightly at her casual contact, but I didn’t flinch away like I did when she first came back into my life. This was all we did, just little touches.  After our frenzied make out session in the Def Jam lounge we had kept our hands, and lips, to ourselves.

 

That was good.  Originally I had been a little put off when she started showing up every morning at 6:15AM with bagels in one hand and coffee in the other.  I had my routine and she had broken it.  Yet I couldn't really stay mad at Sun Ye for her wanting to see me for the select bit of time that we could both afford each day.  Plus her own punctuality ensured that my morning pattern wasn't entirely shattered to pieces and instead had formed a nice new routine.

 

Yes.  Our new routine: wake up, bagel, tea & coffee, music television show, not talk about our relationship.  Hey, if it’s not broken then don’t fix it.

 

“Today all the hottest stars in music will be heading to the Radio City Music Hall in New York City to attend this year’s American Music Awards,” the MTV announced excitedly on the television.  “They have announced performances from many fan favorites such as Beyonce, Madonna, Lady Gaga, Justin Timberlake, and Kanye West.  Also announced is a live by rapper Yubin.  She has recently been tearing up the radio charts with her number one new song “SHOCK” which is sung with a mysterious singer credited only as Sun.  No word on a joint performance has been released, but I’m sure all of us are dying to see a live with the sexy Yubin and her super-secret partner.”

 

Sun Ye’s elbow nudged me lightly in my side. 

 

“Ooo!  They called me your partner!”

 

“Don’t let it go to your head,” I said sarcastically.  “It was in the terms of our musical collaboration.”

 

Sun Ye lifted herself off me slightly and turned to look at me. 

 

“But I am your partner right?  In the not musical collaboration sense?”

 

Huh.  I definitely thought that not talking about this sort of thing was part of our routine.  What happened to that plan?  I liked that one. 

 

“Um you know… It’s complicated and I thought we weren’t talking about it.”

 

She arched her eyebrow in that pseudo-pissed off way of hers.  Okay obviously we were going to talk about it now. 

 

“I was just giving you space to adjust because I thought that was what you wanted,” Sun Ye said pointedly.  “We are mostly certainly going to talk about this and now is as good a time as any.  Don’t you get it?  We need to talk Yubin if we are going to make this work.”

 

“We do talk…” I mumbled like a petulant child.

 

Sun Ye reached up and cradled my cheek with her hand.  I could feel my cheeks warm up again at her touch.  She smiled back at me lightly and stroked my skin with her thumb.

 

“Yubin, we need to talk fully and openly.  Stop being so withdrawn.  You are acting like I did three years ago.  I recognize that I was wrong back them and you should recognize that you are wrong now.”

 

Her words hit me hard.  My ego screamed that I should be angry with her for her remark, but the rational part of my mind noted that she was completely right.  I mean, I had already accepted that I was going to give myself to this woman again.  If I was going to do that then I would have to go all in, just like last time. 

 

I nodded slightly in her hand.  She just smiled at me in response.

 

“So are we together then?  In the girlfriend-y sense of the word?”

 

“Of course we are,” I whispered in my husky voice. 

 

Sun Ye’s eyes lit up and I could feel my heart melt in my chest.  If just being with me made her that happy… who was I to deny her of that?  It was pointless to fight against the draw that Sun Ye and I had with each other; our undeniable chemistry. 

 

She tilted her head and pulled me closer to her.  My breath hitched as I realized we were going to have our first kiss as a couple.  Again. 

 

BZZT BZZT BZZT BZZT

 

I sighed as I reached out for my annoying cell phone.  Sun Ye just turned back to the television disappointedly knowing that our moment was ruined.  My eyes glared angrily at the caller ID that told me that Joe was to blame for that.  I flicked my phone open with a frustrated sigh.

 

“This better be the most important bit of news in the world Joe.”

 

“Ouch.  Someone has a case of the Mondays,” his voice rang in my ear.  “And this news is pretty important.  I wanted to let you know that I won’t be able to accompany you to the awards tonight.  Something came up and I have to dash.”

 

“Wait.  What!?  Joe, we have gone to every one of these painful, elitist lives together since I debuted here.”

 

“Yubin I’ve always said that we should be totally honest with each other and in the interest of full disclosure, I must inform you that I am ditching your girly ass to go on a hot date.”

 

Seriously?!  My manager was leaving me alone at the biggest awards show of the season to go after some guy.  Fantastic.

 

“Look, you have to take someone to fill up the seat,” Joe instructed.  “Why don’t you take your adorable understudy?  She really does deserve to be there too, even if the rest of the world doesn’t know that yet.”

 

“But Joe-“

 

“No buts Yubin!  Seriously, I don’t know what your issue is with that girl, but I think you need to get over yourself and just try and get along with her.”

 

Funny how Sun Ye had said something eerily similar to that to me just a few minutes ago… 

 

“Okay fine.  But you owe me for this.  I don’t know what yet, but you’ll have to pay up when the time comes,” I informed Joe angrily. 

 

“I’m quaking in my Prada shoes.  I’ll be sure to think about your misplaced rage when I am out with that hottie Tim from the coffee bar.  Good luck tonight!”

 

The phone clicked in my ear as Joe hung up suddenly on me.  This guy he was ditching me for better be hot.  I slowly turned around to face Sun Ye and she stared at me questioningly. 

 

“You got any really swanky dresses?” I asked slowly.

 

“Um yeah of course I do.  Why?”

 

“Let’s just say that I am taking you out on our first date since getting back together.  It’s probably gonna be a doozy.”

 

 ==========

 

 

“Argh what is taking her so long?!”  I complained loudly from the back seat of the limo.

 

I slid closer to the window facing Sun Ye’s apartment building so I could see her the second she walked toward the vehicle.  Last time I had asked the driver he had said that it was 5PM.  That gave us just one hour until the red carpet walk into the awards show, but traffic to the downtown theater was sure to be killer with such a huge event going on in the city.  It had already taken us forty-five minutes to get to Sun Ye’s place from mine.  I hadn’t realized just how far away from me she lived. 

 

My hands fidgeted with my fancy clothing for the night.  I had been instructed to wear my usual urban style for the awards, but I hated when Def Jam dictated to me like that.  Having a street image was fine, but I wanted to dress up nice once and a while too.  The other stars got to do it and so would I.  I hadn’t gone with a dress, but I had worn my nicest pair of low cut, black, dress pants and a tight fitting black button-up that showed off my figure, and just enough of my abs, nicely.  No baggy hoodies for me tonight.  Although I had caved slightly to my gangster image by sporting a rhinestone-encrusted belt, sparkling necklaces, and a stylish fedora.  I thought I looked pretty fantastic, but that really didn’t matter.  I wanted to hear Sun Ye say that I looked nice.  Hearing the words from her would make disobeying my company’s instructions all worthwhile. 

 

I jumped slightly as the limo driver honked the horn.  With a glance out the window I realized that he was doing it to signal to Sun Ye, who was walking quickly down the front walkway.  I opened the door to the limo and rushed out of the car to try and guide her to the backseat. 

 

That was a bad plan.  The second I didn’t have the tinted limo glass in between us I realized just how gorgeous she was.  She had on a slinky dark blue dress held up by a few wispy strands of fabric.  It curved to fit her body like a glove and my eyes couldn’t help but trail up the creamy expanse of thigh that was revealed by the slit up the side. 

 

Unfortunately, while my eyes were moving all over the place my feet had decided to stop functioning entirely, which brought me crashing towards the ground.  I heard the quick click of heels and felt Sun Ye’s arms wrap around me in her quick catch to keep me from falling over.  A blush raced to my face as she straightened me upright, her face intense with worry.

 

“Are you drunk already?” she asked as she leaned in to inspect me. 

 

“No I’m not drunk!”  I said with a blush.  “I was trying to get out of the car to help you inside, but I kinda… tripped.  Um… you look good tonight.”

 

Sun Ye trailed her steadying hands from my shoulders down to my hands and gave me one of her bright, beaming smiles.  Man, we had only been officially together for a bit, but it was all too easy to fall back into our old relationship. 

 

“You don’t look half bad yourself Yubin.  I’m going to be the envy of all the boys there when I walk in on your arm.”

 

Yeah.  Hearing her say that was as excellent as I thought it would be.  I opened the door to the limo and held her hand as she slid into the backseat.  She shuffled over and made room for me to sit next to her.  I leaned forward and tapped on the glass with my knuckles so he would know to drive on to the venue. 

 

“So why do you have to live so far away?” I asked in a faux annoyed voice.  “It took us forty-five minutes to get here.  Can’t you live closer?”

 

“Oh now you want me nearby all the time?  Maybe this will make you appreciate that I show up at your apartment every morning, traveling great distances just to see you!”  Sun Ye replied dramatically.

 

Huh.  I hadn’t even thought of it from that perspective.  To make it my place by 6:15 every morning she must leave her apartment by 5:30AM. 

 

“So I guess you must really like me then,” I said softly.

 

Sun Ye scooted closer to me on the limo seat and tapped my forehead lightly with her finger.  I frowned slightly back at her for her bizarre action.

 

“I’ve been telling you that for months now.  But it just didn’t seem to make it through up here.”

 

She leaned in towards my neck and stopped right when her lips grazed my ear.  Her breath tickled my skin and it was taunting me.

 

“Hello?” she whispered in my ear.  “Is anyone home in there?”

 

“Yeah there is someone home in there and you are driving her crazy,” I growled back. 

 

I withdrew my head just enough to face her and pressed my lips hungrily against hers.  She pushed back with equal fervor and I could feel the tip of her tongue trace my lips.  I welcomed her exploration and met it with my own tongue.  It had been forever since we had really kissed like this.  Far too long.  Now that I had let down all my barriers everything really was just falling back into place.  There was no denying the natural chemistry that Sun Ye and I shared. 

 

She pulled back slowly and we took the chance to catch our breath. 

 

“Um should we really be doing this in the limo?  What if someone sees?”

 

“The windows are tinted and the driver can’t hear or see a thing through the divider,” I countered as I moved in towards her again.

 

Sun Ye put her hand up in between us and stopped my face with her palm.  Urgh.  She always ruined all my fun.  Guess that part of our old chemistry had come back as well.

 

“If we mess up our hair and makeup we are just going to be even later leaving the limo for the awards.  You were the one complaining about us being punctual earlier.”

 

I pushed Sun Ye’s hand up and out of the way.  Makeup and hair be damned.  Nothing was going to keep me from the sexy goddess sitting next to me. 

 

“We can be fashionably late,” I commanded as I backed her down onto the seat.

 

 

 ==========

 

Sun Ye ran her fingers through my hair to try and sort out the tangles from our back seat fun while I hurried to reapply her lipstick. 

 

“See I told you we were going to be late because of this!” Sun Ye complained loudly.  “Everyone is going to think we are really weird for just waiting in the limo for a few minutes before walking the carpet.”

 

“Whatever.  They can deal with it.  We make a bigger impact that way anyhow.  Now we are supposed to keep your identity a secret right?  For your debut?”

 

She nodded at me as she fit my fedora back on my head as the finishing touch.

 

“Yeah, I’m just some mysterious friend that you brought with you.  Try not to say my name.”

 

“Not a problem,” I grinned back as I slid closer toward the exiting door.  “I’ll just talk to you privately in Korean for the rest of the night.  They’ll never be able to pick your name out of that.”

 

I rapped lightly on the window with my knuckles to let the driver know that we were ready to get out.  He opened the door and bowed me out of the limo.  I stepped out lightly, careful to not repeat my exit from earlier with Sun Ye.  As soon as I was out of the vehicle the camera lenses started flashing and I could hear the barrage of reporter’s questions. 

 

“Yubin!  You have managed to make quite the late appearance.  Any reason for the delay?”

 

“Is it true that you will be singing your new hot single “SHOCK” for us tonight?”

 

“Will you be performing with the mysterious Sun?”

 

Wow.  It was going to be particularly hard to play off the innocent friend angle when all these reporters wanted to know was who Sun Ye was.  I turned around and held my hand out to steady Sun Ye as she left the limo.  She gracefully put her hand in mine and slinked out of the vehicle with more grace than I could even hope to attain.  God, she was such a natural at this. 

 

The second her feet were on the carpet the crowd pressed even closer against the boundaries holding them back.  All I could hear was a mixed jumble of questions and the clicks from a sea of cameras.  A woman in a stylish black dress with a microphone walked up to us gingerly as we waved and posed for the photographers.  She stopped in front of us and waved the cameraman over.

 

“Hello!  I’m Jessie from MTV.  We are excited to see you here tonight Yubin!  I must say that a lot of your fans were worried that you weren’t going to make it tonight.”

 

“Sorry to cause concern.  I would never abandon my fans like that, there was just a lot of traffic getting here.” I explained politely.

 

The MTV interviewer seemed rather uninterested in my answer and was busy looking Sun Ye up and down instead.  If she were a guy I would have considered decking her for the way she was staring at my girlfriend. 

 

“So all of the viewers in the country are probably interested in who you brought as your guest tonight!  For years you have made every red carpet appearance with your manager.  This is the first time you have come with a woman.  Could this be the mysterious Sun from your number one single?”

 

“This is a friend of mine, I decided to show her a good time while she was in The City,” I answered vaguely as I started to walk away from the reporter.

 

I held my arm out playfully for Sun Ye as we walked down the carpet.  Sun Ye beamed me a perfect smile as she took it in an exaggerated fashion and walked with me. 

 

“Nice meeting you Jessie!” she called out happily over her shoulder.

 

I chuckled lightly as I tugged her attention back to the entranceway to the awards venue. 

 

“And here I was trying to keep the focus away from you.  You didn’t always used to be such an attention whore,” I teased her lightly in Korean.

 

“And you didn’t used to be so controlling of publicity opportunities.  Guess we all can change.”

 

She smiled playfully at me and hurried me up towards the doors.  She was obviously excited to be at her first American awards show.  It was absolutely precious how cute and childlike she was being.  There were no traces of the sadness that had plagued her a few weeks ago.  I shook my head lightly to rid it of such negative thoughts.  Everything was going to be wonderful tonight.  This was our first night out since getting back together.  I wanted it to be perfect for Sun Ye, even if we couldn’t be openly affectionate.

 

The element of secrecy just heightened the excitement.

 

 ==========

 

 

“Up next is an exciting new performance by Beyonce of her new hit song ‘Car Audio!’  Give it up for Beyonce!” 

 

The announcer skipped quickly off the stage while Beyonce walked out and began her dance routine.  Back up dancers flooded the stage as bright lights reflected off the mirrors placed around the area.  It was a flashy performance that was sure to be plastered all over the internet by the night’s end.  I glanced at my side and saw that Sun Ye was just as entranced as the rest of the audience.  She always was a Beyonce fan.

 

“I hope you look at me just as intensely when I go up on stage,” I whispered lightly into her ear. 

 

She blushed a little as my proximity caught her by surprise. 

 

“Jealous much?” she teased back in Korean.  “Really shouldn’t _I_ be jealous of _you_ for sleeping with that woman up there?”

 

Oh.  Right.  She was probably still upset about that.  I nudged my hand lightly over hers and squeezed it comfortingly. 

 

“You know, I have never slept with Beyonce.  You jumped to conclusions there and I never bothered to correct you.”

 

A relieved look appeared in Sun Ye’s eyes.  Maybe I should have cleared up that matter earlier if it gave her such peace of mind.

 

“It’s sort of like how you never slept with Jessica.  You just said that to upset me right?”

 

The relieved look in her eyes twinkled and changed to a devilish one.  Uh oh.

 

“Nice try Yubin, but a girl has to have some secrets.  Otherwise it wouldn’t be interesting anymore.”

 

I pouted lightly.  She was gonna keep me guessing until the end on that was she?  Well I was persistent.  I would get the truth out of her eventually.  She squeezed my hand on the armrest, turning the tables of comfort around.  Like I would accept that apology.  I mockingly turned my nose up at her and pulled the brim of my hat down so she couldn’t see my face.  Sun Ye just chuckled at my petulance and turned her attention back to Beyonce’s performance.

 

She wasn’t really paying attention to the woman on stage anymore though.  I watched her from my hiding spot under my fedora.  Her eyes darted from the stage to our clasped hands and me.  The smile on her face was radiant.  Eat that Beyonce.  You could never make this gorgeous woman smile like I could. 

 

This whole night had been fantastic so far.  Usually Joe and I came to these things together and were bored for a majority of the night.  It was filled with polite elbow rubbing with the big names in the business and then a ton of pointless after parties that we never bothered to attend.  Most of the time we sat in the audience and pointed out some of the vocal flaws the performers had, despite being such big names in America.  None of them could match the training experience that I had been given.  With Sun Ye by my side the whole ordeal seemed so much brighter, possibly because the setting seemed to fade out of my vision and mind entirely.  All there was right now was me, her, and our intertwined hands. 

 

That was it.  There was no way I could just shut Sun Ye out again.  We obviously made each other far too happy for that.  It was going to be a lot harder to keep this all a secret in America.  At the very least I was going to have to tell Joe about this sometime soon, as per our ‘full disclosure’ agreement.  I was gonna make him wait a bit though.  After all, he had ditched me tonight.  Sure, it had all ended up better than it possibly could have with him at my side, but I still wanted to make him sweat a little.

 

On stage Beyonce finished up her number, ending the song on top of a pile of her half naked back up dancers.  Were my acts that classless when I did them?  I suddenly felt really self-conscious about the content of my lives.  After all, I would be doing them in front of Sun Ye now.  Speaking of…

 

“Hey,” I whispered into Sun Ye’s ear as she clapped for Beyonce.  “I’m going on in a few songs.  I have to go backstage to prep.  Don’t get too lonely without me.  And don’t ogle the other girls.”

 

Sun Ye rolled her eyes at me and shooed me off to get ready.  I grinned back at her as I made my way to the security at the side of the stage.  My new song was perfect. 

 

I would make sure she only had eyes for me. 

 

 =========

 

“And as one of the last performances of the night we have a special song from Yubin!  I know you were all hoping for a live of her number one single “SHOCK,” but we have something even better for you here tonight.  She is going to debut a new R&B track from her new album that drops tomorrow in stores!  Give it up for Yubin!!”

 

 

I had never done a straight up R&B track before, I was only known for my rapping so that was what I had focused on in the past.  This song was special though.  I had written it after the night I had ditched Sun Ye at the pizza parlor, after our first recording.  The producer had liked the sound of it so much that he had agreed to put it on the album despite the fact that it worked against my projected image.  This was a special song, one that Sun Ye hadn’t heard yet since she was busy with her debut during the recording.  She would be just as shocked as the rest of the audience. 

 

 _“In the middle of the night_

 _I wake up_

 _Wondering why you're not by my side_

 _When did time fly by us_

 _When did it leave us torn and broken_

 _Oh oh baby_

 _You were the only one I trust_

 _The only one I wanted every moment_

 _The brief times that we had together_

 _Is now in the past_

 _And I'm left shattered_

 _Cos we both know_

 _That it will never work out_

 _We took it slow_

 _But in the end it was all in vain_

 _you said that'll you'll stay strong_

 _We'll pull through together_

 _But baby you were so so wrong_

 _Oh oh_

 _You were so so wrong”_

 

The music swelled up around me and I prepared myself for the burst of light that I knew would follow.  The second the chorus section started all the spotlights converged on me and an explosion of glittery snow fell from the ceiling.  The lights ricocheted off the snow and traced every corner of the performance hall.  It wasn’t as good as the real thing, but I hoped Sun Ye would appreciate our new first snow. 

 

 _“So why are you here tonight_

 _Outside of my door_

 _Turning up in every corner_

 _When you know who my heart is aching for_

 _Don't you know how hard it has been_

 _All these years trying to forget you_

 _Then you show up with your regrets”_

 

I could hear my voice reflecting off the sides of the auditorium.  Their voices couldn’t break into my personal sphere on stage, but everyone in the audience had to have been whispering about the power in my song.  I had never sung quite like this before, I bet they didn’t know I had it in me.  I arched into the microphone and tried to pour every ounce of myself into the song.

 

 _“I try to run_

 _Try to hide_

 _Try to not have my heart broken again_

 _I try denying_

 _Try to fight it_

 _To not let my heart rule over my head_

 _But when you're right in front of me_

 _All I see_

 _Is the love we had, what we used to be_

 _Through all the pain you put me through_

 _Now you say you want to be with me?_

 _It ain't fair on me”_

 

I grasped at some of the snow that was glittering down from the sky and held it up to my heart.  Sun Ye had always been there, no matter how hard I tried to deny it.  This was my chance to tell that to the world without them even knowing.

 

 _“So why are you here tonight_

 _Outside of my door_

 _Turning up in every corner_

 _When you know who my heart is aching for_

 _Don't you know how hard it has been_

 _All these years trying to forget you_

 _Then you show up with your regrets”_

 

My breath rushed out of my chest as I hit the final part of my song.  It was my last chance to pour as much of my emotion as possible into my singing.  At this point the audience didn’t even matter. 

 

 _“It aint fair_

  
_Every letter_

 _Every contact_

 _That I've rejected_

 _Just to put you out of my mind_

 _To put everything behind us_

 _But why am I_

 _Still wanting to be with you_

 _You make it hard on me_

 _You make it so so hard”_

 

I straightened up and ran my hand through the falling snow once again.  My eyes grazed out over the audience, catching their stunned faces as they rushed to their feet to applaud.  They weren’t important.  I let my gaze travel over to the right side of the auditorium where I knew she was seated.  Sun Ye was there with tears staining her perfect makeup.  She had heard every word of the song. 

 

Eat your heart out Beyonce.  I have just owned you in potential youtube views and secured the woman I love all in one song. 

 

 =========

 

 

I dragged Sun Ye by the hand back out to towards the limo.  Most of the artists were leaving the venue to go to after parties, but I had never really been the sort to do that sort of thing.  It had been a long day and all I wanted was some peace and quiet.  Judging from the noise all the reporters were making over my live performance it was starting to look like I wouldn’t have that for a long time. 

 

“Yubin!  Was that song written for a special man in your life?”

 

“Will you be revealing the mysterious Sun in your promotional activities for the new album?”

 

We weaved our way around the crowds and scrambled into the limo as quickly as we could to escape their probing questions.  I slammed the door shut and signaled for the driver to take us away.  With a sigh I turned to Sun Ye in the back seat.

 

“I’m sorry about all the repor-“

 

My apology was cut off by Sun Ye’s lips as she pulled me in for a rough kiss.  A fog instantly covered my mind as she traced her fingers around the back of my neck.  What was I trying to say?  Something about cameras… or camels?  Dammit.  It didn’t matter anymore. 

 

She pulled back and leaned her forehead against mine.

 

“And that was _my_ apology.  I’m sorry Yubin for just showing up in your life and reminding you of everything I messed up before.”

 

“I guess I can forgive you,” I teased as I ran my fingers lightly through her hair.  “After all, my anger in that song was only a small fraction of my emotions.  I was mostly singing about how I am very much in love with you.”

 

Sun Ye’s face lit up in a blush.  It was the first time I had said those words since we had met in that coffee shop so many months ago.  Despite the time that had passed and everything that had happened, they just felt right.

 

“I love you too,” she whispered quietly.  “And this time I mean it with every fiber of my being.”

 

“I know you do.”

 

Her eyes glittered with tears for the second time this evening.  I watched as one slide down her face and leaned over to stop its decent with my lips.  I could feel her face grow warm with a blush again.  It was hard to believe how much I missed my beautiful, blushing Sun Ye.  I pulled back from her and gave her a serious look.

 

“Did I mention that you live too far away?”

 

“I believe you mentioned it once or twice,” Sun Ye said with a smile.

 

“And it is really late right now, almost two in the morning...”

 

“I suppose it is pretty late.”

 

“If we have the driver take you home you probably won’t get to bed until three at the earliest.  Then you would have only two hours to sleep.  It isn’t enough considering the amount of work we will be doing in promotions tomorrow…”

 

Sun Ye arched her eyebrow curiously at me.  She wasn’t dumb.  She knew were this was going.

 

“So your proposal is?”

 

“Come back to my place,” I said in as authoritative a voice as I could manage.  “You are a growing girl who needs her rest.”

 

“Uh huh,” Sun Ye drawled as I leaned in for another kiss.  “Because if I go back to your place we will be doing so much sleeping.”

 

I chuckled lightly into her mouth as I kissed her. 

 

“Hey, who knows what could happen when we get there?  It is a magical night of first snows.”

 

 

 =========

 

 

Sun Ye leaned into my side as I took out my keys and opened the door.  We both knew after our limo ride back to my place that there definitely wasn’t going to be much sleeping going on tonight.  We had miraculously managed to keep our hands mostly to ourselves, which was good since the limo driver had rolled down the divider to double check that we were going to go back to just my apartment.  He probably didn’t see anything, but I gave him an extra huge tip just in case. 

 

I dragged Sun Ye into the entranceway and kicked off my shoes.  She leaned back against the door to close it and smiled her best mischievous look.  We had both been dreaming of this night for far too long.  With a few quick steps, I closed the distance between us and pinned her against the wall.  I arched my head to the side to kiss her, but stopped when I heard a small clicking sound.  She chuckled at my shock.

 

“I was locking the door.  Since you never bother to,” she explained.

 

“Good call,” I said huskily as I leaned in again to kiss her. 

 

Our lips automatically found each other and fell into our perfectly matched rhythm.  Sun Ye traced her hands under my fedora and threw it clattering to the floor.  My fingers traced to the lacey straps on her dress and slid them off her shoulders, pulling the zipper on the side of it down as I went.  The dress fell off her body, exposing more skin than my hands knew what to do with at the moment.  I traced my fingers over her exposed stomach and grinned into our kiss.

 

“I thought we were going to take things slow at first,” she mumbled into my lips.

 

“Yeah, that was before you wore this sexy, blue number to the awards tonight.”

 

“I knew you would like it,” Sun Ye said impishly as she pushed me back into the apartment. 

 

I stumbled backwards and she caught the collar of my shirt to keep me upright.  Something about this woman always seemed to knock me off my feet.  She grinned as she undid the buttons on my shirt with the other hand.  I leaned in and kissed her as she continued to work on my clothing.  Our lips met each other heatedly, our yearning from the past three years coming up to the surface.  She tugged lightly on my bottom lip and I moaned into her mouth.  She always knew what got me going.  My hands trailed circles on the exposed skin on her hips; enjoying the smooth sensation of everything they could touch.  I sucked in a quick breath as I felt her hands glide down my stomach to undo my belt buckle.  She was teasing tonight as much as I was.  Sun Ye just smiled into our heated kiss and let my pants fall to the floor. 

 

“You never let me see it, but I assume you have a bedroom right?”

 

“Um yeah,” I said in a dazed voice.  “It’s somewhere over uh… there.”

 

I made a halfhearted attempt to point towards my room, not really wanting to take my hands off of Sun Ye for long.  She pushed me lightly towards the hallway, more clothes falling off as we went.  By the time we had made it to my room the only things on us were some underwear and heavy blushes.  I nudged Sun Ye backwards onto my large, burgundy bed and continued to reacquaint myself with every aspect of her body.  She sighed happily as I kissed my way down her chest, letting my tongue linger over key areas. 

 

My hands weren’t the only ones that couldn’t stay still.  Sun Ye made quick disposal of my remaining articles of clothing, my bra suddenly finding its way to the floor of my bedroom.  Little bits of glitter from the performance trailed through the air as I arched myself over her and started nibbling my way down her jaw line. 

 

“Yubin, you just exploded glitter on top of the bed.”

 

“It’s snow baby.  Snow,” I mumbled into her neck.

 

“Well your snow is getting all over the place.”

 

I pulled back and looked down at her.

 

“Oh well, would you rather I stopped for the general cleanliness of our situation?” I dared her. 

 

I watched her as her eyes traced up my torso, her breathless chest heaving as she examined me.  With the look in her eyes I already knew what her answer would be.

 

“No…”

 

Uh huh.  I knew it.  I grinned and lay myself back down on top of her, our bodies immediately melting back together.  Every aspect of our past selves was just clicking back into place.  I nipped lightly on the lower spot on her neck, right where I remembered her liking it.  She inhaled deeply and dug her nails into my back.  So she hadn’t changed.  I grinned into her skin as I licked the small bite mark.  She would have a mark in the morning, but it was worth it.  Sun Ye was all mine and I needed to mark my territory. 

 

My hand trailed over her body pressing, sliding.  It was like we had never spent those three years apart.  I hit every sensitive spot on her that I remembered, like we had been sleeping with each other for years.  Sun Ye let me take control, pushing her up to the brinks of pleasure, teasing her down, and then building her up again. 

 

Why had I let her slip away the first time?   How could I block this woman out of my life?  I normally liked being introspective about this sort of thing, but now was not the time. 

 

We both had a long night, and lifetime, ahead of us. 

 

 

 

 =========

 

 

 _To:[snow_white_funk@defjam.com](mailto:snow_white_funk@defjam.com)_

 _From:[first_snow@interscope.com](mailto:first_snow@interscope.com)_

 _Re:  First Snow: Part II_

 _~Yubin_

 _Bet you weren’t expecting an email from me today, huh?   I actually snuck out of bed and used your laptop to write this.  It was very hard to coax myself to leave you; you were sleeping there innocently curled into my side with little bits of glitter stuck to your cheek.  Really, I wanted to just stay there next to you.  Or possibly wake you up for another round.  In the end I decided that I wouldn’t be able to go to sleep until I wrote something to you.  After all, you wrote me letters after we had sex the first time.  And this is kind of like our … second first time.  So it is definitely my turn to write to you._

 _Today was fillied with second firsts on so many levels.  I don’t think my heart has felt this light in quite some time.  I’ve been happy these past few weeks with us just being… together.  With you not running away or being standoffish.  But all that time I really just wanted to talk to you about us, like what we were as a couple.  It has been a vague couple of weeks on that front.  I guess you were right about the just taking charge thing though, cause I did it again and got you to admit that we were officially dating.  Maybe this seemed like a little thing to you, but it meant a lot to me.  Just hearing the words to back up the actions was so encouraging._

 _But those words can’t even compare to hearing you say that you loved me again.  I think I already knew deep down that you did.  You said them all those months ago to me in the coffee shop and despite your actions, I could see that you still stood by them.  And this time I got to answer you for real, with all my heart.  I know that you understand that I have no barriers up to what I feel for you now._

 _And although you are mad at Joe for skipping the awards ceremony tonight, I am pretty thrilled with him.  In fact, I might send him a fruit basket or something.  The entire show was fantastic.  It’s similar to the award shows we went to in Korea, but there is just something more… urgent and edgy about the American ceremony.  Plus knowing that it was going to be broadcast live into homes across the world definitely was different.  People in California, England, even Korea, got to see us walk into the American Music Awards together.  In fact I wonder if Ye Eun got to see us?  It would take a load off her mind to know that her ‘sins’ were not in vain.  But as much fun as the red carpet walk was, it obviously wasn’t the highlight._

 _I can’t believe you wrote that song about us._

 _I feel like I will never be able to apologize enough times to make up for the pain that I put you through back then.  All I can do now is try and be a different person, one that will love you fully and unconditionally.  Just like you did to me.  I will never forget you standing on that stage singing your heart out to me.  You’ve given me so much over the years, Yubin; your music, your love, your heart._

 _And two beautiful first snows._

 _forever in love with you,_

 _~Sun Ye_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song in this chapter was completely original and written by a reader of the story. I liked it so much that I made it into a plot point for this chapter. I owe my ghost writer a million thanks for her help and lovely song for Yubin.


	7. Chapter 7:  Re: past < future

BZZT BZZT BZZT BZZT

 

I blinked wearily at my alarm clock.  6AM.  As always.  The annoying buzzing of the alarm was suddenly cut off even though I made no attempt to move towards the offending object.  With the blissful silence washing over my ears I let my eyes flutter shut again.  Mmm sleep.  Hadn’t been getting much of that lately.

 

“Are you seriously still asleep?!”

 

My head instinctively buried further into the pillow to block out the complaining voice.  If I ignored it for long enough it would probably stop just like the alarm.  I needed at least some sleep, my body couldn’t keep working this hard without getting a break every once in a while. 

 

“Yubin, you are drooling on the pillow.”

 

Huh?  I immediately wiped my face to avoid further embarrassment and found nothing there.  My eyes opened slightly to glare at the person who was lying to me so early in the morning. 

 

“Liar.  Why would you say that to an innocent maiden like me so early in the morning?”

 

“Because you need to wake up so we can go to work.  Remember work?  It’s that thing you do so that I can live in the superfluous way to which I have grown accustomed,” Sun Ye said happily.

 

I rolled onto my back and threw my arm over my eyes.  It was only a matter of minutes before I woke up and started to get ready.  Sun Ye knew that, but we liked to play this game every morning now. 

 

“Argh why did I have to choose such a nag for a girl friend.  Why do I never get a chance to rest around here?”

 

Sun Ye just smiled mischievously back.  I watched her cautiously from under my arm as she slid closer to me.  She always had the annoying quality of looking absolutely gorgeous from the second she woke up, her tousled bed head just added to her innate sexiness somehow.  While I secretively checked out her face I felt a hand trail down my bare side under the sheets.  Just at the lightest touch from her my insides immediately lit on fire.

 

“Oh right!” I exclaimed as I pinned her underneath me on the bed.  “THAT’S why I never get a chance to rest.”

 

She chuckled into my mouth as I kissed her lightly on the lips.  I pressed harder, demanding her full attention and I could feel her reciprocate.  That’s right Sun Ye.  No time for laughing now.  I pulled back slightly and then kissed the corner of her mouth, her jaw, her ear; slowly making my way down to her neck.  I buried my face in her shoulder and nipped lightly at the skin there.  Sun Ye sighed happily and ran her hands up my back.  She always loved it when I did that. 

 

“Yubin…”

 

I licked her flushed skin and continued my attention there.  The way she whispered my name was like an aphrodisiac to me. 

 

“Yubin…”

 

Yeah that’s right Sun Ye.  Say my name.  And only my name.  For the rest of your life I should be the only one who you whisper to like that. 

 

“Yubin!”

 

Her fingers pinched me where they rested on my back.  I jerked back and glared at the smirking woman.

 

“What the hell!?  Some people would consider that very rude!  I was just trying to be a nice, attentive girlfriend!”

 

Sun Ye leaned off my bed and picked up the alarm clock to show me what time it was.  6:05AM.  I sighed sadly.  She was totally right.  Time to stop playing and get ready for the day.  I slid out from under the sheets and threw on a T-shirt and pajama bottoms to head into the kitchen while Sun Ye took the first shower.  My eyes avoided the bed where Sun Ye was getting ready as I went into the hallway.  Too much temptation if I looked back now. 

 

I let out a small yawn as I started to go through the motions of my morning routine.  My sleep schedule as of late had been intermittent at best.  I was usually out doing promotional lives and interviews until late at night to publicize my new album that had dropped last week, but that wasn’t the real reason for my sleep deprivation.  The real reason was in the shower as I made her morning pot of coffee. 

 

A smile spread across my face.  Sun Ye had basically been staying at my apartment every night since the American Music Awards and it hadn’t exactly inspired a lot of rest.  I used to be so upset over the smallest disruption to my morning routine, but Sun Ye had flawlessly merged as a part of that.  It definitely helped that she was even more structured and predictable than I was.  No matter how little sleep we got the night before, she would always make sure we were up and getting ready for the day at 6AM.  We would drink our coffee and tea and then head out to work for the day, often together, sometimes separately when she had solo business to work out, and then we would share a cab back to my place.  Once back at my apartment we would have a wonderful night and then get as much sleep as we could until the next morning when we started all over again. 

 

No routine had ever made me happier. 

 

Sun Ye walked out of the hallway while toweling her hair off and shot me a pleading look.  I rolled my eyes back at her and walked over with her morning dose of caffeine.  She happily took it out of my hands and took a large sip of the hot liquid. 

 

“Happy now, Mistress?”  I asked her sarcastically.

 

“Very happy,” she said as she kissed me lightly on the cheek in thanks.  “Thank you Sugar Daddy.”

 

“Urgh.  Okay I know I’m trying to immerse myself in the American urban culture, but I’m more than happy to skip that particular aspect.”

 

Sun Ye laughed at me and headed over to the couch to turn on the television for my morning music news.  She continued to sip her coffee as I finished getting my tea ready. 

 

“Music fans in New York City are excited for the annual Christmas in Rockefeller Center holiday show that will be happening tonight downtown.  Many top artists will be participating in the event including the Jonas Brothers, Beyonce, lil Snappy and Yubin.  Everyone is expecting a great show; especially since both Beyonce and Yubin’s live songs from the AMA event are still some of the top viewed videos on youtube even though they occurred over a week ago.  Due to this being the last major live event before Christmas it is expected that all the performers will pull out all the stops and make this an event to remember in 2011.  Of course the proceeds will all go to the Christmas charity of Toys for Tots to give presents to underprivileged children across the countr-“

 

“Wow… the event to remember from 2011?  You’ve been singing ‘Emails’ a lot this past week, is that what you are doing for the charity show?”  Sun Ye asked me from the living room.

 

I poured my tea into a mug and walked out to the living room to take my place next to her on the couch. 

 

“You know, I still haven’t gotten a call from Joe about that event.  I think he has been totally distracted by his new boyfriend ‘cause he keeps forgetting stuff like this.  Honestly, that reporter probably knows just as much as I do at this point.”

 

“Well maybe it was Joe who was trying to call you last night at two in the morning,” Sun Ye said as she sipped on her coffee.  “Your phone just wouldn’t shut up.”

 

“Whoa what!?  I didn’t hear that at all!” I complained with a pout.

 

“Of course you didn’t.  Once you are asleep you tend to be out of it until morning.  Unfortunately I’m not nearly as unrousable as you and it kept me up for a good half-hour.”

 

“You could have mentioned this sooner!” I yelled at my girlfriend as I jogged back to the bedroom to retrieve my phone. 

 

A glance at the front panel on it told me that I had twelve missed calls and three new voicemails, all from Joe.  Wow.  That might not be the best sign early in the morning.  I flipped the phone open and speed dialed to check my voicemail.  Joe’s booming voice met my ear and I winced at his panic.

 

“Oh my God Yubin.  I can’t believe you are not answering your phone.  I’ve called like ten times!  You only avoid your phone like this when you have a girl over.  She better be worth it.  I’ll let it slide this time since I’ve been neglecting you slightly because of all the time I’ve been spending with Tim.  Plus I know you haven’t gotten any action in a while so you probably really distrac-“

 

I pulled the phone away from my ear.  When Joe got like this he would rant for a while and I really didn’t want to hear his pity over my sex life.  Sun Ye glanced at me curiously from the couch.

 

“Yeah it’s Joe.  I think he has something important to tell me.”

 

“Um shouldn’t you be listening to the message then?” She asked with a laugh. 

 

“He is in one of those moods.  He’s probably not saying much of any importance anyway.  Here, I’ll show you.”

 

I flopped on the couch next to her again and hit the button for speakerphone so that Joe’s voice filled the whole living room. 

 

“-and then Tim totally agreed with me that you needed to find someone to keep you happy too.  I mean, you are a good girl Yubin, a little bitter and snippy sometimes, but that really doesn’t matter in the end.  In fact, some girls might like it if you talk to them like that in bed.”

 

“See what I mean?” I said to Sun Ye.

 

Sun Ye raised her eyebrow curiously at me.

 

“Talk bitter and snippy in bed?  Is that seriously a thing for some girls?”

 

“I don’t know,” I said with a smirk.  “We’ll try it out tonight and you can tell me.”

 

She hit my arm playfully and we went back to listening to Joe’s voice coming from my cell.

 

“-anyway, the point of this message is to fill you in on details for the Christmas Rockefeller charity event.  I’ve been talking to Sun Ye’s management at Interscope and they think that this live is the perfect year end publicity event for her.  We are gonna change your set list from “Emails” to “SHOCK” so that she can sing with you at the show.  People have been clamoring for a live of that song you know, all the radio stations are filled with requests for the song, the album has been number one since it came out, blah de blah.  You know you have to give people what they want eventually.  I hope you get this message in time to tell Sun Ye since her manager hasn’t been able to contact her.  You both need to get to the office for some prep work and then we will head out to the venue.  And you really should give a thought to that advice from me and Tim about getting hot girls who aren’t famous star-“

 

I clicked the phone shut to cut off Joe’s nagging voice.  He definitely talked too much sometimes.

 

“The rest of that probably isn’t important.”

 

Sun Ye stared at me and sighed.  At least she had accepted my past flings with people, even if she still didn’t believe me about the Beyonce thing. 

 

“Yeah yeah,” she said as she pushed me off the couch.  “Now go get your shower.  I hear we have a duet to work on today.”

 

A duet with Sun Ye.  Really that phone call had better news than I ever could have hoped to hear.  I stood up quickly and grinned at her.  She just waved me on towards the bathroom, but I could see the excitement shining in her eyes. 

 

We were going to get to share the stage again. 

 

==========

 

 

“Oh thank God you are here!”

 

Joe ran forward and hugged me as I walked into the Def Jam lounge with Sun Ye.  I fidgeted in his grasp as I tried to push him off of me.  Sun Ye just stood there chuckling as I glared at her for not helping me. 

 

“Joe seriously.  Get off of me.  URGH.  Sun Ye!  A little help here?!”

 

“I don’t know Yubin,” Sun Ye said as she tried to hold back her laughter.  “It might be good for you to feel the warmth of a man’s embrace.”

 

“Oh quiet you!  Joe seriously, I don’t swing that way and I know you don’t either.  Get off of me and use your words.”

 

Joe slowly unwound his arms from around me and backed up slightly to give me some breathing room.  Sun Ye lightly patted me on the back and I glared at her for her comforting gesture that was a little too late for my tastes. 

 

“I’m just so glad you girls are here on time!  I was afraid that neither of you had gotten my messages.  We have so much work to do for this charity show.”

 

He gestured for us to follow him over to the table to look through the schedule.  We all gathered around his papers there as he brought out a time chart for the day.  My eyes drifted over the list and I saw that we would be quite busy for the day. 

 

“So you girls will be going to makeup and the stylist here first.  They are gonna pretty you up, not that you need it Sun Ye dear, and then ship you out to the venue.”

 

I glared at Joe for his blatant favoritism of Sun Ye.  He always did like the cute ones.  Then again, I guess I did too.  I shifted my stare to Sun Ye and saw an excited look on her face.  Hearing on the phone that we were going to be singing together was one thing, but seeing it written on paper just made it so much more official. 

 

I glared at Joe for his blatant favoritism of Sun Ye.  He always did like the cute ones.  Then again, I guess I did too.  I shifted my stare to Sun Ye and saw an excited look on her face.  Hearing on the phone that we were going to be singing together was one thing, but seeing it written on paper just made it so much more official.

 

Sun Ye nodded enthusiastically and I couldn’t help but grin at her energy.  She was like a kid who had just gotten an early Christmas present.  It was absolutely adorable.  I would definitely have to give my all for Sun Ye’s debut stage in the US; our first stage together in over three years. 

 

Joe ruined my reflective moment by hurrying both of us toward the doors to the lounge. 

 

“Hurry hurry!  You girls need to get your clothes on and get all dolled up!  We need to make this a landmark live for 2011.”

 

==========

 

 

“Ooo Sun you just have the prettiest hair!  I want to get mine cut just like this, but I don’t think I can pull it off like you do,” the stylist said as she ran her hands through Sun Ye’s hair for the thirtieth time. 

 

Sun Ye smiled at the compliment and I pouted visibly behind the stylists back. 

 

“How come all the stylists always compliment you and your hair, but never say a single nice thing about me?”  I whined petulantly.

 

“It’s because you are moody,” the stylist tossed over her shoulder.

 

“What!?  Why is everyone saying that today?”

 

Sun Ye tried to keep from laughing as the stylist moved on to touch up her makeup. 

 

“Oh come on Yubin.  You’ve definitely had a moody couple of months there.  You can’t blame people for being nervous or making fun of you.”

 

“But I thought that I was getting better lately…”

 

“Of course you have been,” Sun Ye said comfortingly.

 

I looked over the stylist’s shoulder as she worked.  Sun Ye’s eyes twinkled at me.  She knew full well that she was the reason that my mood had been so much lighter lately.  I definitely couldn’t be angry at that fact.  The stylist stepped back quickly, forcing me to break eye contact with Sun Ye.  She brushed Sun Ye’s dress off and adjusted it to make it perfect for her first appearance. 

 

“Alright, I think you ladies are all set for this performance, or at least as ready as I can get you.  The rest will be up to you two.”

 

She stylist patted Sun Ye on the shoulder and wished her luck before she cleaned up her make up kit and left the small tent.  I walked over to Sun Ye again to take over the space left vacant by the stylist. 

 

“You really do look gorgeous,” I whispered, as I looked Sun Ye up and down.

 

Her outfit for her debut was a dress very similar to the one she had worn to the awards show a week ago, but instead of being colored her favorite blue shade it was made of a shimmering silver fabric.  It would definitely catch the lights of the stage and make for a flashy entrance.  My eyes traveled over the long slit up the leg and appreciated the exposed skin.  I would definitely never get enough of that.

 

“Are you sure you are gonna be okay in that,” I said with some concern.  “This preparation tent is pretty warm, but the stage is an outside one in the plaza and it has to be close to freezing at this point.”

 

“Hey I can’t really go against the stylists wishes for my debut.  Although I would much rather be wearing your outfit instead.”

 

Sun Ye looked longingly at my clothing and I glanced down at my outfit.  I had been given my standard dress pants, hoodie, and hat.  Nothing fancy, but in this weather I was definitely glad that I had been given the extra layers.  I would have given Sun Ye my warm hoodie in a heartbeat though if it didn’t go against the management’s wishes. 

 

“Hey it’ll be okay,” I tried to reassure her.  “The live will only last five minutes at most.  Then you can come back stage and I’ll warm you up.”

 

Sun Ye blushed lightly and reached forward to playfully tug the cords on my hoodie.  She normally wouldn't blush at one of my suggestive comments like that; she was far beyond that embarrassment in our relationship.  Tthat meant that she was nervous about her live debut.

 

“Good.  I would definitely like that,” she whispered. 

 

I grinned at her and then took a step back.  Beyonce’s booming voice was outside the tent introducing her new song, which meant that we were going to be on in one song.  We still had time to go through our motions at least one more time.  Anything to keep Sun Ye’s mind off of her debut live and keep her from getting nervous. 

 

“Okay so at the start of the song you will be behind the curtain on the second level of the stage and I will be down in front facing the audience.”

 

Sun Ye took a deep breath and let it out.  She smiled gratefully at me and got into her starting pose with the microphone.  I placed myself an appropriate distance in front of her for our practice steps.

 

“Alright and then when your lines come up the spotlight will shine on the curtain and make the silhouette effect, just like in the music video.  That light turning on is the cue for you to sing.”

 

 _“Like my feelings are just so simple to you-_

 _Common sense is so annoying”_

 

Sun Ye belted out the first few lines in her chorus segment and I smiled at her.  She was just backstage practicing and she already sounded perfect.  There was no way she would mess this up on stage.  She was going to do great and make a fantastic debut into the world of American music.  I started walking slowly backwards so I was closer to Sun Ye.  At this point the spotlight on me would converge with the ones directed through the curtain on her to make the silhouette pop out even more. 

 

“You’re doin’ great,” I said cheerfully.  “And then comes my rap section again.”

 

 _“Who’s the puppet?_

 _Who’s the master?_

 _Do you understand?_

 _You don’t get it do you?_

 _It all comes back to our game”_

 

At the end of the lines I let all my muscles relax and dropped my head like a puppet on a string.  Time for Sun Ye to shine.

 

 _  
_

_“And I ache and I ache_

 _It’s more than I can take…”_

 

            I let her continue singing her trademark lines in the song and fluttered my arms in front of her to mimic the curtain drop that would occur on stage.  I timed the fall of the curtain to Sun Ye’s feet in my mind and held my hand out to her.  She gracefully accepted it and pretended to step over the fallen curtain on the ground, all while continuing her lines. 

 

 _“It only gets even worse_

 _When I sleep – when I awake-“_

 

Sun Ye stepping toward me and sang directly into my eyes.  I shifted away from her at the same time, leaving an electric gap between us.  Even our love-torn song was filled with emotion.  Was this a good idea?  Should we really be singing this song together in front of millions of people?  This was just a practice version and already our chemistry was palpable.  Once we got on stage and had adrenaline fueling us… there was no telling what was going to happen.  I just let myself flow with Sun Ye as she sang her beautiful R&B lines, adding in my rap lines wherever I was needed. 

 

We neared the end of the song and I slid near Sun Ye as she sang her last lines.  I turned my back to the fictional audience and placed my hand on her shoulder as I drew myself next to her for her last line.  She trailed off on the final note and we leaned away from each other, my arm the only thread connecting us.  We paused and held our positions for a few seconds.

 

“And then the lights will fade…” I whispered.

 

Sun Ye turned from me and raised her hand comfortingly to touch my arm.  I met her eyes and could see her appreciation.  There were no traces of her nervousness left. 

 

“Thanks for this Yubin,” she said softly.  “I really feel so much better now.”

 

I leaned toward her and rested my forehead against hers.  Our eyes fluttered shut and we just enjoyed the energy of the pre-show atmosphere.  The sound of the audience cheering filtered through the thin tent walls, but all I could hear was the uneven breathing coming from Sun Ye that was brushing against my cheeks.  This feeling of excitement between the two of us that only exists right before a live performance… I missed this feeling so much. 

 

“You are going to take the US by storm Sun Ye.  I’m so very proud of you.”

 

She twisted her head slightly and kissed my cheek. 

 

“And coming up next we have a special live performance of the new number one single “SHOCK” from rapper Yubin.  This is the first live of this song ever, so make sure you give it up for her and her special guest: Sun!”

 

The announcer’s voice reverberated into the tent.  We reluctantly broke apart and headed toward the tent exit to the stage.  I gave Sun Ye a final once over and ran my fingers through her hair, laying it perfectly on the side of her face.  She smiled confidently at me and I grinned back. 

 

There was nothing like that first live of a song, and sharing that feeling with Sun Ye just made it that much sweeter.

 

 ==========

 

 

I laughed happily as I pushed Sun Ye in front of me down the stairs from the stage.  The crowd was going crazy and yelling for us to do an encore.  The emcee had moved on to announce the next act, but most of the audience was still screaming for Sun Ye and me.  I tugged Sun Ye out of the way of the next act headed toward the stage.  We moved out of the flow of traffic to the backside of the stage.  I leaned back against the metal supports and grinned at Sun Ye. 

 

“You did it!  Everyone out there watching was mesmerized by you!”

 

She smiled shyly back and laughed.

 

“I haven’t done any live singing in… months.  It feels so good to be back on stage.  Especially since… it was with you.”

 

Sun Ye blushed lightly at her confession and I sighed happily, my breath clouding up in the winter air.  It wasn’t my solo career that I had been spending years on, but this was somehow even better.  I walked over to Sun Ye and trailed my fingers down her arms. 

 

“Yeah…” I said in my husky voice.  “Somehow us being together, whether it is on stage or in the bedroom, it’s just… right.”

 

She shivered lightly under my touch.  Of course.  Sun Ye had been up on stage in the cold winter air in nothing but a slinky dress.  There was no way she wasn’t freezing right now and I had pulled her away from the warm tent just so we could have some time alone behind the stage.  I quickly unzipped my hoodie and removed it.  Sun Ye opened her mouth to complain, but I immediately shushed her.  Her breath stained the air white as I draped the sweatshirt around her shoulders. 

 

“Thanks,” she whispered quietly, just barely audible over the singing from the stage.

 

“Hold on,” I said as I stared at her thoughtfully.

 

I reached up, took my hat off my head, and pushed it down on Sun Ye’s.  She laughed as I twisted it slightly to the side. 

 

“Alright!  Now you look perfectly urban.  You’ll have to sing more songs with the great rapper Yubin if you have style like that.”

 

Sun Ye adjusted the hat on her head and posed for me.  She didn’t look remotely urban really.  The hoodie was huge on her tiny frame and her hair stuck up in wisps under the hat, but it all just made her that much more adorable.  I moved forward and hugged her.

 

“My little urban gangsta…”

 

“If the stylist could see me now, I’m pretty sure she would throw a fit.”

 

“Well luckily she can’t see you,” I whispered in her hair.  “No one can.”

 

She pulled back from our hug and kissed me lightly on the lips.  I tilted my head to avoid the brim of her hat and deepened our kiss.  It as like I was a teenager from a television show, sneaking off to make out with my girlfriend under the bleachers.  My hands reached under the warm fabric of my hoodie to find Sun Ye’s slim sides and I pulled her warm body close.  She nipped lightly at my bottom lip and I moaned into her mouth. 

 

Every live concert should be like this; a hot performance followed by a celebratory kiss with my girlfriend backstage.  A girl could definitely get used to this sort of routine. 

 

I broke the kiss when I felt something cold slide down my neck.  Sun Ye held her hand out and a solitary snowflake drifted down onto its outstretched surface.  Her eyes lit up as the flakes started to fall down in waves from the sky.  She always had loved snow.

 

“First snow of the season,” she said quietly.

 

“Well I liked my glitter snow personally.  I thought it was terribly romantic.”

 

“Yes Yubin, your glitter snow was very nice.  Now let’s get ready to go on stage for the final curtain call.”

 

She pulled my hat off and fit it on my head again.  Her hands went to the zipper on the hoodie and I moved to stop her.  Sun Ye had gone much longer in this cold than I had; she could keep the hoodie.

 

“Just wear my jacket.  The audience will think it is cute, don’t worry about it.”

 

Sun Ye nodded and I gently took her hand and we headed back to the stage. 

 

“And then back to my place right?”

 

“There was never any question about that.”

 

 =========

 

 

 _To:[snow_white_funk@defjam.com](mailto:snow_white_funk@defjam.com)_

 _From:[first_snow@interscope.com](mailto:first_snow@interscope.com)_

 _Re:  past < future_

 _~Yubin_

 _Does if feel like we are living in a dream sometimes?  For me it does.  Everything is just coming together all too perfectly.  I finally got you to accept me as your girlfriend and had my chance to debut in America.  Really this is basically everything that I have been working towards for the past several years.  I spent so much time in Korea studying my English and getting my connections to come to the US just to see you and win you over; a balance of my career and you._

 _In the past I always instinctively put my career over everything else in my life, even you.  It is one of my biggest regrets in life that I treated you like that.  You always said that some things are more important than our jobs, like our own happiness and love.  When you left, my career didn’t seem nearly as important to me as it had before.  I would work all day and feel little fulfillment from it if I had no one to share my success with at the end of the day.  If I was going to go to America, it was going to be all for the sake of you, not my career.  Sure I used my singing as a way to feasibly follow you to the US, but it was never the real reason why I moved here.  I think you knew that._

 _That isn’t to say that I don’t love singing or what I do at all.  I still love the rush of being on stage and singing a song in a studio for the first time.  In fact, as I worked more and more in the US with you I was afraid that I was going to fall back into the trap of only seeing my career.  I think that might be half of the reason I was so worried about being on stage today.  But the second you looked at me at that show I could barely remember my lines.  The only thing I saw was you, not my job or the screaming audience._

 _I’m glad we had the chance to do this song together.  Not only has it brought us closer together, but also it really has shown me that I have changed.  For the better.  I can honestly say with all my heart that you are the most important thing in my life.  I love you more than singing, dancing, or performing._

 _I had better get back to bed.  You seem to have trouble waking up in the morning to the alarm ringing, but whenever I disappear during the night you have a tendency to know right away.  I wouldn’t want you to miss me. <3_

 _You are the only one I want to sing duets with,_

 _~Sun Ye_

 

 


	8. Chapter 8 :  Re: That One Defining Moment

My eyes fluttered open as Sun Ye’s even breath washed over my cheek.  I tilted my head slightly to where she was curled up against my shoulder.  A smile tugged at my lips at the innocent sight of her peaceful slumber.  It was definitely a stark contrast to totally not-innocent activities we had been up to the night before.  I pulled the sheets up on Sun Ye to cover her up a bit more and turned to face the clock.  6AM.  Sun Ye must have been completely worn out yesterday if she had slept in this late.  Usually she was up and about by now, but there was no reason not to let her sleep in a bit today.  Since it was the holidays we had a few days of complete freedom to enjoy.

 

I inched away from Sun Ye slowly so as not to wake her up and threw on some clothes.  Even if Sun Ye wasn’t awake yet it was time to start my morning routine.  I plodded quietly out into the kitchen and started to heat up water for tea and coffee.  My hand instinctively found the remote and clicked on the television.

 

“Yesterday was the large Christmas Charity Concert in New York City.  A lot of popular singers performed, but the live performance by rapper Yubin is the one being talked about all over the Internet today.  She kicked off her segment with a bang by finally introducing her mysterious duet partner Sun.  The two did a fabulous live event that basically overshadowed all the other performers at the event.”

 

A pair of arms loosely wrapped around me from behind.  I placed my hands lightly on Sun Ye’s as she perched her head on my shoulder to watch the television with me from where we were standing in the kitchen.

 

“You always seem to be on television.  Why don’t you let other people have a chance?” she joked.

 

“Hey.  I let others be on television.  See?”

 

I pointed at the screen as the newscast cut to a clip of Sun Ye singing her verse in our song.  My hands squeezed hers on top of my stomach and I could feel her breath catch lightly in my ear. 

 

“You’re on television,” I whispered quietly.

 

She buried her head happily into my shoulder and I chuckled.  It used to be like this whenever we would do our debut performances of a new Wonder Girls song.  We would cling to each other and squeal like little girls as we watched them later.  I turned around in Sun Ye’s arms and smiled at her.

 

“Congratulations on your American singing debut Miss Sun,” I said quietly.

 

Sun Ye leaned upwards and kissed me lightly.  

 

“Why thank you Miss Yubin.  I hope we can work together in the future.”

 

The teapot whistled at us from the stove and I gave Sun Ye a quick kiss before I broke away to move it off the burner.  She followed me in and poured herself a mug of coffee while I made my tea.  Once we had our morning drinks in hand we walked out to the living room couch.

 

“So what do you want to do on your day of freedom, Miss Superstar?” I asked playfully as we sat down. 

 

I watched as Sun Ye sipped her coffee thoughtfully.  My eyes narrowed at her.  There was something going on here.  Usually she would jump up at the opportunity to spend time with me.

 

“What did you and Ye Eun do when you went out on dates?”

 

The tea I was drinking caught in my throat and I almost spluttered it out.

 

“Wha-what!?  We didn’t do that much!”

 

“Oh I’m sorry, I meant what you were doing when you weren’t feeling her up or making out.”

 

Sun Ye’s eyes smiled at me over the top of her mug and I could tell that she was just messing with me.  Urgh.  I was never gonna live down that thing with Ye Eun. 

 

“You know she touched me too.  Why aren’t you mad at Ye Eun?”

 

“Oh well she is my best friend,” Sun Ye explained offhandedly.  “ She gets a free pass.”

 

“Uh huh… So really I’m just never gonna win this argument am I?”

 

“Nope.”

 

I sighed in defeat and leaned against Sun Ye’s shoulder. 

 

“We really didn’t go out and do much.  Just walked around New York City cause she wanted to be a tourist and look around.”

 

“Alright,” she said happily.  “How about we go for a walk too?  Maybe to Central Park?  And then we can come back here and cook.  We haven’t done that together in a long time.”

 

I turned slightly in my seat to face Sun Ye and smiled. 

 

“That sounds perfect.”

 

Sun Ye leaned in and kissed me delicately.  It was amazing how even though we had technically been together again for a few weeks, everything was still fresh with her.  Whenever we kissed I felt so blessed that I could experience this with her again.  I pushed her back slightly on the couch and deepened our kiss. 

 

“I thought… we were going to go to the Park,” Sun Ye panted in between my heated kisses.  “Shouldn’t… we get ready?”

 

“Sun Ye, Central Park isn’t going anywhere.  It’ll still be there in a few hours.”

 

 

==========

 

 

Sun Ye shivered lightly as we walked down the pathway in Central Park.  The snow had piled up quite a bit overnight, but the walks had been cleared sometime during the morning.  Guess it was a good thing we had gotten distracted and been slightly late getting to the park. 

 

Our trip out had also given us a reason to use our new winter clothes besides covering up our identities, which I was very happy about.  I glanced out over the top of my scarf to admire how adorable Sun Ye looked all bundled up against the New York chill.  She was walking a little stiffly in her brand new boots and puffy winter jacket.  Her giant wooly scarf obscured most of her face, but I could see her eyes twinkling with excitement.  It was like watching a kid experience their first winter.  It took all my willpower to keep from rushing forward to hug and kiss her adorable self all over. 

 

A second wash of shivers fell over her and I couldn’t hold myself back anymore.  My arm jetted out and scooped up Sun Ye’s petite hand and shoved it inside my warm jacket pocket.  She smiled and blushed as we walked through the park, hands intertwined.  As much fun as I had experienced running around the streets of New York City with Ye Eun, it really couldn’t compare to going out with Sun Ye.  I squeezed her hand lightly in my pocket and lead her over toward the bench overlooking the pond.  We sat down on the snow-dusted surface and watched out over the ice skaters darting across the frozen expanse.

 

“When was the last time we had time to ourselves?” Sun Ye asked thoughtfully as she leaned into my shoulder.  “Time like this where we have a few days without any obligations whatsoever, no dire work on the horizon.”

 

“Um have we ever had time like that?” I joked playfully back. 

 

“It certainly feels like that sometimes.  I mean, we have dated for a long time, granted not recently, but still.  We really haven’t just gone out and enjoyed ourselves like a normal couple very often.”

 

My eyes broke away from the small kids falling on the ice to look at Sun Ye.  Her nose was shining red from the cold air and I leaned down and kissed the tip of it where it poked out over her scarf.  I could see the red from her nose spread to her cheeks at my loving gesture.

 

“We’ve never really done things the normal way.  It is one of those things that comes with superstardom.  If the record label gives you time to think, you might consider leaving the stressful business altogether.  This way they keep us tired and submissive.”

 

“Yubin!  Stop being so depressing on our nice date out!  Can’t we just sit here and enjoy the moment?”

 

I chuckled lightly at her choice of words.

 

“Enjoy the moment?  That sounds like something that I would have said a few years ago.”

 

Sun Ye fell quiet and we sat there listening to sounds of the children washing over the silence of the park.

 

“We really did change so much in our time apart,” she whispered.

 

It honestly was impressive.  We had spent three years growing apart and evolving as artists and people.  Sun Ye had grown stronger and more independent; I had become moody and withdrawn.  Yet, despite all of that the second we saw each other again there was that undeniable spark between us.  My fingers squeezed Sun Ye’s lightly in my pocket where our hands were still intertwined.  Our fingers fit perfectly together. 

 

“It doesn’t matter how much we change,” I said quietly in Korean.  “Some people are just made to be together, no matter what.”

 

I turned and rested my chin on the top of her poofy hat.  She buried her head into my shoulder and I just sat there holding her for a few minutes.  Eventually she bounced to her feet and I could have sworn that I saw tears dancing in her eyes. 

 

“Sun Ye…”

 

“Come on!” she said perkily as she held her hand out for me to hold again.  “Let’s keep walking for a bit and then go buy some food for dinner.”

 

My hand instantly found hers again and our fingers slid into place.

 

We were definitely one of those couples that were meant to be. 

 

 

==========

 

 

I piled the last of the groceries on the counter and started unpacking the bags with Sun Ye.  Our day had been really normal so far.  We had finished our walk in the park and had gone to the grocery store near my apartment to buy ingredients.  It was perfect.  I really couldn’t think of a better way to spend time with Sun Ye; just talking and enjoying her company like a normal couple would.  Most other couples would have been bored with our banal day, but both of us reveled in its simplicity.

 

Sun Ye unpacked the vegetables onto the counter top and I reached up into the cabinets to pull out the cutting board and pans.

 

“Ready to do some good old fashioned cooking?” she asked me with a smile.

 

“You know it!”

 

We dove into the dinner preparation, just like we used to so many years ago when we cooked for all the Girls.  Sun Ye added spices to the jeongol stew we had going on the stovetop and started to pan-fry some meat.  I grabbed a knife out of the drawer and pulled the vegetables out of the bag to prepare. 

 

“So since we really haven’t had a chance to talk about things since getting back together…”

 

“And whose fault do you think that is?” Sun Ye asked me with a devilish grin.

 

I fought the blush that was rising to my cheeks.  Sun Ye certainly could deal it out more than she could in the past.

 

“You know that you are just as much to blame for that as I am.  I don’t ever hear you saying no,” I replied as I pointed to her with my knife.

 

Now it was Sun Ye’s turn to blush.  She turned to face the pork in the frying pan to try and hide the red rushing to her cheeks.

 

“Anyway,” I continued.  “Do you cook for yourself in Korea?  Or are you so big and famous there that you have a chef who attends to your dietary whims?”

 

“Hah.  Hardly.  I would usually just grab something fast on the way to the studio or wherever else I went that day.  Or just skip meals altogether.  It was basically the same pattern we had when we were all in Wonder Girls.  But sometimes I would have a weekend off and I would have Ye Eun or Sun Mi and So Hee over and cook for them.”

 

“Hmm.”

 

It hurt a little bit to hear about the interactions that Sun Ye still had with the other Girls.  The only contact I had with them lately was with Ye Eun and that was something I rather wished I would forget about due to Sun Ye’s nagging.  I hadn’t spoken to Sun Mi and So Hee since the day I walked out on all of them.  Sometimes I couldn’t help but wonder how they would act if we met up again. 

 

“You apparently cook a lot for yourself though.  This is a really nice kitchen you have,” Sun Ye broke me out of my musings.

 

“Oh.  Uh not really,” I stuttered.  “I usually am out pretty late so I tend to just grab food at the Def Jam café.  The nice kitchen came with the nice apartment, but it mostly just gets used for making coffee and tea.”

 

Sun Ye watched me out of the corner of her eye as she stirred the jeongol. 

 

“You were thinking about them weren’t you?” she asked quietly.

 

There really was no point in hiding anything from her.  She always knew exactly what I was thinking, no matter how hard I tried to cover it up.

 

“Yeah,” I said as I put down my knife.  “I think about them a lot actually.  Like little things, like what ridiculous comment Sun Mi would say when she saw my longer hair.  Or the judging look So Hee would give me for my urban fashion choices.”

 

She continued to stir the jeongol slowly.  I gathered up the vegetables I had cut and dumped them into the stew.

 

“I think you are too harsh on yourself.  They miss you too.  I know that they tried to avoid mentioning you around me, but Ye Eun told me that they would ask her about you and how you were doing in America all the time.  Plus Sun Mi bought your albums when they came out in Korea.  She bought an extra set for So Hee too.”

 

I smiled slightly at the thought of the energetic Sun Mi pushing a set of my CDs into her apathetic friend’s arms, but it didn’t distract me from the rest of what my girlfriend had just revealed.  My eyes lighted upon Sun Ye as she quietly continued to prepare the food.  There was another key fact that she had dropped in her story there.

 

“So they couldn’t mention my name around you huh?” I said as I slipped my arms around her waist.

 

“Urgh you are so egotistical Yubin.  You know how much you affected me back then.  You just want to hear me say it again.”

 

She half-heartedly tried to push me off of her and continue her cooking, but I just held her closer.  My lips were drawn to her delicate neck as I kissed my way down its smooth stretch. 

 

“How about how much I am affecting you right now?”

 

My husky voice obviously did exactly what I had hoped it would.  Sun Ye shivered lightly in my arms. 

 

“Yubin… We are in the middle of making dinner right now.”

 

“Dinner will still be here in a few hours.  It’ll give the vegetables a chance to marinate.”

 

Sun Ye turned around in my arms to face me.  I barely registered a pout on her face before I moved in to kiss her.

 

“That’s just going to be your excuse every time now isn’t it?” she murmured into my mouth.

 

Talking and dinner were the last things on my mind right now.  I tilted my head slightly to deepen our kiss.  Sun Ye’s tongue teased at my lips.  My mouth parted and I let her enter my mouth.  Our tongues danced together; another way we just seemed to fit perfectly.  Sun Ye backed up slightly into the stove, making the pots and pans rattle.  My hand darted out and flicked the knobs on the stove to off without even breaking our kiss.  Once a possibility of a fire was averted I returned my hands to exploring Sun Ye.  They trailed their way down to her lower back to rest at her waist.

 

“Think fast,” my husky voice commanded.

 

I gripped her sides and lifted her into the air.  She gasped into my ear and wrapped her legs around me.  Our lips found each other again instantly.  We barely skipped a beat as I carried her back to the bedroom. 

 

“You were right, I never can say no to you,” she murmured as we both tumbled to the bed.

 

 

==========

 

 

A grin broke out on my face as Sun Ye’s light breathing pulled me back to consciousness.  This was definitely something I could get used to waking up to; better than that annoying alarm clock any day.  I reached out and grabbed Sun Ye’s slim waist to pull her a little closer to me.  She cuddled into my chest instinctively.

 

“What time is it?” she murmured, the vibrations against my skin making me heat up.

 

I propped myself up on my elbow to glance over at the clock before settling back into bed with my adorably sleepy girlfriend. 

 

“Just about six AM,” I whispered back.

 

She reached up and rubbed the remnants of sleep out of her eyes.  I quietly smiled at her as she curled up in my arms again. 

 

“We’ll never be able to sleep in, even on our days off.”

 

“Nope.  I guess not,” I said with a chuckle.  “Waking up early just comes naturally to us now.”

 

Sun Ye arched her eyebrow at me. 

 

“And it wouldn’t be as bad if you let me sleep sometimes.  Honestly, being your girlfriend is so exhausting.”

 

My fingers tickled at her ribs under the sheets and she laughed at my teasing touch.  I grabbed her chin and tilted her head up towards mine and kissed her lightly on the lips.  She grinned into my kiss and I could feel her hands skirting up the skin on my back.  Just a normal morning in bed with her and I still felt tingly all over.  God I loved this woman.

 

“Well I guess I better get your morning coffee ready since you are so tired,” I said huskily as I eased myself out of her arms. 

 

She pouted slightly before she followed me out of bed.  I gathered some of my clothes off the floor of my room and threw them on as I headed out into the kitchen.  My body went through the well-practiced motions of my morning routine and started up the coffee machine and teakettle.  Sun Ye shuffled by me and grabbed two bagels out of the bag on the counter and put them on a plate.  With a begging look at the coffee machine she took our breakfast out into the living room and sat on the couch. 

 

“Your coffee is ready madam,” I sang as I poured her a mug.

 

Sun Ye smiled at me in thanks and clicked on the television for our morning news.

 

“-and in what promises to be the juiciest news of the holiday season, power rapper Yubin has finally been spotted with a main squeeze and sorry boys, she doesn’t seem to be interested in your gender.  Instead she seems to be hooking up with her duet partner the rising star Sun, who is quite definitely a female.”

 

The mug slipped out of my hand and my mind vaguely registered the tinkling sound of it shattering on the kitchen floor.  My eyes were glued to the television where a picture of Sun Ye and I kissing behind the stage at the charity show was plastered on the morning news. 

 

“The two were spotted kissing back stage at the Christmas Charity Concert, the photos of which were only leaked a few hours ago.  They were quickly followed up with the release of more pictures taken by the paparazzi of the two seemingly on a date in Central Park.  This comes as a great shock to fans and rivals of the rapper alike, as she has never revealed much of her private life or has ever been caught doing anything tabloid worthy in the past.  It seems that new singer Sun has also secured herself a spot in the limelight for quite some time after only just revealing her identity.  We will be keeping everyone updated as new information develops in this… incredibly sexy situation,” the newcaster joked with a grin.

 

“You’re on the news,” I croaked.

 

The color had dropped completely out of Sun Ye’s face.

 

“I’m on the news,” she whispered.

 

BZZT BZZT BZZT

 

Within seconds both of our phones were going off.  I darted forward and grabbed the buzzing object.  A glance at the front panel confirmed that it was Joe.  I flicked the phone open and held it up to my ear.

 

“Joe I-“

 

“Yubin I could say so many words at you right now, but I don’t have the time.  The paparazzi definitely know where you live and within a few minutes you are probably going to be swarmed.  Don’t open your door for anyone except me and definitely don’t go outside.  They already have pictures of Sun going home with you last night, so if she is still in your apart-“

 

I clicked my phone shut and my head whipped around to face Sun Ye.  Her eyes darted to me as she listened to her manager yelling at her through the phone.

 

“You have to get out of here,” I commanded her.

 

“My manager just said the same thing,” she said as she hung up. 

 

She ran back to my bedroom and I followed.  Sun Ye stormed around the room grabbing whatever possessions of hers she could see in plain sight and threw them into her bag.  Within a minute she had cleaned up most evidence that she had been spending the past week with me.  She charged past me through the hallway and ran to the door to throw on her winter gear and shoes. 

 

My blood was running cold in my veins.  This was happening.  It was really happening.  And all I could do was watch Sun Ye go. 

 

“Sun Ye… I-“

 

“Yubin,” she cut me off urgently.  “My manager said that I have to stay away from you.”

 

Correction.  My blood was frozen.  How could I have been so careless?  It was my fault that this was happening to us, just when everything was okay again.

 

“I agree with him,” she continued.  “For now at least.  He wants me to cut off all contact but um… just check your email okay?”

 

With that I watched her open the door a crack and slip out to avoid the paparazzi.  I don’t know how long I stood there staring at the door after she was gone.  My mind seemed to have shut down completely.  All my thoughts just got cut off midstream, everything getting interrupted by the single fact that Sun Ye was gone.

 

After an indeterminable amount of time I made a sudden dash to my bedroom.  And my computer.

 

 =========

 

 

 _To:[snow_white_funk@defjam.com](mailto:snow_white_funk@defjam.com)_

 _From:[first_snow@interscope.com](mailto:first_snow@interscope.com)_

 _Re:  That One Defining Moment_

 _~Yubin_

 _Dammit._

 _I don’t usually swear, but for the past few hours that is the only word that has been looping through my mind.  I had an impromptu meeting with everyone on my side of the label.  They aren’t happy with us, with me.  They are considering withdrawing my preparations for solo debut, even though we have most of the songs written and ready to be recorded.  I think they are even more upset that it was with the Def Jam golden girl.  They are ordering me to stay away from you and deny everything so that you can break through this scandal.  My manager has been watching me like a hawk all day, making sure that I haven’t been in contact with you.  I finally managed to sneak off with my laptop, but I can’t be on long._

 _Don’t think for a second that I am going to listen to what they are saying._

 _We said it ourselves today Yubin, we’ve changed.  In the past I would have been totally freaked out about this public outing.  I’m going to admit; I’m still terrified, but I know that I love you more than that fear.  I experienced a life without you there and it wasn’t worth living.  No matter what the record label throws at us, know that I will still be here for you.  Waiting._

 _I have no regrets risking my US debut for this; I mostly came to America for you anyway.  But I know how much you love your US singing career.  You have so much more to lose here than I do.  The old you would have stepped forward and brazenly admitted to everything and challenged the authorities for our love, but again, we’ve changed haven’t we?  I understand that you might pick your rapping over me._

 _Yet I can’t help but hope that you choose me._

 _Manager is coming._

 _Dammit._

 _The distance means nothing; I’ll always be with you,_

 _~Sun Ye_

 

 

 


	9. Chapter 9:  Re: The Weight of Decisions

I blinked sleepily as light hit me in the face.  A groan escaped me and I rubbed my eyes to try and get rid of the piercing pain that pulsed behind them.  It was practically unheard of for me to wake up after the sun had already risen.  I wasn’t too surprised at the light beaming in through the window though.  For the life of me I couldn’t actually remember when I finally fell asleep last night.  The last thing I remembered was checking my email for the thousandth time, hoping for something more from Sun Ye.

 

In fact most of my yesterday had consisted of doing just that.  I had sat in front of my laptop all day, constantly refreshing my inbox for new mail.  All I had gotten was one message from her a few hours after she had made her escape from my apartment.  Apparently her manager had succeeded in keeping her separated from me in every way possible.  I was even too worried that he would intercept my message to email her back.  Instead of taking action I had just sat there uselessly on the floor of the bedroom with my laptop and my television. 

 

Things hadn’t gotten any better after Sun Ye had left my apartment.  The television was covered with the story of our relationship on every music and news channel.  I hadn’t gone outside and I still couldn’t escape it.  By the end of the day the reports were flashing pictures of us backstage at the Charity concert, us holding hands and cuddling in the park, and us entering my apartment building together for the night.  Joe had only called me once more, when the second wave of pictures went public.  Even then it was just to call me an idiot and then hang up.  I had spent the rest of the day alone, trying to absorb everything that had happened in such a short period of time and waiting for Sun Ye to mail me. 

 

Sun Ye.  My bed suddenly felt very open and empty without her next to me.  When had I gotten so used to waking up with her beside me?  Everything felt so wrong this morning.

 

I dragged myself out of bed and dared to check the time on the clock.  9:30AM.  Damn.  I really had slept in for once.  Urgh.  My morning routine was completely shattered.  The best I could do was try to pick up the pieces.  I skipped my shower and headed out to the kitchen to make my morning tea.  My hand instinctively grabbed the coffee maker and my heart twinged.  There really was no need for that today.  With a sigh I put the solitary teakettle on to boil and made myself some tea. 

 

My mind told me that it was time to turn on the morning news, but I quickly quieted that voice.  Watching the news would only bring back things that I really didn’t want to focus on right now.  I grabbed my fresh mug of tea and collapsed with it onto the very empty living room couch. 

 

Sun Ye.  Dammit.  I was obviouslyy very affected by something as little as her not eating breakfast with me.  Which just brought me back to the very difficult decision I was facing.

 

Management didn’t want us to be together.  It went against my rebel rapper image and was a bad publicity start for her RnB career.  So if I had to choose between my carefully cultivated American career and Sun Ye… which would I pick?  I was so proud of what I had managed to achieve in the US on my own.  Sure I loved Sun Ye, but should she win out over the years I spent on becoming the top rapper in America?

 

Urgh.  How stupid.  I felt like a terrible person for even questioning my love for Sun Ye.  So rather the issue was if I could somehow work things so that I had both Sun Ye and my career intact.  It was bad enough that I had been careless enough to not notice the paparazzi around us since we had gotten together.  It was my fault we had gotten spotted in the first place.  I had always been so good at ducking away and avoiding them in the past.  Guess with Sun Ye it was different from my flings.  I was far too blinded by my emotions and it didn’t just drag me down this time. 

 

“Sun Ye… I’ve ruined your debut haven’t I?” I whispered quietly to myself.

 

BZZT BZZT BZZT

 

The loud buzzing of my cell phone interrupted my complicated train of thoughts.  I didn’t even need to look at the caller ID to know who would be trying to contact me right now.

 

“Hey,” I answered apathetically.

 

“Yeah don’t unenthusiastically ‘hey’ me Missy,” Joe sassed me back.  “I’ve been working my butt off on our end with all the higher ups on the label to try and fix all of this.  Obviously you can’t just sit in your apartment avoiding everything for the rest of your life, you know.  We have basically reached a decision on our end.  I would rather not talk to you about it on the phone and I don’t want you caged up there with the paparazzi swarming everywhere.  I’ve already sent a car over for you.  The driver just informed me that he is outside waiting for you, the same black sedan as always.  The people waiting for you outside will obviously get pictures of you, but take no questions and get straight in the car.  Got it?”

 

“Got it.”

 

“Good.  Now go for it,” Joe commanded as he hung up.

 

I shoved my phone in my pocket and headed to the closet for my winter gear.  Bundling up wasn’t gonna help me against the swarm of cameras that waited for me outside, but it was somehow like I was dressing up for a war.  I needed those for some sort of protection.  Plus I looked absolutely terrible after my late night with little sleep and no chance to clean myself up. 

 

Time to brave the storm.  I flung open my door and quickly locked it before heading off to the fire escape at the side that no one ever noticed.  Luckily the paparazzi hadn’t found their way into the building yet.  That was a good sign.  I should be able to return home tonight if they weren’t inside the complex itself. 

 

I snuck out the door at the side of the building and glanced around to see the black sedan waiting for me in the pull through in front of the complex, complete with at least 50 prowling reporters and paparazzi.  Any false move and I would be swamped to the point where I would be unable to reach the car.  My phone vibrated in my pocket and caused me to jump slightly.  I pushed the silent button to ignore the call; I was too high strung to deal with people right now.  With a deep breath I started my dash to safety.  It only took a few seconds for the mass to notice me running to the car. 

 

“Yubin would you care to comment about your illicit affair with the new singer Sun?”

 

“How long has this relationship been going on?  Since you recorded your duet?”

 

“Are you going to see her right now?”

 

Joe’s words to leave the paparazzi alone echoed in my head and I pushed past them to yank open the car door.  Once I was safely inside the car and traveling away from my tormentors I breathed a sigh of relief.

 

I had this to look forward to every day in the foreseeable future.

 

 

 ==========

 

My fingers ran through my hair nervously.  The ride over to Def Jam had been very stressful and had mostly consisted of me trying to make guesses at what Joe had in store for me at this meeting.  It probably wasn’t going to be anything good if he didn’t want to talk with me about it on the phone. 

 

I turned down the hallway toward our usual meeting spot and saw Joe pacing nervously in front of the glass-walled lounge. 

 

“Thank God you made it here!” Joe yelled as he darted over to me.

 

“Yeah there were paparazzi everywhere, just like you said.”

 

Joe nodded and grabbed my hand to lead me into one of the smaller meeting rooms in the hallway.  He pushed me inside and then locked the door behind us.  I rolled my eyes at him to let him know I thought his secrecy was overkill and then took a seat at the table in the room.  Joe followed my lead and sat down next to me.

 

“Yubin, I know I’m supposed to be taking the hard-edged manager route and yell at you for being so stupid about your private life, but… mostly I am just hurt.  I thought that we were different from the normal star and manager dynamic.  We were supposed to tell each other everything so there would be no surprises like this between us.  It was our promise remember?”

 

His depressed voice made me feel even worse than I already did.  I had only been thinking about Sun Ye and myself lately, I hadn’t even thought about how this was going to effect Joe.  He was supposed to be my best friend.  Damn.

 

“Joe… I’m so sorry.  I never meant to keep you on the outside like that, but it just sort of happened that way.”

 

“God Yubin!” Joe flailed in his seat.  “This is so out of the blue!  I thought you hated the girl from the way you treated her!  You wouldn’t even go near her for weeks.”

 

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.  If Joe really was my best friend then I shouldn’t hide anything from him anymore.

 

“Joe, Sun Ye is special.  She’s… the one.”

 

He leaned forward in his seat and stared at me curiously.

 

“What do you mean the one?  Wait… Do you mean the one girl you said you ever loved?  The one who broke your heart in Korea?!”

 

I nodded my head weakly.  Joe slid back in his chair in shock.

 

“Damn.”

 

“Yeah so you can understand why I was a little standoffish around her at first.  But Sun Ye and I, we just have this… attraction.  It is just always there and neither of us can deny it, you know?”

 

Joe shook his head sadly.

 

“No I don’t know.  That’s the kind of feeling you have once in a lifetime Yubin and I haven’t been lucky enough to find that yet.  Plus it makes what I have to tell you now that much harder.”

 

“What did the label decide?” I asked quietly.

 

“It’s not good Yubin,” Joe said sadly.  “They are really unhappy about the outcome of your scandal.  It basically blows your entire mysterious bad girl rapper image out of the water.  Being gay in America is more accepted than it used to be, but not in the circle you are running in right now.  At first the higher ups thought it was all a wash and wanted to terminate your contract-“

 

“What!?  They can’t do that!”

 

“Yeah I know.  I pointed out how unfair that was to them.  They agreed, but they want to make sure that this isn’t something that will happen again.  You would have to go in public and deny that the pictures are of you; most of them were from poor angles and could be argued against.  This would mean that you would have to stay completely away from Sun Ye though, just act like she is another artist you collaborated with for your repertoire.”

 

“And what would happen to Sun Ye?” I questioned.

 

“She… is a new artist Yubin.  All she has to stand on in America is her duet with you.  She hasn’t even released an album yet.  I think they are planning on severing her contract soon.  She will probably go back to Korea and continue her music there.”

 

“…I don’t like this deal.”

 

“Yeah I know.  But it is the best one you are going to get.  Look, they don’t expect an answer right away, so take your time for the next few days and think about what you want to do here.  Knowing that Sun Ye is that girl from before…”

 

I buried my face in my hands.  We were backed against the wall.  They really wanted to force me to choose between my love and my career. 

 

“It’s just… I don’t know what to do Joe,” I whispered into my hands.  “I don’t want to have to choose.”

 

Joe scooted his chair closer to me and draped his arm across my back comfortingly.  His warm presence was actually comforting.  At least I wasn’t entirely alone on this.

 

“Whichever you choose Yubin I’ll be behind you the whole way.  I’m just sad I couldn’t help you sooner than this.”

 

I patted Joe on the shoulder in thanks and then stood up.  I couldn’t just sit here; waiting around for the hammer to fall was too stressful.  My phone vibrated in my pocket again and I used it as an excuse to get out of there.

 

“Um someone is calling me,” I said lamely.  “I should probably go take this.”

 

“Just remember to stay away from Sun Ye for now.  Getting caught with her again could make things worse than they already are,” Joe warned.

 

I nodded silently and stepped out into the hallway.

 

 

 ==========

 

I stayed close to the wall and glanced out into the hallway to check if anyone was walking by.  The coast seemed clear for now.  I darted down the hall and checked in the windowed lounges for the person I most wanted to see right now.

 

My phone had been a convenient excuse to get out of that meeting room with Joe.  As nice as it was to finally be able to talk to him about Sun Ye, it just made me want to see the girl herself.  The Interscope offices were just a few floors down from the Def Jam ones.  The risk of getting spotted by a stray photographer without even leaving the building was small, but I could deal with that.  If they didn’t want me to be caught with her again then I would just have to be as sneaky as I could.

 

A familiar shaggy haircut caught my eye in one of the Interscope lounges.  My heart jumped a little in my chest as I took in the sight of Sun Ye curled up on a couch watching television.  No one else was in the lounge.  This was my chance.  I opened the door quietly and dashed over to where she was on the couch.  She hadn’t noticed my entrance so I tapped her lightly on the shoulder.  Sun Ye jumped slightly in her seat at the contact, her eyes widening as she realized what was happening.

 

“Yubin!?  You can’t be here right now.  You will get in so mu-“

 

I held up my finger to my mouth to motion her to be quiet.  She instantly silenced all her complaints and I grabbed her hand.  Her fingers tightened around mine and we snuck out of the lounge.  I lead her down the hall and into one of the stairways that no one used.  The second we were safely hidden in the shadows of the stairs I wrapped my arms around Sun Ye.

 

“I’ve missed you so much,” I murmured into her hair.

 

“It’s only been a day,” Sun Ye said quietly with a chuckle.  “Just a day away from me and you already look terrible.”

 

My nose wrinkled at her subtle jab.  Figures she would notice how disheveled I was from my terrible morning.  I pushed back out of the hug slightly to kiss her.  She leaned into it for a few seconds before breaking away.

 

“Again, you shouldn’t be here right now.”

 

“I couldn’t visit the castle where I knew they had you locked up without trying to save my princess,” I said with a wry smile.

 

She punched me playfully in the arm.

 

“Did you have a meeting with Def Jam ye-“

 

The buzzing of my cell in my pocket interrupted Sun Ye’s question.  I growled as I pulled out the noisy object.  The stupid thing had been going off all day and I really didn’t want to have to take this call in front of Sun Ye.  I held a finger up for her to wait a moment and walked to the corner of the stairwell to take the call.

 

“Hello Nel,” I greeted the caller carefully.

 

“Yubin we have to talk,” the girl’s perky voice answered.  “I know you are probably going through a lot of issues with your label right now over your scandal, but I just want to make sure that… you know.”

 

I sighed.  This had been happening all day.  The various other girls that I had spent the night with in the past all wanted to make sure of the same thing.

 

“Don’t worry Nel.  I won’t rat you out to the reporters.  I was the one stupid enough to get caught.  There is no reason for me to drag you into this nightmare too.”

 

“Good ‘cause I just got back together with my husband and I really don’t want him to find out this way.”

 

“The secret of our night together dies with us.”

 

She breathed a sigh of relief into the phone.

 

“Thanks Yubin.  Um good luck with everything.  I’ll be rooting for you.”

 

I thanked her and hung up the phone.  When I turned around Sun Ye looked unimpressed.  She crossed her arms and arched her eyebrow questioningly at me.  Damn this woman and her sixth sense.

 

“Okay fine,” I admitted.  “I’ve been getting calls all day from some of the other girls I uh… have spent time with in the past.  They all want to make sure that I’m not going to go to the press and speak about them too.”

 

“You are too popular for your own good,” she said with a pout.

 

Sometimes she was too adorable for words.  I reached out and pulled her towards me by the collar of her jacket.  Sun Ye leaned in and rested her forehead against mine.

 

“Did Def Jam make a decision?” she asked quietly.

 

“Yeah.  They don’t want me to see you anymore.  I’m supposed to deny that it is me in the pictures and move past the whole scandal… and leave you behind.”

 

She let out a deep breath that tickled my face.  Sun Ye was smart.  She probably realized exactly what that meant for her.  She was the sacrifice for my career in Def Jam’s escape plan for me.

 

“I don’t like the plan,” I added quickly.  “To make me choose between you and my career is just-“

 

My phone buzzed noisily again in the quiet of the stairwell.  I let out an exasperated sigh as I yanked it out of my pocket once more.  Sun Ye looked even more upset and immediately plucked the object out of my hand.

 

“Hello?” she asked angrily into the phone.

 

My eyes grew wide as I realized what she was going to do.

 

“No this isn’t Yubin, Stefani.”

 

Sun Ye covered up the receiver and mouthed an ‘are you serious?!’ at me.  I ran my fingers through my hair and gave her a sheepish smile.

 

“I’m answering her calls for her because she is tired of telling all you girls the same thing.  She isn’t going to go to the press-“

 

She stopped mid-sentence to listen to the caller’s response.  I shot Sun Ye a questioning look, but she just waved me off.

 

“Wait, so you _want_ her to go to the press about the two of you?  Um I don’t think she is really going to want to do that…”

 

I scrambled forward and clicked the cell phone shut.  Sun Ye’s jaw dropped as she tried to form some sort of response. 

 

“It’s like you are sleeping your way through the entire Interscope record label or something,” she said sarcastically.

 

“Okay look, let’s just ignore the past few minutes here,” I said with a sigh.  “I just want to be honest with you.  I don’t know just what I am going to do yet.  The label is trying to make this whole affair very black and white; choose you or my career.  But I don’t think matters of the heart can be broken down that simply.”

 

Sun Ye nodded lightly.  Her eyes shimmered slightly in the darkness of the stairwell.

 

“So what you are saying is that you haven’t actually picked me,” her small voice echoed in the little space.

 

My hand reached forward and pushed her hair back behind her ear so I could see her face more clearly. 

 

“Like I said Sun Ye, it isn’t that simple.  I am going to figure something out for both of us.  I don’t want to lose my years of hard work clawing my way to the top in America and I’ll be damned if you will come crashing down because of me.”

 

She looked at me hopefully and couldn’t help but draw her close again.  I leaned in and kissed her lightly on the lips. 

 

“Give me some time,” I whispered.

 

“I trust you,” she said back in Korean.

 

Sun Ye broke out of my arms and strode towards the exit of the stairwell.  She shot me a sad look over her shoulder before disappearing into the safety of the Interscope offices once again. 

 

 ==========

 

 

 _To:[snow_white_funk@defjam.com](mailto:snow_white_funk@defjam.com)_

 _From:[first_snow@interscope.com](mailto:first_snow@interscope.com)_

 _Re:  The Weight of Decisions_

 _~Yubin_

 _I somehow managed to sneak onto one of the computers in the Interscope offices.  I told the secretary that I had to email my mother back in Korea and she just stepped aside and let me use her desktop.  I hate having to lie like that, but my manager confiscated my laptop and cell phone so there was no other way to get in contact with you._

 _Today has been quite the roller coaster ride, huh?  They still haven’t fully decided what is going to happen with me yet.  My manager has been in and out of meetings all day; sometimes they bring me along, but usually I just sit by myself wallowing in my thoughts.  Which is exactly what I want to avoid doing right now._

 _It really made me happy when you snuck off to visit me today.  Everything just seems so much harder when you aren’t around.  I feel like all the stress from this would just be rolling off of me if we were both holed up in your apartment hiding from the scandal together.  You make me feel so much stronger just by being by my side._

 _But at the same time, being near you makes things harder.  No, not because of all the calls you are getting from past flings.  I accepted that long ago, although some of the people you have spent the night with are quite… interesting.  It is mostly because of that moment where you were with me in that stairwell and you couldn’t tell me that you would choose me over everything else.  Yes, I understand that you want to try and get the best of both worlds and have a relationship and your career, but it still caused the smallest prick at my heart to hear you say it._

 _I think my fate is basically sealed at Interscope unless a miracle happens.  Do what you need to Yubin.  Know that I’ll always be rooting for you._

 _And praying that you will make the decision I want so desperately for you to choose._

 _waiting as long as you need,_

 _~Sun Ye_

 

 

 


	10. Chapter 10:  Re: The Road Less Traveled

My breath rushed out of me in a sigh as I rolled out of my empty bed.  Laying around in bed for those precious few minutes before I had to get up and start my day had been one of my favorite things.  At least it had been when Sun Ye was there to lounge with and tease.  Now it was just lonely and depressing. 

 

I got up and trudged into the kitchen for my morning tea.  As I put the kettle on to boil I hesitantly picked up the remote.  There was no way there was going to be anything good on the news.  The second I turned it on I would be assaulted visually with my own issues, but something deep inside me just had to know exactly what was being said now.  Joe had been keeping his calls to a minimum to give me space to think about what I was going to do, so I really didn’t know much about what was going on in the public eye.

 

Despite the fact that I knew all of that I still hit the power button to turn on the television. 

 

“-Def Jam still hasn’t released a public statement regarding the pictures of their star rapper Yubin with another woman, recent up-and-comer Sun.  It was expected that they would hold a press conference to deny the paparazzi’s pictures and accusations of a lesbian relationship between the two singers, but the lack of action on their part has led to a lot of questions on the whole situation.”

 

Great.  So my stalling for time was making everyone just automatically assume it was the truth.  Granted, it _was_ the truth that Sun Ye and I were in a relationship together, but that was exactly what Def Jam didn’t want to be publicized.  I was probably going to get a lot of phone calls later over this.  Time was running out.

 

“The rapper was spotted leaving her New York City apartment yesterday to go downtown to the Def Jam offices.  She was not seen leaving the building that night, so it is possible that the label is keeping her out of the public eye until the scandal blows over.  But I don’t think I’ll be forgetting this one any time soon,” the newscaster said with a smirk.

 

I rolled my eyes and clicked the television off to drink my morning tea.  At least I had proved that I still had the chops to sneak out of the Def Jam building and back to my apartment totally unnoticed.  I made my way over to the couch and sat down.

 

If the press was putting that much pressure on the situation then I probably was going have a lot less time to consider my decision than I had initially been offered.  Def Jam was probably going to demand a response sometime today.  I really was no closer to figuring anything out than I had been before.  Plus being cooped up in my apartment wasn’t really conducive to me thinking straight.  It just made me bitter.  If I was going to make any headway on figuring out what I was going to do about all of this I was definitely going to have to get outside somehow.  Without my annoying cell phone to interrupt me.

 

I chugged the remainder of my hot tea and flew through the rest of my broken morning steps.  If I did manage to get caught I wasn’t going to let the paparazzi see me looking anything less than fabulous.

 

 

===========

 

It had been rather easy to sneak out of my apartment building.  The reporters out front still hadn’t discovered my small fire escape down the side and I used it to leave the same way I had yesterday.  As soon as I was outside I branched off quickly from the building and avoided the crowd out front.  I really didn’t have any particular goal in mind, just walked wherever my feet decided to take me. 

 

The further I walked from my apartment the more clear-headed I felt.  My apartment was far too oppressive, but my mind still couldn’t seem to focus on what I needed it to think about.  It just kept looping back around to the sad vision of Sun Ye when I saw her yesterday.  If I didn’t want to cause any more sadness for her then I really had to figure something out. 

 

A harsh wind blew and a shiver went through me at the cold winter chill.  Well I wouldn’t be able to get any thinking done if my brain was frozen.  I glanced along the street and saw a roadside cart selling coffee and hot chocolate.  That would definitely hit the spot.  I walked up to the stand and ordered a hot chocolate, taking care not to look at the sign advertising coffee.  It would only bring up memories of her. 

 

Once I had my drink I moved off to the edge of the sidewalk and leaned back against the fence.  I pulled down my scarf from where it was covering my face so I could take a sip of the hot chocolate.  It was mediocre at best, but that was about as good as I could hope for from a street cart.

 

“I knew it was you!” came a loud voice from my side.

 

Dammit.  I should never have gotten a hot drink.  With a sigh I turned to the speaker and gave a weary smile.  He looked familiar, but I couldn’t quite place him. 

 

“Oh um, hi!” he stumbled nervously, too shy to really meet my gaze.  “Um I don’t know if you remember me.  I work as a barista in that coffee shop on 5th.  You were there a few months ago with your friend.  For almost a whole day actually.”

 

My eyes widened in recognition.  Huh.  It really was a small world.

 

“Oh yeah.  I signed your apron for you.”

 

He nodded happily, clearly embarrassed that I remembered him from that day several months ago.

 

“I still have that apron.  I don’t wear it though!  I would never want it to get dirty or anything.  Um sorry, I’m babbling.  It is just so cool to be able to meet you again.”

 

Some of the people walking by us glanced at the awkward guy that was staring at me with his puppy dog eyes.  I was definitely getting too much attention for comfort here.  If I let him stand here with me too long I was going to get caught and it would be a terrible end to an already crappy couple of days.

 

“Yeah it’s cool to meet you again too,” I said with a glance around the crowded street.  “But now isn’t really the greatest time for me to be just standing around.  Want to take a walk with me?”

 

That wasn’t what I had meant to say at first, but I didn’t want to be rude to this poor boy that was so obviously my fan.  I gestured for him to follow and we walked into a nearby playground where there were far fewer people since it was early in the day.  He sat down on a swing and I carefully joined him.  There was no such thing as being too cautious lately.

 

“Wow I guess you have to be really careful right now huh?  In fact, should you even be outside?” he asked me with a worried look on his face.

 

I smiled at his obvious concern.  It was nice to know that I still had fans out there who cared about me. 

 

“You sound like my record label,” I said with a chuckle.  “They don’t want me to go out either.  But in the end it really just makes me want to run up and down the streets, you know?”

 

He returned my smile happily.  The poor kid seemed absolutely overjoyed that he was talking to his favorite singer.  This time I was trying to be kind and open too.  It was probably almost too much for him to process.

 

“Yeah.  I’m sorry that all of this is happening to you right now.  Your fan club is in a panic right now.  I keep telling them that it will all work out and be fine, but a lot of them are really worried.”

 

My heart fluttered slightly at that.  What could they possibly be worried about right now?  That I was going to admit to a relationship?  That I was going to come out as gay?  Perhaps running into this barista boy was the best thing that could possibly have happened to me today.

 

“What are they so worried about?” I asked quietly, almost afraid of the answer.

 

The kid looked at me with his puppy dog eyes.

 

“That you’ll stop singing.”

 

Tears threatened to rush out of my eyes.  My fans really believed in me that much?  How could I not have even given them a second thought? 

 

“I don’t want to stop singing,” I replied softly.  “But what if I had to?  What if everything they have been saying on TV and in the papers is totally true?”

 

I braved a glance at him where he twisted playfully on his swing next to me.  He looked off into the distance for a minute.

 

“Ah!  That girl Sun who sang the song with you!  She’s your friend that you were talking with in the café that day, the one with the crush on you.  So if she was the one who liked you… and then the tabloids…”

 

His eyes widened as he put two and two together.  A blush spread across my face.  I didn’t exactly advertise my sexuality.  Sure it was out on the front page of every tabloid for people to see, but they never really _knew_ for sure.   This was the first time I could actually remember revealing this side of myself to someone that wasn’t a close personal friend or a fling. 

 

“And if all of that was true what would you say?”

 

“Are you happy?”

 

I stopped swinging and faced the barista.  There was a question that I never thought would be asked after that reveal.  It sounded so eerily familiar.  I was pretty sure I had asked that question to Sun Ye numerous times in the past to justify our relationship. 

 

“Am I happy?” I asked myself quietly. 

 

He swung patiently next to me, waiting for my answer.

 

“I’m only truly happy when I am with her,” I finally responded.

 

“You know, your real fans will understand,” he said calmly.  “Your old songs were filled with so much sadness over love lost.  They would be so glad to hear that you are finally experiencing something positive.  And sure the press might say mean things and stuff but…”

 

“…but I would always have you guys right?” I finished for him. 

 

The adorable barista boy nodded enthusiastically.  He was too cute.  I wish things were as simple and positive as he made them seem.

 

“Unfortunately it isn’t all that easy,” I said sadly.  “The record label business is a harsh place and they probably won’t let me keep singing if I come out as being in a big, gay relationship.”

 

He gave me a thoughtful look at my comment on Def Jam.

 

“Really?  That seems odd.  I wanted to get a copy of your new album for my friend as a Christmas present, but every single store I went to was sold out.  When I got home I checked the record sales charts online and sales of your album are through the roof since your scandal broke.  All your fansites are buzzing with the news of it.  If this keeps up it will be quadruple platinum within the week.  You are the best selling artist Def Jam has had in years!  Your fanclub is so proud!”

 

Huh.  Def Jam certainly hadn’t mentioned that fact to me.  If my sales had in fact increased since my scandal, there really wasn’t much for them to worry about.  It made me a more valuable commodity than ever.  Definitely one they couldn’t just throw away. 

 

I jumped off my swing and stood in front of the barista.  This kid had been more helpful than I ever could have hoped.  I had some semblance of a plan at least, something that made _me_ happy; something that made Sun Ye happy.  And like he reminded me, that was all that really mattered in the end. 

 

“You have really been cool about this whole thing,” I said sheepishly to my fan.  “Um I would appreciate it if you didn’t tell anyone about this conversation though, at least not until I have a chance to make things right.”

 

He stood up off his swing and grinned.

 

“Trust me, your secret is safe with me,” he said as he held out his hand.  “I’m Jake by the way.”

 

I grabbed his hand and shook it.

 

“And I’m Yubin,” I joked.  “It was nice getting a chance to talk to you again, Jake.  And if I can ever return the favor…”

 

Joe had always told me that doing stuff like this was stupid and he definitely would have smacked me if he knew I was doing it in the middle of this scandal, but I somehow felt like I could trust this doe-eyed fan.  I reached into my pocket and pulled out a pen.  I scribbled my email on my hot chocolate cup and passed it to Jake.

 

“See you around sometime,” I said as I turned and walked out of the park. 

 

I could still hear him fanboying as I reached the corner of the street.  Then I ran as hard as I could back to my apartment where my cell phone waited for me.

 

===========

 

 

The door to my apartment slammed shut behind me.  It was getting harder and harder to sneak in and out of my apartment.  I was fed up with it.  This had to end now.  I darted over to my cell phone and dialed a number I never thought I would have to use.

 

“Put her on the phone,” I demanded to Sun Ye’s manager.

 

“Hah yeah right,” he sneered back at me.  “She is under strict orders not to talk to you.”

 

Time to practice throwing my weight around.  I was going to be doing a lot of it soon enough anyway.

 

“Look I know Sun Ye is standing there next to you right now.  If you don’t want me to bring the higher ups in Def Jam down onto your sorry, little Interscope behind you had better put her on now.”

 

Her manager fell silent for a few seconds and I worried that he was going to call my bluff.  Eventually I heard a shuffle and the click of the phone changing hands.

 

“Yubin!  What is going on?  My manager looks like he is about to breath fire over here.”

 

“Sun Ye,” I said slowly into the phone.  “What is the most important thing to you?”

 

“Your happiness,” she answered without missing a beat.

 

I felt like she could practically hear me smiling in the phone.  This woman totally owned my heart.  She really had become as idealistic as I used to be.  Change was always good.  In fact, I could definitely use some myself right now.

 

“And if I said that my happiness was being with you, without worrying what others thought?”

 

“…I would say that is all I ever wanted to hear,” she said quietly.

 

“Even if it might destroy both our careers in the process?”

 

“Nothing would make me happier,” she replied simply.

 

“Then I am gonna take a big gamble here.  Maybe it will pay off for both of us, maybe we will lose everything.  But I want you to know that you will still have me.  No matter what.”

 

“Yubin…”

 

“You should turn on the television to watch the fireworks,” I said with a grin and I hit the call end button.

 

I took a deep breath and yanked open the door to my apartment and headed toward the stairwell.  Halfway there I stopped and turned back to the elevator.  No point in sneaking around this time.  I pressed the down button and strode onto the lift.  The elevator went quickly down to the lobby, giving me just a few precious seconds.  I opened my phone and hit my first speed dial.

 

“Hey Joe, just wanted to let you know that I’m about to do something really stupid.”

 

“What?!  Yubin… Oh God dammit! If you-“

 

The phone clicked shut in my hand and I shoved it in my pocket without a second thought.  With an annoyingly cheery chirp the elevator doors opened and I walked out into the lobby.  I could see all the reporters and paparazzi swarming through the glass doors of my apartment building.  The second they saw me walking toward them they started struggling to get past the lone security guard.  The poor guy looked just about ready to cry.  I made a mental note to give him an extra large Christmas bonus and then walked out into the mess of people.

 

Once the doors to the building had slid open I could hear the loud barrage of questions being thrown at me.  Cameras clicked and filmed me.  I ignored all the queries being screamed and came to a stop in front of the mass of press.

 

“Yo lend me that would ya?” I asked as I grabbed a microphone from one of the nearby reporters.

 

 All of the press throng suddenly fell quiet as they realized I was about to speak to them all.

 

“So a lot of you guys have been spreading the news that I am in a relationship with the new singer Sun.”

 

They all stood quietly, obviously eager to hear me argue against their evidence.

 

“I just wanted to let you know it is all true.”

 

The clamor of the reporters overpowered everything else.  I shot them all a glare and they instantly quieted down again to let me continue.  Oh this was too much fun, I hadn’t gotten a chance to let loose like this ever since I started to work in America.  I couldn’t resist going over the top and pointed straight into the camera for emphasis.

 

“I just wanted the whole world to know that I, Kim Yubin, love Sun.”

 

 Sun Ye was just going to love that part.  I could practically see her watching this live on television and slipping right off the couch.  But I wasn’t done yet.

 

“Also Def Jam doesn’t think that I can be gay and be the top rapper in the country.  I intend to prove them wrong.  And if they don’t want to lose the top performer on their label they might want to get used to that idea.  I won’t be taking any questions.”

 

I turned quickly on my heel away from the impromptu press conference.  They shouted questions at me anyway and swarmed at the security guard holding them back once again.  I made it a few steps away before I had second thoughts and turned back.  I grabbed the microphone back from the reporter again and started speaking in my husky Korean. 

 

“And Min Sun Ye, you better be at my apartment in a few hours.  I’ve missed you too much.”

 

With that I tossed the microphone back into the crowd to return upstairs.  Joe was not gonna be happy with me. 

 

But damn I make a good exit.

 

 =========

 

 

 _To:[snow_white_funk@defjam.com](mailto:snow_white_funk@defjam.com)_

 _From:[YubinLover24@yahoo.com](mailto:YubinLover24@yahoo.com)_

 _Re:  Your epic tv appearance!_

 _OH MAN._

 _Yubin~!  I can’t believe you did that on television!?  You are so totally cool, you really just went for it.  I’m so glad you did what makes you happy.  I could see your eyes shining on that news report and I could tell that you were finally doing what was right for you._

 _And I’m not the only one that is thrilled.  All your fanclub is pretty excited right now too!  Sure there were a few people who stormed off the message board in a huff, but most of your fans are behind you 100%!  We already started a letter and email campaign to Def Jam on how they treated you and sent links to the increased sales records since this all started.  Don’t worry, we have your back!_

 _OH MAN I CAN’T BELIEVE I JUST EMAILED YOU!!!1!_

 _~new president of yubin-unite.com_

 _jake_

 

 =========

 

 

 _To:[snow_white_funk@defjam.com](mailto:snow_white_funk@defjam.com)_

 _From:[first_snow@interscope.com](mailto:first_snow@interscope.com)_

 _Re:  The Road Less Traveled_

 _~Yubin_

 _Sometimes you are so spontaneous I don’t even know what to do with you!  When you went on television and said all of that… I couldn’t believe it.  I think I fell right off the couch in the Interscope lounge.  I can’t even process what was going through your head.  My manager saw it and pretty much ran off screaming into his cell phone.  I think he might be hyperventilating next door right now.  That is just fine with me because his absence finally gave me a chance to get to my laptop and cell phone._

 _Seeing you on television shouting for all to hear that you love me… that’s what you always wanted to do right?  The old Yubin always said that, her letters to me are filled with it.  You finally had a chance to do exactly that.  While the old Sun Ye would be so very upset at what you just pulled, the new me is full of pride._

 _I love you so much Yubin.  Hearing you say the same to me like that made my heart almost explode from happiness.  I must admit that for the past few days I have been a little worried that you might choose your career over me, that you would tell everyone the tabloids were lying and go back to sneaking around to see me.  I’m glad you didn’t choose that Yubin, it isn’t any way to live.  You taught me that lesson so very long ago._

 _Def Jam and Interscope are going to be very upset with the both of us now.  I don’t think we will both get out of this unscathed.  But somehow that doesn’t seem to matter now anymore.  We have each other after all._

 _Wow I sound like a giant, cheesy record, saying the same thing to you all the time.  That’s just how overwhelmed I am with you right now._

 _I also want the whole world to know that I love you.  Next time I get a chance I will say that for everyone to hear too._

 _~ Sun Ye_

 _PS.  I’ll be at your place in an hour._

 

 

 


	11. Chapter 11:  Re: Palm Trees and Peroxide Blondes

A thin arm circled my waist and I felt Sun Ye bury her head into my shoulder.  A smile washed over my face as I calmly listened to her rhythmic breathing, rustling my hair.  It tickled almost unbearably, but somehow it seemed like the most fantastic feeling in the world. 

 

I had Sun Ye back.  The thought just made my smile grow larger.  Things were definitely looking up at the moment.  I arched my neck slightly to glance over at my alarm clock.  6:05AM.  Right on time.  My head fell back onto the pillows and I let my eyes wander down to my still sleeping girlfriend.  She looked so beautiful dozing on my bare shoulder.  Without even thinking, I used my free arm around her to pick lightly at her tousled bed-head.  Everything was back to normal; this was the way we were supposed to wake up every day.  A perfect morning routine.

 

Sun Ye’s eyelashes flittered against her cheek as she roused slightly at my touch. 

 

“Mmm… Morning already?” she mumbled quietly into my shoulder.  “You would think that you would sleep in a little more after your big day yesterday.”

 

My fingers danced through her loose hair and I let out a wolfish grin. 

 

“Somehow sleeping in doesn’t really appeal to me anymore,” I dropped my voice to a husky tone.  “Besides rest is definitely the last thing on my mind right now.”

 

I wrapped my arm around Sun Ye and propped myself on top of her, pressing a kiss to her collarbone.  She drew in a shaky breath and let me nibble my way up her neck.  Usually she didn’t let me do this sort of thing in the morning, but I was okay with the occasional exception to our morning routine. 

 

“Yubin we shouldn’t do this.”

 

Ahhh there it was.  I pulled back to look her in the eyes.  Her mouth was set in a serious line, but her eyes still danced with passion.  It was probably taking all her willpower to tell me to stop.

 

“Seriously, the curtains are open Yubin,” she said with another serious look.  “I know you live on the top floor of this highrise, but if a paparazzi had a nice lens…”

 

I just quirked my eyebrow at her.

 

“NO Yubin.  Urgh you would find that a turn on.  Coming out to the media is one thing, but a leaked sex tape the day following is a whole different issue.”

 

“At least we know we would both look fantastic in it,” I said as I ticked my way across her bare ribs. 

 

Her arm reached out and slapped my wandering hands off herself with a chuckle.  I laughed and just held onto her all the tighter.  She let me cling onto her for a bit, enjoying my embrace just as much as I was, before pulling the sheet up around us.  With a little nudge she got me to follow her off the bed to grab some clothes.  I handed her some pajamas out of my dresser and we both covered ourselves up quickly before heading off to do the rest of our morning routine.  My heart pounded just thinking of the sheer domesticity of it all. 

 

I padded out into the kitchen and put the coffee and tea on just like I usually did.  Sun Ye smiled as she walked up next to me and laced her arms around my stomach. 

 

“It was only a few days and I still missed your coffee so much.”

 

“Really?  I can’t imagine it is anything special.”

 

She let out her tinkling laughter and squeezed me tighter.

 

“Not at all.  It’s quite terrible really, but I can taste your sincerity in it.”

 

What!?  I could tell she was just teasing me, but I was still going to play along with her lightheartedly. 

 

“Whatever, see if I make you any coffee ever again.  Now go make yourself useful and turn on the television while I finish up in here.”

 

Sun Ye unwound her arms from around me and strode over to the kitchen island to get the remote for the television.  She cast me one last questioning look to make sure I really wanted to do this.  I nodded in confirmation.  The whole point of me talking to the press yesterday was that I didn’t want to run away anymore.  Might as well absorb the aftermath.  There was no way Sun Ye wasn’t interested in what was on the news about us now anyway.  She turned back towards the television and clicked it on.

 

“-such an exciting week for news!  Only a few days ago the story broke that famous rapper Yubin had been spotted with another woman, her trainee Sun at Def Jam.  Most of us reporters were expecting her to step forward and deny all allegations of the relationship.  Instead, yesterday she went to the hoards of reporters in front of her building and admitted to everything.”

 

“That took a lot of guts!” the female co-host replied.

 

“Indeed.  It also seemed like it was against Def Jams wishes for her as an artist too, judging from the clip.  Let’s play that again for everyone.”

 

The footage of my declaration yesterday played again on the news and I smiled.  Damn I sounded great.  I had really missed showing off that kind of confident bravado.  I glanced sideways at Sun Ye in time to catch a light blush gracing her features.  It was nice to be able to see her reaction in person, even if it probably wasn’t as fantastic as the first time around. 

 

“A few of our staff members here at MTV translated the line she added at the end in Korean.  Apparently she told Sun to show up at her apartment as soon as possible because she missed her.  Reporters saw the girl show up a few hours later when she pushed her way into the apartment to see Yubin.”

 

“A public booty call?!” the female reporter chuckled.  “That is so incredible.  I knew Yubin was my favorite rapper for a reason.”

 

The male reporter nodded at his co-host.

 

“But Def Jam still hasn’t made an official statement regarding Yubin.  She obviously went against their wishes.  We might be seeing some backlash from her company soon enough, although I wish her and Sun all the best.  They are obviously really happy together.  Also, a few pictures just leaked of a photo shoot they did together before they even recorded ‘SHOCK.’  As you can see, it looks like they were already quite close.  You can’t help but wonder how long this has been going on…”

 

Pictures from our photo shoot when Sun Ye first came to America rolled across the screen.  Okay.  Those definitely didn’t help matters.  The tension between us in those pictures was clearly visible.  Def Jam wasn’t going to be happy that those leaked out to back this all up. 

 

I grabbed our coffee and tea and strode over to where Sun Ye was waiting.  She looked grateful for the dose of caffeine after watching those announcements on the news.

 

“You should probably turn on your cell phone now,” she said as she slowly sipped her hot drink.  “They have to have been calling you for the past half a day.  You can’t avoid them forever.”

 

“Yeah I know.  I don’t want to avoid them anyway.  We are going to do this.  Together.  Besides, shouldn’t you turn on yours as well?”

 

Sun Ye shot me a terrified look. 

 

“You might be ready to face Def Jam, but I’m sure they won’t be nearly as nice to me over the phone as you.  When I you get punished I’m sure I’ll be right there with you anyway.  Together right?”

 

She smiled at me and I nodded confidently.  She was right that only one of us needed to have our phone on for us to get contacted by the label.  They knew we were going to be together anyway.  I walked over to my cellphone where it rested innocently on the coffee table.  With a steadying breath I pressed the power button and turned the device on, giving Def Jam full access to interrogate me.  Just seconds after my phone powered on the screen lit up.  Well that was short lived.  I flicked the phone open and held it up to my ear.

 

“Hey Joe.”

 

“Yubin, I could yell at you for turning your phone off after doing that terribly irresponsible stunt with the paparazzi, but honestly I don’t have the energy at this point.”

 

It was true.  I had never heard Joe sound so utterly exhausted, and I had worked with the man for years.  My heart had a sudden pang of guilt for what I had put him through the past several days.

 

“I’m sorry Joe… I just couldn’t go on like that any longer.”

 

“Whatever Yubin,” he said with a weary sigh.  “It doesn’t matter right now.  I’ve been up most of the night working on this and I really just need you and Sun Ye to come to the building today to talk to you.  Mostly cause I can’t hit you over the phone.”

 

Joe’s pathetic attempt at a joke almost made me chuckle.  He was going to be okay, this was his way of showing it.  I felt a great sense of relief that we weren’t going to lose our friendship over this whole situation.

 

“We’ll be there right away Joe.”

 

“Good.  That means no hanky panky.  God knowing you… You probably just went at it with the curtains open, full view for all the paparazzo in the world.”

 

“GOODBYE JOE,” I said tersely.  Like he knew me so well.

 

“Oh my God!  You DIDN’T.  Please tell me you did-“

 

I clicked the phone shut, effectively cutting off Joe’s complaints.  Why did Sun Ye and him have to agree on everything?  How annoying. 

 

“So I take it we are going to the Def Jam building now?” she asked as she set down her empty coffee cup.

 

With a quick tilt of my mug I chugged down the rest of my morning tea.  We had precious little time to get ready before Joe blew a gasket. 

 

“Yup, time to get ready and head out,” I commanded as I pulled her down the hallway.

 

“Did he yell at you for leaving the bedroom curtain open too?”

 

I stopped mid-step and glared at my smirking girlfriend.  Seriously?  Was she psychically connected to Joe or something?

 

“What the hell… being spontaneous is so much less fun when everyone can just predict my actions anyway.”

 

Sun Ye threw her head back and laughed at me and we continued through our morning routine.  In a few hours we would know what Def Jam and Interscope had planned for us, but right now that thought barely registered with us.  After all, we would be together for it.

 

 ===========

 

 

I took a deep breath as I stared at the glass door on the Def Jam lounge.  Sun Ye squeezed my hand lightly to comfort me.  This was it.  Time to find out what was going to happen to us for my spontaneous outburst yesterday.  My eyes burned into the handle on the door, willing it open, but making no move to step forward and touch it.

 

“Yubin, you should probably just open the door.  It is made of glass and Joe can obviously see you.”

 

My eyes focused through the clear door and saw Joe on the other side.  He tapped his foot impatiently and glared at me.  Dammit.  Why couldn’t we just have normal doors like other buildings?  I rolled my eyes at him and tugged the door open. 

 

“It’s about time!” Joe scolded me the second I walked into the lounge.  “By the way, this is from Def Jam.”

 

He immediately smacked me upside my head with a resounding thud.  I grabbed the back of my head and whimpered.

 

“Was that really necessary-“

 

“And THIS is from me,” he exclaimed as he wrapped me up in a hug.

 

I sighed and smiled as I accepted his embrace. 

 

“I’m so proud of you girl!  A lot of us wish we had half as much courage as you.  Unfortunately now I have to do the typical scolding from the higher ups on the label.”

 

Joe let go of me and sat down at the table in the corner of the room.  Sun Ye and I followed him and sat close together.  Her hand instantly reached out and found mine under the privacy of the table. 

 

“So Def Jam is obviously not thrilled with you right now.  They would have preferred to avoid scandal altogether.  But even they can’t deny the sales charts for your album since this all broke out.  They had to do a second print run already just to meet demand.  Plus there has been a giant influx of mail and messages to the label in support of you.  Sure there is some hate mail too, but you seem to have quite the loyal fanbase.  They are washing away all the haters.  Def Jam offices can’t keep up with all of it.  You are lucky this came out now when people are a little more accepting of the whole gay thing.”

 

I shot a cocky grin at Joe.  So obviously I had made the right gamble. 

 

“That means that I am basically in the clear then?”

 

“I wouldn’t get completely smug about the whole situation yet.  Um… we don’t officially know what the stance on Sun is yet.  The people at Interscope are still arguing about that and her manager seems to have had some sort of breakdown.”

 

“Figures,” Sun Ye said as she shook her head.  “He always was highstrung.”

 

“Well I am gonna step in temporarily and act on his behalf until they work out if he is going to resume his duties or is going to be officially replaced.  Which means that we need to get to work.  With a giant scandal like this, the best thing we can do is ride the free publicity.  We need to get you on television to talk about this as soon as possible.  Is that okay with you?”

 

I glanced at Sun Ye.  Her eyes twinkled and I remembered what she had emailed me before about wanting her chance to talk about her love publicly too.  She was clearly all in for this.  I turned back to Joe and nodded in agreement.

 

“Fine with me.  As long as this pretty lady is going to appear with me too.”

 

“Urgh.  Gag me.  Are you guys gonna be this cutesy all the time now?” Joe joked back. 

 

“What are our options?” Sun Ye asked with a smirk.

 

Joe grinned at us and slammed a stack of papers in front of me, all of them covered with names of programs that had requested an interview with me. 

 

“These are all your options.  All of them are open to have you on the show today.  The second you give the okay they will clear their schedule.  You are basically the hottest entertainment news in the nation right now.  Def Jam can’t cover you up any longer so they at least want to you go out there and make this work for them.”

 

I picked up the papers and shuffled through.  Some of the shows were totally disreputable and would probably only make matters worse, but a great number of the interview requests were from large name, national programs.  My eyes grazed down the list until it hit the name of one particular show.  Sun Ye glanced over my shoulder when she saw me stop looking over the lists.  She chuckled lightly in my ear and I knew she had guessed what show I had picked. 

 

“You WOULD choose that show,” she said with a smirk. 

 

Joe shook his head next to me. 

 

“Yeah, I already know which one she picked too, but I still had to make the list just in an attempt to look like I was doing my job.  I already called her studio last night to say you would be on today.  Your flight leaves in an hour so let’s just go do this!”

 

Sun Ye and I just blinked at Joe in shock.  He really was the best manager and friend that I could hope to have.  I guess in situations like this being predictable was a bit of a good thing.  Sun Ye lightly took the list of shows out of my hands and set it down in front of Joe.

 

“I guess we better get going then.  Hair, makeup and wardrobe on the plane?”

 

“You know it!” Joe said with enthusiasm.  “Let’s go knock the entire country dead!”

 

 

 ==========

 

The plane ride over had been exhilarating.  It brought back all the memories of flying with Sun Ye in the Wonder Girls; being debriefed on the plane, planning our act, getting final touches on our appearance.  Joe had even mentioned the possibility of us all staying on the West Coast for a few days to do interviews and television shows before heading back into our record label’s home territory. 

 

The Def Jam jet was big enough inside that they could wheel on racks of clothes for us to choose from.  Sun Ye went with a simple feminine look with a skirt and classic halter-top.  It made her look absolutely gorgeous with it’s dressed down simplicity and only made it all the more difficult for me to focus and pick out my own clothing.  In the end, I had decided to pick clothes similar to my award show ones.  Referring back to my rapper image wasn’t exactly the best idea right now, so the button down shirt and slacks would be a classy alternative. 

 

We had been rushed through the motions a bit.  The six-hour plane ride was enough time for us to get ready for the appearance, but time was short after landing.  A car had picked us up at the airport and brought us directly to the Warner Brothers lot for filming.  The line of audience members around the building had freaked out as they saw the two of us getting rushed into the studio.  Probably half the Internet knew we were going to be on the show by now.  It certainly didn’t make the wait less nerve-wracking.

 

I looked across the hall to where Sun Ye was getting some finishing touches on her makeup.  We had been all courage on the trip to the studio, but now that we were here it all seemed a lot more daunting.  There had been a certain adrenaline rush to my television confession yesterday that helped me follow through with everything. 

 

Sun Ye however looked more excited than anything.  She had obviously been telling the truth when she said that she had accepted this long ago.  Sometimes I still thought of her as the same terrified girl from back when we were in Wonder Girls, but then she would do something brave like this and completely prove me wrong.  We could all change for the better. 

 

Once she was done with her makeup she walked calmly over to me.  Her hand slipped into mine as we waited at the edge of the stage.

 

“This is quite the exciting couple of days we are having, huh?” I teased lightly.

 

“I would say that we are coping rather well,” she replied with a chuckle. 

 

A silence fell between us for a few seconds.  We were about to do something huge and it was always a little hard to find the appropriate thing to say in that kind of situation. 

 

“So I know they want us to be honest and all, but did Joe mention anything that we aren’t allowed to talk about?” she asked curiously.

 

“Probably wouldn’t be a good idea to mention what we get up to on our late nights at my apartment.”

 

“Noted.”

 

I squeezed Sun Ye’s hand again and waited for a sign from the voice on stage.  It would be any second now that we would make our entrance.  The host’s clear voice rang out into the wing where we were waiting.

 

“Now we have a couple of very special guests on the show,” the strong female voice announced.  “They’ve been in the headlines constantly and just came out admitting the truth to all the paparazzo’s rumors in a rare and brave move.  These are definitely two women after my own heart, so I would like everyone to give a roaring welcome here on the Ellen Show to rapper Yubin and her partner Sun!”

 

The audience burst into cheers and screams.  Out of the corner of my eyes I could see Sun Ye’s stunned face.  This was a very positive welcome, one we didn’t have time to bask in right now.  I tugged her hand lightly and started to lead her out onto the stage. 

 

Bright lights hit us and I had to resist the urge to wince.  Were they always this intense?  The audience only cheered louder, distracting me from the blinding lights.  We made our way across the stage, hands still interlocked.  I could hear a few giggles and ‘oohs’ and ‘ahhs’ from our display of affection.  It made me hold Sun Ye’s hand all the tighter.  It felt really good to be able to do this sort of thing publicly. 

 

Ellen smiled at us and waved us over to the couch in the middle of the set.  I plopped down on the end of the couch closest to Ellen and Sun Ye gracefully sat down next to me on the couch.  I let out a beaming smile to the crowd; this wasn’t so bad.  Nothing to be freaking out about, at least not yet. 

 

“So Yubin, you did something very brave yesterday, would you like to explain for our audience what exactly happened?” Ellen asked with pride.

 

“It was definitely a big day and I can’t really explain the steps leading up to it, but for some reason I got it in my head that I should just go outside my apartment building, stare down the reporters, and just say the truth.  I guess I just had to let everyone in America know that I love this beautiful woman.”

 

I could see Sun Ye’s eyes shimmering in the studio lights as I said it again.  My fingers tightened around her hand and I grinned at her.  The audience cooed at our adorable behavior and I could imagine Joe gagging backstage at our fluffy appearance.  Ellen scooted closer on her chair, clearly excited to have us.

 

“This is quite the history making appearance.  There have been very few gay rappers in the US, and none of them nearly as famous as you.  We had you back on the show a few years ago when you were debuting as a Korean singer in the US and now you are back obviously for your brave coming out entrance.  I hope you don’t think we only have you on the show because you are a minority,” she joked playfully. 

 

“I’m sure it helps,” I said with a grin.

 

“And I don’t want to ignore Sun!” Ellen exclaimed.  “You were on Oprah’s talk show as a surprise guest before you even debuted with the song ‘SHOCK.’  A lot of fans are only just making that connection now.  So tell me, you are obviously very much in love, but back then was there something going on already?  Is Yubin the reason you are in America in the first place?”

 

Sun Ye leaned forward slightly and gave an award-winning smile.  She was only going to expand her American fanbase after this interview.  No one would be able to resist her. 

 

“Well back during the Oprah interview Yubin was somehow still resisting my charms.  It was only a matter of time before she fell though.  I guess you could say that we have a long history together, sort of on again-off again.  Because of our history I would definitely say that Yubin is the leading reason for me pursuing my singing in America, but I would like to think that I could have stood on my own without her name supporting me.”

 

“Oh I’m sorry!  I didn’t mean for the question to come off that way,” Ellen apologized quickly.

 

“No, no.  It’s fine,” Sun Ye assured her.  “I can see where a lot of people might think that all of this is a publicity stunt or something along those lines, but Yubin and I have struggled with this issue for… years.  It feels absolutely fantastic to be able to come clean about it and say publicly that I love Yubin.”

 

She blushed into the camera and instinctively bowed a little in apology.  I hardly even noticed because my heart was already beating faster from her act of daring.  So this must have been how Sun Ye felt when she heard this on television yesterday.  A warm feeling rushed over me.  I definitely had no regrets over this path now.

 

“Sorry!  She got the chance to say that to the cameras yesterday and I just wanted my turn,” Sun Ye apologized.

 

“You have no idea how refreshing it is to see a couple like the two of you in the industry.  I have tons of guests on here and I don’t think any of them have been as genuine as the two of you.  You have great personalities too.  I mean, yesterday when you gave Sun that booty call in Korean.  That was classic!”

 

I leaned forward on my armrest toward Ellen and smirked.

 

“You liked that huh?  That was a bit spontaneous on my part; I should have realized that it would get translated fast enough.  No regrets though, cause it got her to my place fast enough if you know what I mean.”

 

Sun Ye blushed and hit my arm.  The audience chuckled at us and I could barely hear Joe’s words not to mention anything sexy at the back of my head.  Oh well.  We were doing fantastic so far; he really wouldn’t be able to complain much. 

 

“Wow that is totally sexy and I think you two should tell me more about that during commercial break, everyone stay tuned to the Ellen Show where we have special guests rapper Yubin and her partner, both in singing and otherwise, Sun.”

 

Ellen finished the cut off for commercials and leaned forward toward the couch to chat with Sun Ye and me, speaking loudly over the music.  I could barely hear what she was saying, more from the excitement than anything else.  There was something so totally liberating about the whole experience and I could tell from Sun Ye’s vibrant smile that she was just as happy as I was. 

 

 

 ============

 

 

Sun Ye and I stumbled off the stage into the back wings giggling.  The show had gone fantastically.  We had continued to answer questions truthfully and the audience had eaten it all up.  Nothing made them happier than see the two of us together first hand in this lucky television event.  Afterwards we had gone through the stands and signed autographs and taken pictures with them until everyone was satisfied.  Ellen had even pulled us aside and was filled with compliments for the two of us.  She had asked us to come on the show again in the future, especially if we made another single together. 

 

I pulled Sun Ye off to the side and out of the way of all the rushing production crew.  She leaned up against the wall and breathed a sigh of relief. 

 

“Well I would say that went absolutely swimmingly,” Sun Ye said happily.

 

“You were fantastic.  Except for that time you mentioned getting down and dirty with me at night.”

 

 She rolled her eyes at me and pulled me closer to her and out of the way of a rushing assistant.

 

“That was you,” she murmured just loudly enough for me to hear. 

 

“Oh right,” I said with a grin. 

 

Her fingers tightened around my shirt collar and pulled me closer.  I didn’t even think twice about leaning in and kissing her lightly on the lips.  She smiled into my lips and my heart leapt with joy.  We were kissing.  Backstage.  In view of all the rushing employees.  We should have come out about this a long time ago. 

 

“I’ve missed out on a lot of opportunities touching you,” I whispered in between her butterfly kisses. 

 

“Then we just have to make up for lost time.”

 

I reached forward and grabbed her trim waist, fingers twisting into the hem of her shirt.  She leaned forward off the wall and pressed into our deepening kiss.  Her teeth trailed lightly over my bottom lip and I felt a warm rush through my body.  Oh dear.  If she kept teasing me like this we would soon be doing a lot more than kissing in public. 

 

“Oh my God, can’t you guys keep it in check for five minutes?” came a sarcastic voice from my side. 

 

A groan escaped my lips as I broke the embrace with Sun Ye to glare at my manager.  He was ruining our moments on purpose just for his own amusement.  I would definitely have to get back at him somehow. 

 

“What’s up Joe?” I said with a sigh. 

 

“Well someone wanted to meet you,” he said as he gestured to the gorgeous blonde woman standing next to him.  “And you are making a great first impression as usual.”

 

My eyes widened as I realized just who was standing in front of me and I let my eyes fall over her whole figure.  She was definitely prettier than the television lead me to believe.  A small jab in my ribs from Sun Ye let me know that I was staring too long and I stammered out a greeting.

 

“Um hi Miss de Rossi.  I’m Yubin, it’s nice to finally meet you.  I’m… a big fan.  And absolutely terrible at first impressions, as my loudmouthed manager mentioned.”

 

“Don’t worry about it.  And do call me Portia.”

 

She smiled gracefully at me and glanced up and down at me, just like I had just done to her.  Did Portia de Rossi just check me out?  Sun Ye fidgeted slightly at my side.  I couldn’t blame her; this was just getting weird. 

 

“You were really impressive on the show,” she said with a sly smile.  “When I heard that you were going to be the guest I just knew I had to show up at the studio today.  I’ve been a big fan of yours for years. You know, from even before you were gay like the rest of us West Coasters.”

 

I grinned at her teasing, much to Sun Ye’s displeasure.  Okay.  She was definitely flirting with me.  This was such an odd day on so many levels. 

 

“Well thanks, fans are what keep me in my shiny apartment and off the streets.”

 

“Nice to know I am doing my part,” she said with a chuckle.  “Joe was telling me that you will be in Los Angeles for a few days doing interviews.  He already put my number into your phone.  If you ever need to know the ‘hip’ spots in LA just give a call.  You know how my wife and I love to hit the town with all you crazy kids.”

 

She gave a dramatic eye roll to emphasize her sarcasm. 

 

“Great thanks.  Guess having Joe around came in handy this time,” I said happily. 

 

Portia waved at me and strolled off onto the set to find her wife.  I watched her go for a few seconds before another sharp jab from Sun Ye’s elbow brought me back to reality. 

 

“Oh my God!  Was Portia de Rossi just flirting with you!?” Joe exclaimed.  “What are you, like a giant homo lighthouse that just beckons in the gay girls?!”

 

“And what is with you and married women!?” Sun Ye added quickly.

 

“What?!  I don’t ask for this sort of thing!  And I don’t have a thing for married women!”

 

“Yeah whatever.  You should learn how to turn off the allure when you already have a hot girlfriend.  Anyway, you have a ton of other interviews to do and we are going to have you stay here and do a few charity promos for the television network.  Sun Ye is going to come with me so we can check into the hotel and everything.  The guards on set will lead you to the next area.  I’m sure you will be fine for a few hours as long as you keep your hands to yourself,” Joe instructed.

 

I scoffed as Joe started to walk away. 

 

“Like I can turn off this allure,” I muttered like a petulant child.

 

“Yeah I know,” Sun Ye said sexily.  “It’s one of the things I love about you.”

 

She kissed me quickly and then darted off after Joe.  I smiled at the thought of her brief display of affection and turned off in the direction of the security guards that would lead me to the next studio.

 

In the end there was only one girl that made me feel this happy, and it certainly wasn’t one of these LA blondes. 

 

 

 ==========

 

 

 _To:[snow_white_funk@defjam.com](mailto:snow_white_funk@defjam.com)_

 _From:[first_snow@interscope.com](mailto:first_snow@interscope.com)_

 _Re:  Palm trees and peroxide blondes_

 _~Yubin_

 _I borrowed Joe’s blackberry to log in to my email account and write to you.  There really isn’t much for me to do while you finish up those promos.  The hotel is nice, but also a little boring.  I’m sure it will be far more interesting once you get back from work.  Also, it is important to mention that while we do have a room to ourselves, Joe booked the one next door for himself.  That means you are going to have to behave yourself.  Or at least make a small attempt at it.  Perhaps a better attempt than you were making with certain blond Californian actresses._

 _Obnoxious flirting aside, today was exhilarating.  I can see why you were so excited to go in front of the press and declare your love for me.  It was such a rush and just felt all the more… real.  Of course it is perfect when we say ‘I love you’ privately to each other, but there is just something so liberating about being able to say it in front of others.  In this case a whole ton of others since Joe told me that the ratings for Ellen’s show were through the roof, with viewers across the world tuning in to watch us._

 _I’m glad I had a chance to state my feelings for the entire world to hear as well.  And for a split second I thought that I could see the excitement flowing through you just like it was in me.  That you too knew exactly how I felt when I heard you on television saying how you really felt about me.  The thought of that alone makes all our hardship these past few months totally worth it._

 _Interscope still hasn’t called me back.  I’m a little worried about what is taking them so long when promotions with you and Def Jam have already started moving forward.  Oh well, I can wait.  It is all secondary at this point anyway.  I can only hope that today’s interview went over well enough that they are having second thoughts about cutting me from the label._

 _Did I mention that this hotel room is big and lonely without you?  Come back to me soon. <3_

 _your adorable partner in crime,_

 _~Sun Ye_

 

 


	12. Chapter 12:  Re: What Everyone Knows

The sun dripped in through the windows, stinging my eyes.  I buried my head into the soft shoulder next to me to block out the painful brightness.  Sun Ye’s small frame shook lightly as she giggled at my reluctance to wake up. 

 

“Good morning sunshine,” she said playfully, her fingers poking me in my side.

 

I raised my head out of the safety of her neck and braved a glance toward the nightstand to check the time.  My eyes blinked rapidly in confusion as I realized that there wasn’t an alarm clock next to my bed.  Odd.  Why would I have moved my clock?

 

“It’s about seven, Yubin,” she informed me with a gesture to the clock built into the big screen TV across from the bed.  “We are in a hotel remember?  Wow, you are really bad at mornings lately.  And you even got a full night’s sleep.  I’m sure Joe appreciated the fact that we weren’t making noise at least. ”

 

My elbow that propped me up collapsed underneath me and I rolled onto my back to stare sleepily at the ceiling.  Very odd indeed.  Usually I was more upset when my morning routine was shattered.  After all, I was very stuck in my ways.  Yet I felt very at peace this morning, despite the fact that I had woken up in a strange bedroom at not quite the right time. 

 

An arm darted out across my stomach and I grinned, all traces of sleep falling from me.  I slung my arm around my adorable girlfriend as she snuggled into my embrace. 

 

Sun Ye.  She was definitely the deciding factor in my morning routine now.  As long as I woke up with her by my side it would be a perfect day.  Everything else was just secondary. 

 

“So what are we going to be up to today?” Sun Ye whispered into my ear.

 

A smile pulled at my lips.  There was no need for her to whisper like that in the privacy of our hotel room.  She was trying to be sexy for my sake and it was absolutely lovable. 

 

“Well, I hear Joe wants me to do a photo shoot and then an interview,” I whispered in my husky voice.  “What about you?”

 

She lifted her head up from where it was resting on my chest.  There was a hint of sadness in her eyes, but she smiled at me all the same.

 

“Joe said that it might be best if I didn’t do any more interviews with you until we hear back from Interscope.  I think he is getting freaked out by the lack of communication they are having with me too.”

 

“Hah, well you did turn your phone off several days ago,” I said with a chuckle. 

 

Sun Ye shrugged and detangled herself from our embrace.  She slid gracefully off the bed and glanced around our sparse hotel room. 

 

“Whatever.  They have Joe’s number and they know I am with him.  It is starting to look like I might have gotten ‘Hollywood fired.’  Interscope will just avoid talking to me until I get the hint that I’ve been dropped.  Korean companies are so much easier to work with sometimes.  You always know where you stand with them… Say you wouldn’t happen to see a coffee maker would you?”

 

I propped myself up on the bed and looked around the room.  We were in one of the nicer hotels in Los Angeles, but it didn’t seem to have much in the way of amenities.  Obviously coffee maker didn’t rate high on the list of necessary items for a hotel room.

 

“Um… Sun Ye… There doesn’t appear to be one in the room,” I said cautiously. 

 

Her shoulders tensed up instantly at that revelation and she turned slowly to face me.  A strange shadow passed over her face and her eye twitched dangerously. 

 

“There is no coffee…?”

 

A snicker escaped me.  Sun Ye could get so scary in the morning if she didn’t have her morning coffee. 

 

“You do realize that without the hot water from a coffee maker we can’t make your morning tea either.”

 

Crap.  She was right.  I stopped snickering immediately and pouted.  This was terrible.  I needed that tea; it was an integrated part of the start to my day.  So maybe this morning wasn’t so perfect after all. 

 

“This hotel blows,” I cursed angrily as I got out of bed to help Sun Ye with her fruitless search.

 

I stalked over to the closet to check what may be hidden inside there.  Empty.  With a sigh I poked my head around the closet door to watch Sun Ye as she opened a dresser drawer to check its contents.  I smirked.  At least mine was a plausible hiding spot for the missing coffee maker.

 

“So what are you going to be doing while I am out doing all my extensive, exhausting interviews,” I asked as I leaned on the closet door. 

 

“Well I’m not going to sit around in this crappy hotel anymore, that’s for sure,” she hissed as she slammed the drawer shut.  “I figured I would just tag along with you.  You know, basically the same thing I’ve been doing for the past several months.”

 

She continued to look through the dresser drawers as I watched.  That didn’t sound very exciting for her.  This was LA, land of sun, sand, and sexy parties.  Huh.  Now there was a thought.  I walked over to my cell phone and searched the contact’s list for the new entry.  My fingers dashed across the keypad to type a fast text message.

 

“Um it is cool that I tag along with you right?  You somehow don’t seem terribly enthusiastic about the idea,” Sun Ye asked with a sigh, slamming the last drawer shut.

 

“Huh?  Oh yeah, it’s totally fine.  I mean it is a little distracting having my gorgeous girlfriend in arm’s reach when I’m trying to do work.  It was just that I didn’t think you would have much fun following me to all these jobs when your label is totally MIA on you right now.”

 

Sun Ye smiled at me and walked over to my side of the room.  Her hands drifted down to my hips, looping her fingers around the top of my pajama bottoms to pull me closer.  Even without my morning tea, I was definitely feeling more awake now. 

 

BZZT BZZT BZZT.

 

My phone vibrated in the palm of my hand from the incoming text message.  I mouthed an apology to Sun Ye as I flipped my phone open to view the text.

 

 _“Hey~ I’ll text you with the addy of the club.  Glad you’ve decided to have some fun in LA.  Just sorry I can’t be there with you <3  -Portia”_

 

I grinned and flipped my phone shut.  Sun Ye pinched my waist and I glanced up into her expectant face. 

 

“And just who would be texting you at seven in the morning?”

 

“Oh it was just Portia,” I said with a smile. 

 

Sun Ye raised her eyebrow skeptically at me and I wiped the smile right off my face. 

 

“Oh no no no!” I denied as I wrapped my arms around her neck.  “It was strictly business.  She gave me the address of a special club for us to hit up tonight.  So now you have something to really look forward to today.”

 

She gave me a doubtful look.  Clubs had never been Sun Ye’s type of thing, I knew that. 

 

“I don’t know Yubin… A club?”

 

My arms tightened around her comfortingly. 

 

“Hey we have already gone on national television talking about our relationship.  Really what could be scarier than that at this point?  Besides, I hear that this new singer Sun is a fantastic dancer and I want to see her out on the dance floor.”

 

She chuckled lightly. 

 

“Okay fine, you have me there.  We’ll go to this club, but you owe me!”

 

            I released my hold on her and pushed her toward our suitcases. 

 

“Alright then I’ll make it up to you right now.  Get dressed and we will go out to find some coffee.  I know you can’t function properly without it.”

 

Sun Ye reached down and threw a shirt from our bags at my head.  I just barely caught it before it smacked me in my face.  My return pout seemed to have little affect on her.

 

“Nice try Yubin.  You need your morning tea just as badly.  Don’t pretend this a grand gesture just for me.”

 

With a chuckle I started changing into the shirt she had kindly given me.  Tonight was going to be so much fun.

 

 

==========

 

Work had been a rush.  Joe had me running from one interview to the next with hardly a pause in between.  I couldn’t even remember the last time I had been that busy with press events.  Apparently going public with a gay relationship could do wonders for your career.  Go figure. 

 

Sun Ye patiently followed me to each stop.  I could tell she really wanted to be participating in the performances and interviews too.  She had experienced her taste of the stage in America and that wasn’t going to be forgotten so soon.  I didn’t think there was much to worry about though, judging from the hosts we heard on the radio throughout the day there were tons of people clamoring to hear more about the mysterious Sun.  Even if Interscope didn’t know what to do with her, some label would snatch her up. 

 

In the end, the blur of work throughout the day still seemed to last forever.  My mind was in the clouds the whole time; all I could seem to focus on was the fun night out that I was going to have with Sun Ye.  Now that it was finally here I seemed to be more excited than ever. 

 

I glanced over at my girlfriend as she stood nervously at my side.  She fidgeted in her black boots and adjusted her form fitting lace up blouse.  She looked gorgeous, despite the fact that she couldn’t keep still.  Some of the people in the line outside the club glanced curiously at Sun Ye for her restlessness.

 

“You have got to lighten up,” I said with a chuckle.  “I love how you can go on stage to perform in front of thousands of people, but you are afraid of getting down and dirty in a small, dark club.”

 

“It’s not exactly the same thing you know,” she said with a glare.

 

Her fingers trailed nervously through her hair and we shifted ahead a few places in line. 

 

“Here maybe this will help calm you down,” I suggested as I took my fedora from my own head and placed it on her. 

 

She reached up and tugged on the hat curiously.  I just patted it down onto her head. 

 

“There, now you are totally incognito.”

 

“Are you sure Yubin?  I thought this was a part of your elaborate disguise for going out,” she asked me.

 

“Nah, it looks better on you anyway.  Besides, I’ve got these,” I replied as I tapped a finger on my shades.  

 

“Yeah, all the cool kids wear sunglasses at night,” she said sarcastically with a roll of her eyes. 

 

I just grinned back at her as we moved up to the front of the line.  The bouncer for the club glared at us as he checked the tally on his clipboard. 

 

“Sorry ladies, we just filled up,” he said in a gruff voice.

 

“Did you hear that?  They just filled up,” Sun Ye repeated hopefully back to me.  “Guess we better just head home then, too bad.”

 

Oh Sun Ye.  Anything to get out of this.  I rolled my eyes at her, an action she couldn’t even see through my thick shades.  Sometimes hiding my identity had its drawbacks.  If they knew who I was I could probably get into this club in a heartbeat.  Yet something told me I could have a lot more fun with this situation.  Without a second thought I threw my arm around Sun Ye’s waist and pulled her closer to me.

 

“Oh man… did you hear that babe?  We got here too late.  If only we hadn’t gotten so distracted earlier…”

 

I leaned down and kissed Sun Ye’s exposed neck.  Her hand flew up to grasp my hip as I nipped lightly at the skin there.  Really I had expected her to be a little angrier, but from the sound of her exaggerated sigh, she was just as willing to follow my spontaneous lead.  I decided to press my luck a little further and slid my hand slowly up her abs, letting her shirt ride up slightly with it.

 

“But it is just oh so easy to get distracted with you,” I murmured into her neck loudly enough that the bouncer could hear me over the thud of the club music.

 

Sun Ye moaned slightly, putting on a good show for the man.  I glanced at him out of the corner of my eyes.  His jaw was mouthing wordlessly.  We had him. 

 

“Um yeah,” he stuttered.  “I think we probably have room for you guys tonight.  Go on inside.”

 

Sun Ye untangled herself from my arms and strolled right into the club, glad to be done with the show we had just put on for the bouncer. 

 

“Cheers man,” I thanked him as I pulled down my shades to look him in the eye. 

 

I could see his eyes grow large in recognition as I walked on by him to join my pissy girlfriend.  Now he would have a great story to tell his friends tonight and I got to have my fun with Sun Ye to get into the club.  Win win for everyone involved.  Well, except maybe for Sun Ye.

 

“I can’t believe you did that without warning me!” she hissed at me over the music.

 

She frowned at me angrily in the pulsing lights of the club.  I just reached up and pulled the brim of my hat down over her eyes in response.  Sun Ye wasn’t really mad at me; she could never stay angry with me for long.  She fumbled with the hat and pulled it back into its correct position.  I grinned at her and a smile snuck its way onto her face. 

 

“Yeah I knew you loved it,” I teased her.

 

“Urgh, shut up,” she mumbled as a blush darkened her cheeks. 

 

I folded up my sunglasses and hung them off my back pocket before I tugged lightly on Sun Ye’s arm to lead her out into the busy club dance floor.  The lights sparkled, illuminating the crowded area as we weaved our way through the crowd.  If Sun Ye was that nervous about us going out together in public like this, then I would make the transition as harmless as possible.  I nudged her lightly and stopped at the edge of the floor.  The stage was at the other side of the club, so this section of the dance floor blended in with the shadows of the back wall making it a little more private.  My arms tugged her back against myself and I leaned in to rest my head on her shoulder. 

 

“Remember when I took you to a club in New York City all those years ago?” I asked her just loudly enough that she could hear me over the music.  “I had so much fun out there with you, but it didn’t end exactly how I wanted it to end.  So I figured since we are trying to start over and do things right… we could try this again too.”

 

Sun Ye’s hands slid on top of mine on her stomach.  She leaned back further into my arms. 

 

“Yubin, I think you could basically talk me into anything.  And I had fun at that club back then too…”

 

I grinned into her shoulder and lightly kissed the skin of her neck.  The lights gave a bright pulse and the DJ switched into the next song.  All the dancing people around us cheered as the new Miley song started pounding through the speakers.  I peeked up slightly from Sun Ye’s shoulder and watched as the mass of people started gyrating to the beat. 

 

“So are we going to dance or are you just going to stand there holding me all night?” Sun Ye teased.

 

“Can’t I do a little bit of both?” I replied as I started to move to the beat. 

 

Sun Ye followed my lead and swayed her hips with mine.  It wasn’t like dancing in a club was difficult; most of the people on the dance floor with us probably had never had professional dance training of any sort.  They just moved with the rhythm of whatever song the DJ decided to play.  Sun Ye was different though; different from all the people swaying next to us and different from all the other girls I had been in this position with before.  When she gyrated against me nothing else seemed too matter.  Her hips had an extra flick to them from her years of dance training and we both managed to perfectly follow the back beat thudding across the dance floor. 

 

Being with her like this was always the same: absolutely intoxicating.  Everything around us slowly faded away and all I could feel was the pulse of the music seemingly beating in tandem with my heart.  My fingers traced over Sun Ye’s taught abs under her blouse again.  Being able to touch her in public like this and have her totally accept, even enjoy it, was a fantastic experience.  I could feel my body heat up just at the thought of it and I let out a shuddering breath in Sun Ye’s ear. 

 

“You know, with you standing behind me like that I don’t get to have half the fun touching you that you get to have touching me,” she said with a chuckle. 

 

Her left hand continued to stroke my hands on top of her stomach while her other arm stretched up to run her fingers through my hair.  I leaned into her touch, never stopping our movement to the beat.  Sun Ye arched her back slightly against me and turned her head to my cheek.  She sensually pressed a kiss to my cheek, lingering as long as she could.  That familiar heat rushed through my body again at her touch. 

 

We stayed there on the dance floor, gradually integrating more with the pulsing crowd.  My hands continued to draw patterns on the exposed skin of her stomach and her fingers moved restlessly through my black hair.  I wasn’t even sure how long we moved together on the dance floor.  Like the rest of the day, time just blurred together. 

 

The DJ switched the track again and a house remix of ‘SHOCK’ started to play.  I smiled into Sun Ye’s neck as both our voices reverberated around the small club. 

 

“How about we get out of here?” I muttered into her ear.

 

Her fingers laced with my own on top of her stomach and she nodded against my head. 

 

Meh.  Joe could live with a little noise in the room next to his tonight. 

 

 

===========

 

Sun Ye and I stumbled back into our hotel room giggling.  I knew she would have fun out at the club tonight.  It was just one of those things that we had to do.  We had conquered another one of our past relationship issues.  Now Sun Ye was definitely okay about us being out in public now, both on television and in the ‘acting like a normal couple’ way. 

 

I chuckled as I spun her closer to me. 

 

“I had a great time tonight,” she said shyly. 

 

“Of course you did,” I said proudly.  “That’s what dating me is like, a constant stream of great nights.”

 

She leaned in and kissed me lightly on my lips.  I was just about to deepen the kiss when my phone buzzed in my pocket.  With a frown I pulled the offending object out and checked the screen.  It wasn’t a number I had ever seen before.  I flicked the phone open.

 

“Hello?” I asked curiously.

 

“Put Sun Ye on the phone,” a voice commanded me in strict Korean.  “I know she is there with you.”

 

My breath caught in my chest as I recognized the voice on the line.  I tried to think of something to say, but no competent words came to mind.  Sun Ye looked at me questioningly, obviously curious at who could have me so shaken.

 

“Yubin, put her on the phone.  You are apparently as bad at following my spoken instructions as you are at obeying my emailed instructions.”

 

I bristled slightly at the reminder.  There was something about the man that made me feel that I had to obey him, even if he held no power over me anymore.  I pulled the phone away from my ear and I passed it to Sun Ye. 

 

“It’s for you,” I said quietly. 

 

Sun Ye plucked the phone out of my hand with a worried glance.  I collapsed onto the hotel room bed and watched Sun Ye’s face carefully for any traces of emotion.  She immediately straightened up as she realized who had called her.

 

“Yes I realize the contract I have with Interscope,” she said rapidly in Korean.  “And I know that-“

 

I watched her cringe slightly at whatever was said to her.  She paced quickly from one edge of the hotel room to the other. 

 

“Well I turned off my phone because- Okay, yes I realize that there isn’t any good reason for why I would stay out of contact with you.” 

 

This conversation obviously wasn’t going well for her.  I wanted to be able to help her, but there wasn’t much I could do at this point.  I just sat one the bed powerlessly.

 

“Yes, I understand.  I am sorry for my conduct,” Sun Ye apologized quietly, all of the fight dropping out of her voice. 

 

She muttered a few more quick apologies in Korean before hanging up the phone.  I watched her fidget with my cell phone for a bit without speaking.  Finally she took a deep breath and let the bombshell drop. 

 

“JYP is on a plane now to bring me back to Korea.”

 

 

 ==========

 

 

 _To:[snow_white_funk@defjam.com](mailto:snow_white_funk@defjam.com)_

 _From:[first_snow@interscope.com](mailto:first_snow@interscope.com)_

 _Re:  What Everyone Knows_

 _~Yubin_

 _I know you won’t see this email until after it is all too late.  I’ll be on a plane back to Korea and you will be safe and sound back in your apartment in New York… I know you said you wanted to be together all night, but once you fell asleep next to me I couldn’t help but sneak off to write something to you.  Don’t worry, I brought the laptop back to the bed, so I only left your side for a minute.  I wrote all of this sitting next to you and squeezing your hand when you were restless._

 _At first it might seem a little silly that I am sitting here writing to you when I should be talking to you, feeling you, doing something with the little time we have left.  I wasn’t even going to do it when I first thought of it, but then as we lay next to each other in that foreign, hotel bed it seemed like a better and better idea.  I mean, you wrote me all those beautiful letters all those years ago, one after every time something momentous happened in our relationship.  I have every single one of them tucked away in my desk back in New York City and I would like to think that you have treasured every single one of these emails and have them sitting in your inbox still.  And one day we will be able to look back and map the course of our entire relationship together, the ups and the downs, and we will be able to cherish every bit of it._

 _You didn’t seem too keen on talking about what was going on.  My simple explanation that JYP was sending me home to Korea seemed enough to silence you.  Trust me, I basically shut down too.  I’m not happy about the way that this is all working out, but it isn’t like I am surprised by the news.  As great as it felt to go on television with you and admit that I felt the same way you did, it apparently took away any of the plausible deniability on my side.  And Ellen’s show is famous enough that it made its way over to Korea… I was only being leased out to Interscope anyway, my main contract is still on the JYP record label, so when they say ‘jump’ I say ‘how high?’  Well, you know the drill._

 _Korea.  Funny how I’ve always considered that place my home, my precious motherland.  But in these past few months… It just doesn’t quite feel that way anymore.  Home isn’t in Korea or my apartment back in New York City.  As cheesy as it sounds, it is with you; whether that is in your penthouse or in some crappy, coffee-less hotel room.  So naturally I’m saddened by the fact that I’m being pulled back to Korea.  I want to stay with you, make a new name for myself in America.  The rational part of my mind knows that I have to return though.  I’ve already lost my ground with Interscope and I really do love to sing.  If I have to go back to Korea for a bit before I try again, that is what I will do._

 _And if this was the old you and me I would be worried about leaving you alone like this, afraid things would fall apart the second I turned my back._

 _But we aren’t those people any more are we?  That’s something we have proved to each other time and time again.  Right now nothing can tear you down and I have reached peace with my own identity.  It all works out in the end and we are stronger because of it right?  I have the utmost faith in your feelings for me.  We’ve made everything between us work and I don’t think something as minor as going to the opposite side of the world is really going to change that._

 _Well perhaps that is just me saying that.  You are totally unconscious and muttering complaints in your sleep, so I know that you don’t feel good about me leaving.  And maybe you won’t exactly agree with me when you wake up either, but I know in the end that you will read this email, cry, and accept.  Just like I did._

 _I love you Kim Yubin._

 _And no amount of distance is going to change that._

 _~Sun Ye_

 

 


	13. Chapter 13:  All Good Things Must Come to an End

I stared up at the ceiling of the hotel room unblinking.  I hadn’t checked the time, I hadn’t turned on the television for the morning news, and I hadn’t had my morning tea.  Really I hadn’t done much of anything since I had woken up a few hours ago, nothing besides stare up at the white expanse above my head.  None of that really mattered right now.  Those weren’t a part of my perfect morning anymore.

 

Sun Ye shifted slightly on the bed to my left. 

 

Okay, I had Sun Ye, but not for much longer.  I had just gotten used to having her next to me when I woke up in the morning.  She was an important part of my process now.  Yet, in a few hours she would be on a plane flying back to that tiny country all the way on the other side of the world.  I would be back to waking up alone in my penthouse apartment, just heating up my teakettle in the morning. 

 

Did this mean I should get rid of my coffee maker?

 

Urgh.  Odd how only the most mundane things seemed to be popping into my head this morning when such a big event was about to happen.  Shouldn’t I be freaking out a little more?  I mean, I wasn’t happy, that’s for sure.  It felt crappy what was happening to us, but it was more like I had reached a level of resigned acceptance.  Should I be this complacent?  I wasn’t sure.  Perhaps I was supposed to have some sort of outburst right now, something really loud that would wake Joe up and make him bitter at me for a few days. 

 

The thought brought a smile to my face.  Okay, now that definitely didn't seem right.  Smiles were a no-no today.  I mean, that would jut make me seem calloused right?  My girlfriend was leaving me to go back to her real record company in Korea.  That was bad news.  That was at least frowning-type news.

 

So why wasn’t I frowning right now?  It wasn’t that I didn’t love Sun Ye.  In my heart I knew that I loved her now more than ever, something I never would have thought possible before.  Perhaps it was because we had reached a certain level of peace to our relationship.  It really wasn’t rocky like it used to be all those years ago.  We had triumphed over so many of our faults and our relationship was all the stronger because of it. 

 

Sun Ye wiggled again on the bed next to me and I smiled.  I would definitely miss waking up next to her at least.

 

“Hey, are you awake?” I quietly asked the darkness of the hotel room.

 

“Yeah,” she whispered back.

 

I turned on my side to look at her, finally breaking my eye contact with the ceiling.  She smiled softly at me as she moved her head closer to mine on the pillow. 

 

“I’ve been awake for a while actually, probably just as long as you have,” she admitted.  “But you seemed to be thinking some pretty intense thoughts.”

 

My eyes flickered over Sun Ye’s face.  I had expected to see it tearstained and wrinkled from a poor night’s sleep, but instead it looked completely calm and slightly wistful.  Odd.  Was that what my face looked like right now? 

 

“Are you worried?  About us?” I asked her quietly.

 

She shook her head against the downy pillow. 

 

“No… not at all actually.  We’ll just be a few thousand kilometers away from each other, that’s all.”

 

A chuckle escaped me at her statement.  It was true.  We had been this distance apart before with much worse circumstances and had still managed to find our way back to each other.  I reached out and pushed her hair out of her face and behind her ear, letting my fingers linger.

 

“You know I love you right?”

 

“Yeah I know,” she smiled cheekily.  “Which is why I know you won’t run off to Portia the second I get on that plane.”

 

My hand on her face reflexively flicked her ear for her teasing comment and she laughed at me.  This girl would take any chance to mock me for my flirty ways.  As soon as her laughter died down she scooted closer to me on the bed and curled up at my side. 

 

“You know I love you too,” she whispered into my chest.

 

“Yeah I know,” I said quietly back.  “That’s why I’m not worried either.”

 

Her fingers toyed with my shirt, still the same one from when we were at the club last night. 

 

“I think… I think we’ve come a long way from the paranoid, stressed relationship we used to have, Yubin.  We are stronger now.  We’ve made something that can’t be broken just because someone says we can’t be together.”

 

“Good.  I feel the same way,” I admitted peacefully.  “Plus I hear they have this invention called a telephone that will let us talk to each other anywhere in the world.”

 

She giggled into my chest. 

 

“Or you could come visit me sometimes with all your big, rapper money.”

 

“Eh… that sounds like a lot of work,” I said lazily.

 

“I’m sure I can make it worth your while,” her voice dropped a key, which made my blood run hotter. 

 

Yeah.  I would definitely figure out some way for us to see each other.  She was right.  I did have a lot of big, bad, rapper money. 

 

Sun Ye pulled away from me and got up slowly from the bed. 

 

“I guess I better go shower and get dressed.  JYP’s plane will be here in a few hours, so we have to leave for the airport soon.”

 

My eyes twinkled at her from the bed. 

 

“Man, I never even changed out of my clothes from last night.  I could probably use a shower too…”

 

She rolled her eyes at me as she left the bedroom to go to the small bathroom. 

 

“You are so lucky that this is our last morning together, Yubin, and that I am such a nice girlfriend.”

 

Wow.  That actually worked!?  My legs scrambled to get me off the bed and to the bathroom as quickly as possible.  In my haste to get off the hotel bed I managed to get tangled in the sheets and fell ungracefully to the floor, the loud thud fortunately muffled by the sound of the shower.  Urgh.  At least when she was in Korea she wouldn’t see my geeky moments like that one. 

 

 

===========

 

Joe, Sun Ye, and I walked slowly through the terminals to her gate.  Joe had received a message from Interscope letting Sun Ye know what gate she would be leaving from and had been kind enough to cancel all my appointments for the day so I could accompany her.  He knew how much this meant to me, and it was amazing what security checkpoints you could get past when people recognized who you were and you gave out an autograph. 

 

“Alright so this is your stop, Sun Ye,” Joe said sadly. 

 

He reached out and scooped Sun Ye up into a surprise hug, holding her tightly.  They really had gotten along surprisingly well.  He would probably miss having someone to tag-team with in making fun of me. 

 

“God, I’m really gonna miss you girl!” he said with a small sob.  “Make sure you call Yubin.  I was there for the aftermath of the first time you guys broke up and it was not a pretty sight.  She was basically in pieces for months!”

 

Sun Ye smirked at me and I rolled my eyes at Joe’s revealing statement. 

 

“I think Yubin will do alright this time.  And we aren’t breaking up,” Sun Ye informed him.

 

Joe’s jaw dropped slightly before he swept me up in a joyous hug.

 

“Oh my God!  You go girl!  You finally caught a good one!”

 

He set me down on the ground again and gripped me hard by the shoulders, looking me straight in the eyes. 

 

“Don’t mess it up,” he warned me.  “If you hurt poor Sun I will have to destroy you.  I’m your manager.  I have that power.”

 

I pushed Joe’s hands off my shoulders with a huff.  Sometimes I felt like he liked Sun Ye so much more than me. 

 

“Oh go away Joe,” I complained.

 

He chuckled and started to stroll away from the gate before stopping to shout some last instructions. 

 

“I was just going to do that.  I’ll wait for you at the food court Yubin.  Make sure you see your woman off with a bang.  Metaphorically speaking of course.  I don’t want to have to deal with the fallout from you two getting down and dirty in a public airpo-“

 

“GOOD BYE JOE,” Sun Ye and I shouted loudly at his retreating form.

 

I listened to Joe’s footsteps click through the airport terminal and stood silently in front of Sun Ye.  What was I supposed to say?  There were so many things running through my head, but none of them really seemed important.  We had our moment in the hotel room.  Was there really anything left to be said?

 

“Yubin… I-“

 

“Yubin!” a strong voice interrupted Sun Ye. 

 

I glanced over toward the gate and saw JYP striding toward us.  That was fast.  He wasn’t supposed to show up for another half hour.  This man was always a little too punctual and motivated for my tastes. 

 

“Sun Ye, go wait near the gate.  I need to talk to Yubin before we board,” he instructed.

 

He watched as Sun Ye sadly slunk over to the gate entrance, throwing me one last look over her shoulder.  Urgh.  He really had to ruin everything. 

 

“Did you read my email that I sent you several months ago?” he asked me.

 

“Yes sir,” I answered with a duck of my head. 

 

Geez, this man still had me cowering like a little girl.  Just something about him always had me bowing in submission. 

 

“And yet you still disobeyed me?  I told you not to go down that road with Sun Ye again.  You know how rough it is for someone to be publicly out in America.  That is only going to be tripled in Korea when she gets home.  You knew all along that JYPE was her mother label and would have the final say on her career.  Did you just conveniently forget that information?”

 

I twitched slightly at his reprimand.

 

“So what if I did forget?” I snapped back.  “Some things are just bigger than your career or being famous.  At this point, Sun Ye and I would give that up in a heartbeat if it were the only way we could be together.  Threaten me all you want, drag her back across the ocean, do whatever.  But it isn’t going to change how we feel about each other.  And don’t think for a second that all of this is actually going to keep her away from me.”

 

JYP studied my face for a second.  My eyes darted from him to where Sun Ye was sadly waiting at the gate and back again.  Finally he reached out and gave my shoulder a quick squeeze before turning away to walk back to the gate.  The breath I had been holding rushed out of me.  What just happened?  Did he… approve of me?  God this man was too much.  I never knew how to read him. 

 

He flashed the tickets for Sun Ye and himself at the gate and he entered the stream of people boarding the flight.  Sun Ye gave me a last look and started to walk down the boarding platform.  My heart raced loudly in my chest and I took a few hesitant steps forward. 

 

“Sun Ye wait!” I yelled out. 

 

She stopped on the boarding platform and turned back to me.  Even from the distance across the airport hallway I could see the expectant look on her face.  What exactly did I have to say? 

 

I shoved my hands into my pockets and fidgeted from foot to foot before shouting the first thing that popped into my head. 

 

“I’ll write you some letters!”

 

A smile burst out on Sun Ye’s face and she nodded happily back at me. 

 

“And I’ll write you some emails back,” she yelled in return. 

 

I grinned at her as she disappeared into the entranceway to the plane, quickly hidden from sight by all the rushing passengers. 

 

We would be okay; I just knew it.  I took a deep breath and headed off to the food court where Joe was waiting for me. 

 

There was a lot of work for me to do if I was going to take a trip to Korea in a few months. 

 

 


End file.
